I watch the water pour down my body while wringing out my tank top and laughing at my dad’s complaints of me winning, when I hear a girly rendition of my name. I look over to my left and there stands Hannah Marie. My mouth opens a little as she encricles me in a hug.
“Sadie!” Hannah Marie quickly backs off, as if she is surprised at what she just did.
I smile at her and shyly tuck a few pieces of my hair behind my ear as she tries to rub off the wetness I inflicted on her. “Hi, Hannah. I… I was actually going to call you this week to see if you and Anna wanted to get together.” Her eyebrows shoot up in amazement and once again, guilt gnaws at me.
“Of course! We’ve missed you, Sadie.” She says, bubblier than before. “And you seriously look great. College was good to you.”
I smile widely at her, taking in her appearance. “You do too.” Hannah Marie hasn’t changed a bit. She’s still sporting her medium-length brown hair with a few subtle blonde highlights. Still the same small body frame, and she still wears the same thick, winged eyeliner.
“How have you been? Good?” she intones, and I’m hyper-aware that she’s asking if I’m back to normal again.
“I’ve been really good, Hannah. I--I wanted to say I’m sorry for disappearing last summer.” I don
’t allow myself to lower my head, although part of me wants to hide.
“Sadie.” She grabs my clenched hand. “Don’t you dare say sorry. I understand, and so does Anna. Isn’t that what friends are for?” I let out a long breath that I wasn’t aware I was holding and smile gently at her beaming face.
“Still have the same number?” she asks, returning the smile.
“Yep!”
“Great, I’ll talk to Anna and then we will pick a time for all of us to hang out! Sound good?” The gentle voice and smile disappear as her hyper personality resurfaces. At first, before we became friends, I was annoyed by all of her sudden shrieking outbursts in school. She was so obnoxious, but then I just grew to love it.
“Sure, I can’t wait.” I plaster on a smile and watch her run off towards one of the shopping booths.
I look over at my mom and dad and they’re grinning. I know exactly what they’re thinking—that I’m back. The real Sadie is back, and she’s staying.
Seven
I couldn’t help but be relieved that I didn’t see Rowen’s family at the festival. We’d all have to make small talk and pretend that it wasn’t the most painful conversation in the world. Rowen’s parents always acted like they liked me, but I wonder what they thought when Rowen and I suddenly stopped spending time together. Were they happy? Confused? Sad? I know my parents were confused and probably a little relieved. They despised how infatuated we were with each other. I would get sideway looks from them when I gushed about him. My dad especially hated our relationship. He was always blasting off about how Rowen would hurt me, and I defended Rowen each time. “You don’t know him like I do, Dad. He would never hurt me.” And he didn’t, not physically, that is. But emotionally… he did more than hurt me. He demolished me. He killed me, and now my dad was right each time he’d foreshadowed how Rowen would hurt me. Now, I feel senseless all those time I blindly defended him.
I decided to stop all the hoping and praying to God on my drives to the club that Rowen wouldn’t be there. Instead, I tried a different approach. I started hoping he was there, just so I could get over this undeniable fear of seeing him again. I left him in a vulnerable state the last time we spoke. I say it was a vulnerable state, but I actually highly doubt he felt that way. I was the one who had to pull my car over and calm my sobs before I could head home and pretend everything was fine. Not him.
Sure enough, when I pull up to the parking lot Rowen’s truck is parked in the front spot. He’s early today, and I remember how Sash told him he had to be there on time from now on. My mind skims over the knowledge that Rowen worked here last summer. Apparently, the attack didn’t affect him like it did me. I couldn’t leave my house for weeks, in fear that something bad would happen. He’s obviously a lot stronger than I am. I wonder if he even had to go to therapy? Probably not. That’s just me.
When I walk in to clock-in, Rowen is leaning against the farthest wall, talking to Sash with his arms crossed over his bare chest. I quickly glance away, not even wanting to go there. Even with just a simple glance in his direction, I can tell he is buffer than when we dated a year ago. He’s turned into a man, and then I think of my own body when I stared back at myself in the mirror this morning. Have I changed that much? If anything, I feel like I look more kid-like than before. Even with my long hair, I still feel juvenile.
