Yours Truly, Cammie

n my forehead.

“Oh…”

“I know it’s been a rough year… for everyone. Even your father.”

I grunted, wrapping my arm across my stomach. I glanced over at Luke, who was turned onto his side, sandy hair falling over his head just a smidge. He was staring right at me.

“Yeah, I know. I’ll be alright.” My voice came out weak and hoarse. “I don’t really want to talk about it, Mom.”

“I know, sweetie. I just want you to know that I love you, okay? I just felt like I had to tell you that today.” Her voice began to break at the end and I hated it. It felt like my heart had just been sliced open in my chest. I couldn’t imagine how hard today must be on her…or my father. Regardless of whether I was angry with him or not.

Alex was their son. They’d made him; they’d known him longer than I had. This sucked. This entire thing fucking sucked.

I constantly felt like it was sucking the life right out of me.

My mom’s voice changed back to her normal tone, “Okay, enough of that. I also wanted to warn you about Bernadette.”

“What?” I questioned. “Who’s Bernadette?

“The hurricane.”

“What hurricane?” I felt Luke twitch to my right and he mouthed for me to put it on speaker. I gave him a hard shake of my head and went back to ignoring him.

“There’s a hurricane headed your way, babe. Haven’t you seen it on the news?”

I don’t watch the news. I had stopped watching the news right after Alex died.

“You know I don’t watch the news, Mom.”

She sighed, “Well, look it up. A hurricane is headed your way soon.” I heard a faint male voice in the background. “José said it looks like it’ll be over to you in a few days. Maybe two.”

“Oh,” I started. “Well, I’ll be fine. I’ve been through hurricanes before.” A little voice in the back of my head whispered…Yeah, with Alex.

The last hurricane that we had, over two years ago, had been full of excitement. Alex came to JoJo’s with me, along with Ryan and a few other people, and we had a hurricane party. Lots of booze and lots of fun.

“Okay, well, make sure you email me when it’s all done and over with…I’m going to be worried sick. If I thought I could make it back to New Bern before it hit, I would be there with you. I…” she stopped for a moment, and my brow furrowed. “I couldn’t take losing you, too, Cam.”

My throat closed and I was back to clutching my stomach. “I know, Mom. I’ll call you. I gotta go.”

I could feel the vomit burning the back of my throat. Nausea took over my body, and not only was I sweating, but now my legs felt as if they were trembling. This exact feeling would overtake my body for weeks after Alex’s death. Most specifically on the day of his funeral. It was like my body didn’t know how to handle all the sorrow, so it just wanted to combust.

“Okay, babe. I love you, and just try to be happy today. Try to celebrate his life, not the ending of it. The therapist told me that would help.”

I could barely get the words out, “Mmhm, love you, Mom.” I hung up the phone and threw it to the side. I heard Luke let out a groan as it landed very close to his most valuable possession (that would be his dick, in case you were wondering).

I jumped up and ran to my bathroom, stumbling and hitting my toe on the corner of the door, and when I finally reached the cold porcelain of the toilet, I heaved and gagged until the bitter taste was off my tongue. I didn’t even realize it, but my eyes were leaking, too. Salty tears flowed into my mouth, and it was honestly a little refreshing compared to the taste of vomit.

I breathed in and out of my nose several times before I got the nerve to lift my head and flush the toilet. I placed my elbows on the edge of the toilet seat and pinched the bridge of my nose before wiping my eyes quickly. Once I leaned back on the wall, I let out a small scream.

“Goddammit, why are you sneaky?” I whispered when I saw that Luke was sitting only a few feet away from me, wearing clothes that were disheveled and rumpled from sleeping.

He propped his legs up, resting his forearms on them. “What do you mean?”

I almost laughed, but I didn’t quite have the energy to do so.

“Well, I found you asleep in my bed this morning, which means you snuck in without me knowing, and then you just slinked in here like a damn cat, sneaky as shit.”

Luke angled his head to the side and thought for a moment. He didn’t say anything, though, which was unnerving.