Yours Truly, Cammie

“Is that—”

“Yep,” he croaked. “Please tell me…that you’ve brought me here as a joke. You’re fucking with me, right?” Luke was biting his fist, trying not to lose it and we were both about five seconds from laughing out loud and ruining this entire scheme.

“I can’t…I can’t even talk,” I choked, suppressing a laugh.

I had no idea what had happened during the last year that Grant and I weren’t together, but apparently the woman he had cheated on me with wasn’t satisfying him. Grant was lying on his left side, butt-ass naked, spooning a BLOW-UP DOLL. You know those life-size blow-up dolls with yellow hair and bright red lips? The ones that are naked that people usually get as a joke of some sort? Well, guess what? This wasn’t a joke. Grant was nice and cozy in his warm bed right in front of me, spooning a doll.

“I’m never letting you live this down, Doc. Never.”

I murmured, “I would expect nothing less from you.”

Playfulness aside, Luke and I both got down to work. I followed his instructions on exactly what to do. I went into the dark bathroom, using my phone for light, and poured the hair-removal cream into Grant’s shampoo and conditioner bottles (apparently, he had turned into a doll-loving, self-pampering, type of guy since we’d broken up). Once I had quietly twisted the caps back onto the bottles and placed them on his filthy shower shelf, I tiptoed back into Grant’s room and saw Luke’s tall stature standing above Grant’s sleeping body. He was very delicately reaching into the glass jelly container and placing grape jelly onto Grant’s head.

How is Grant still sleeping? I had no freaking clue. The doll must have worn him out. I snickered at my own joke, and Luke’s head snapped to mine. He gave me a stern look, which only made me want to laugh harder. Then I looked down and saw the chocolate chip bag clutched between his legs, and I couldn’t suppress the silent laugh inside my head for much longer.

When Luke was finished, he stepped ba

ck, wiping his sticky fingers on his shirt and then reached inside the chocolate chip bag and placed a few into his perfect mouth (wait, perfect? I meant…dirty. Dirty, dirty mouth). He put one hand under his chiseled chin and nodded in approval. I walked over and stood beside him, placing my hands on my hips.

“Well done, Luke. Well done.”

The idea of this entire prank was for Grant to wake up, only to find something sticky smeared into his lovely straw-colored hair. Then he’d rush to the shower to wash it off, only it’d be hair removal cream instead of shampoo. He could say goodbye to the hair that he probably took better care of than anything else in his life…at least according to the expensive shampoo and conditioner in his nasty shower.

“Thanks, Doc. That’ll teach him to cheat on a girl like you.”

I looked over at him and grinned, feeling the fluttering in my heart that I usually shoved way down below the surface when he was near, but right now, I was allowing it. I was basking in it. Actually, I was full-on rolling in it.

“Thanks…but I don’t think he’s going to associate this—“ I pointed to Grant’s messy jelly-filled hair, “with me.”

I laughed, but soon as the words tumbled out of my mouth, Grant’s curled-up body started to move. I froze. It was a heart-stopping moment, the kind that made you feel like your legs were cemented to the floor.

“What do we do?” I asked, voice well above a whisper. I looked over at Luke, who immediately stopped chewing the rest of the chocolate chips in his mouth.

“We run,” he muttered.

Eyes wide, I looked back and forth from Grant, who was on the verge of recognizing me, and back at Luke. Then I freaked the hell out.

“Cammie, come on.” Luke tugged on my arms and pulled me through the back balcony door.

“What are we doing?!” I exclaimed.

Luke looked down below the balcony and said, “Running.”

Then he jumped…off the balcony. Sure, it was only fifteen feet or so, but to someone who wasn’t fond of heights, (that would be me) it seemed like five hundred feet.

I heard Luke land with a small thump, and I peered down below the balcony, welcoming the fall air on my now-sweaty forehead.

“Luke!” I yelled down. “You want me to jump?”

“I’ll catch you; it’s fine. Hurry up! I’m not bailing you out of jail if you get caught in there!”

My mouth gaped open as I stared down at the guy who had gotten me into this position in the first place. What was I thinking? Breaking into Grant’s apartment? Luke had turned me into an unrecognizable Cammie. Jesus Christ.

“I can’t!” I yelled down again, feeling my heart thumping out of my chest as each second passed by. My feet and hands were beginning to tingle, and a shiver set forth in my body.

“Don’t you trust me?” he yelled back.

“No!” I sharply yelled down. But the truth was, I did. I truly trusted him, even if he did get me into this situation.