After I hear the click from the clock-in machine, I hang my things in the employee area. Sash says hey and I glance back at him and give him a half-smile. I look over at Rowen and he’s staring directly at me. I don’t say hi to him, though; I just avert my gaze and walk to my lifeguarding stand where I’ll argue with myself for the next five hours for looking in his direction.
In the middle of my shift, still arguing with myself that I’ve looked in Rowen’s direction four times in the last two hours, I make the move to keep my eyes on a little boy who continues to argue with his mom about his floaties. I have to agree, he seems way too old to be wearing the annoyingly bright yellow Mickey Mouse floaties, but I guess if you can’t swim, you can’t swim. Morgan is directly in front of me on the other side of the pool, sporting her golden aviators, and then Rowen is to my right—which makes it a lot easier to avoid him.
Adjusting my body to shield myself from Rowen and focus more on the ever-busier pool, I watch a hairy dad throw his shrieking kid in deep end, his daughter’s little arms and legs doggy-paddling their way back over and that’s when I realize, I can’t seem to find Mickey Mouse boy. I see his mom, talking on her cellphone and her friend, sunbathing beside her in a hot pink bikini, but I don’t see the little brown-haired boy. I look around a little further and I spot the floaties on the side of the pool, but no little boy. My heart beats a little faster, thumping in my chest as I look over at the concessions, hoping he is there… but he isn’t. I stand up quickly and stare in the pool. He can touch in the shallow part of the pool by Rowen, but he’s not there, either. Where the hell is he? I look down in the deep end and see bubbles. My eyes grow wide, and I can hear Rowen distantly shouting my name and asking what’s wrong, but I can’t look his way. My eyes stay glued to the bubbling until next thing I know, I’m submerging myself in chlorinated water. I open my eyes underwater, welcoming the burning sensation and I grasp the sight of a blurry figure, frantically waving its arms back and forth. I’m over to him in seconds, not knowing that I could actually swim that fast. I grab ahold of his tiny body and shove us both towards the top.
It takes a few seconds to realize where I am, as I’m sprayed with water from a sputtering little boy. When we reach the side of the pool, I feel two sturdy hands grip my tiny biceps and I know instantly that it’s Rowen. When he gets us out of the water, I immediately start slapping the little boy’s bare back until his coughs start to die down. For a second, it feels like the world has stopped moving. It’s just me and the little boy, our hearts beating fast and our chests rising rapidly. It reminds me of Finger Lickin’ a year ago, my throat constricting in protest as flashbacks start to crowd my mind. My slick arms instantly break out in goosebumps as a chill sets forth within my body. I squeeze a little tighter onto the little body in my arms, and then I hear Rowen’s voice lulling my sudden state of panic. “Sadie, let go. His mom is here.” I shake my head and stare into a pair of large, frightened eyes. I instantly release my grip around the boy and in seconds he is in his mother’s arms, sobbing.
The mom’s cries are hysterical but between her sobs, she thanks me over and over again, like a broken record. I mumble a response but still still feel in a haze, like I’m in a completely different time and place.
“Whooooa. You literally just saved that kid’s life.” I look over and meet Hallie’s wowed expression.
I feel as if a silence breaks through the crowd, although it doesn’t really as Rowen mumbles, “That’s what she does, she saves lives… ” When I meet his face, I wish I hadn’t even looked in his direction. His expression sends a knife right to my gut. We are having a silent conversation, one that no one else knows about. No one knows the meaning behind his words. No one knows but us.
Morgan’s voice is booming, “Holy shit, she sure does! We need to give her some type of award or something, right, Sash?!”
“Why don’t we give Sadie some time to calm down. Everyone, get back to your stands.” I watch as all the feet around me disappear while the murmuring and rowdiness of the crowd still jabbers on.
“Are you okay?” He asks as he helps me to my feet, his judgment bouncing back and forth between the blinking of my eyes.
I shrug, “I’m fine, really. It wasn’t that big of a deal.”