“You’ve got it wrong, Cammie.” His mouth found mine again, kissing me deeply, just as he started to work the orgasm out of me. “I haven’t hooked you…” My legs began to tremble. “You’re the one who’s hooked me.” Then I completely lost control, welcoming everything about him into my body.
He kissed me one last time before he fell on top of me with a loud groan. His head was in the crook of my neck and I actually enjoyed the sweat falling off his forehead onto my naked body.
We didn’t say anything for several minutes and I felt a wide range of emotions. I’ve gotten myself into a mess. Things were messy, and unorthodox, but I couldn’t seem to care.
Just as Luke was pulling out of me, I looked up at him with a small smile and mustered, “I’m still mad at you…”
He smiled that lazy smile. “I would expect nothing less…”
Luke left my house around seven that night. We didn’t talk about the next day or what would happen when he left. I think we both just wanted to remain in this little bit of normality we had before he was gone, even if I was still pissed he hadn’t told me he was leaving. He needed things to be normal right now, though, and I wasn’t mad enough to leave things dicey between us.
I needed to be straight with myself. Luke was… everything. He was compassionate, funny (even if most of his remarks were sexually related or used to tease me), he was obviously selfless considering he was fighting a war for the people of the United States. Plus, he was a fucking gem in bed. What more could I want?
But… he would always end up leaving me. Even if we got into something serious, which wasn’t even really possible until he returned home—he was still going to be this amazing, selfless man who put his country first. It was admirable, it really was. I just wasn’t sure I could go down that path.
Sure, if Alex were still alive he would tell me I was being ridiculous and that anyone could die at any given time. He once told me, after I’d confided in him that I was afraid when our dad left for one of his deployments, “You could walk out the front door and fall over the porch steps and break your neck and die…” And now that I thought about it, would that make Luke stray away from me? The fact that I could die? Of course not, but it was hard for me to embrace that perspective, especially after Alex’s death overseas. But then again, there was an end to every relationship, and there was an end to every life. I knew that better than anyone.
My phone’s ringtone jolted me out of my conflicting thoughts. JoJo’s name flashed on the screen.
“Hello?” I answered.
“Hey,” she said in a voice lacking much emotion.
“JoJo, why are you calling me at the crack of dawn?”
I had texted her a brief encounter of what had happened with Luke and I last night, so I was assuming that was why she was calling.
I sipped on my coffee, savoring the chestnut flavor and stared over at Luke’s vacant house. He was already on base. I’d watched him climb into his friend’s car before he left. He’d glanced at my house, but thankfully I was hidden in the shadows of my living room so he couldn’t spot me.
Was it strange that he didn’t say goodbye? Or was our goodbye our little love-making session yesterday? He only told me that he was leaving at promptly nine in the morning. Maybe that was his unspoken invitation for me to come say goodbye to him.
JoJo’s voice wavered. “I’m calling because I know that you’re probably contemplating the whole you and Luke thing, and there’s only an hour or so before he leaves…” she trailed at the end and I continued to stay silent. “As your best friend, it’s my duty to tell you to pull up your thong and go say goodbye to him.”
I quipped, “I’m not wearing any underwear.”
She laughed. “Cammie. Answer this...”
I cleared my throat, letting her know she could continue.
“Is Luke worth it?”
That’s what she had to ask? Is Luke worth it?
I didn’t even hesitate answering in my head—yes, he’s worth it.
“I know the answer is yes. Stop fooling yourself. Even if Ryan died on his last deployment, I would never, ever take a moment away that we’d shared. If Luke is worth it, go tell him. Don’t be stupid, because you’ll regret it.”
I swallowed loudly, taking another sip of my coffee to distract my mouth from blabbering.
Once I swallowed, I mustered up, “He’s worth it.”
And then I hung up my phone and threw on my best jeans and my favorite band t-shirt, fluffed up my unwashed hair, put on some fiery-red lipstick, and made a beeline for my car. The clock read 7:46. I had exactly an hour and fourteen minutes to tell Luke how I really felt.
What the hell was I going to say?
Twenty
When I pulled up to the Marine Corps base, the shiny, black gates were surrounded by men and women in military uniforms, black rifles strapped on their backs and at their sides. Beastly military German Shepherds sat nicely beside them, just waiting for the wrong person to drive up so they could strike.