Three Summers

“Yes, it was. Especially for you.” He gives me a knowing look and I suddenly feel very, very small.

Sash puts me in the concession stand for the rest of the night, to give me a “mental break” after I refused to go home. I can’t stand being treated like I’m about to shatter at any given moment. I’m fine, and not only does working in the concessions make me feel trapped, it doesn’t give me a who

le lot of distraction time.

Rowen’s voice is on repeat in my head: “That’s what she does, she saves people.” Is that what I do? Do I purposely risk my life for others? I don’t mean to. I just act. I didn’t even think about jumping into the pool and what would happen afterwards I just… did. Maybe I have this alternate personality that has a superhero complex. Maybe I want to be the one to save others. Maybe I’m just the self-sacrificing type.

“Are you sure you’re okay, Sadie? You can tell me… you know.” Sash has been asking me if I’m okay every single hour. He’s worse than my parents.

“Boss, I’m fine, for the one hundredth time. I swear; now just relax!” I laugh, as I answer him.

“Okay. Well, then, I’ll see you Wednesday, right? That’s your next day to work, I think.”

“Yeah, I’ll be here Wednesday.” I force a smile as I start to walk through the gate.

Wednesday is my 19th birthday, and I’m not even bothered that I have to spend it at the pool. It’s kind of nice being normal again.

“Sadie.” I stop right in my tracks as I hear Rowen’s demanding voice. I really wish he’d quit using my name.

I slowly look up and there he is, again. Propped right beside his rusty truck, waiting for me. I hope this isn’t a recurring habit, because it’s exhausting pretending that his very presence doesn’t bother me.

“Are you okay?”

I automatically scoff. “No, no, no.” I start shaking my head. “You don’t get to act like you care now, no.”

I’m totally rolling my eyes in my head, about to bust at the seams. That’s not fair! He acts concerned after I save a little boy from drowning, but when I jump a robber to save his life, and get beaten half to death… I get radio silence. The dots do not connect.

He whispers, “I’ve always cared, Sadie.” My eyes are as round as saucers. I walk right up to him and slap him in the face, the sound of skin on skin ricocheting through the summer air.

I’m so surprised at my action that my hand automatically covers my mouth.

“Oh my God! I’m sorry! I didn’t mean for that to happen.” I feel my eyelashes tickle the skin just beneath my eyebrows from my flabbergasted expression.

Rowen doesn’t say anything for what seems like hours. He just keeps his head tilted in the direction that I slapped him. I’m afraid to move. Things are becoming even more awkward than before and I didn’t even know that was possible.

“Rowen, I’m—”

“Please don’t say you’re sorry again.” My mouth closes, and I’m confused as he turns towards me. His eyes are glossed over so much that I can’t even see gold specks inside the brown hue. “You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. You could slap me five hundred more times, and that still wouldn’t even be close to what I deserve.” Pain pierces my chest. As much as I hate everything that has happened between us, I still don’t want him to hurt. I just can’t help it. It’s like my heart can’t handle to see him in pain.

He blinks for a long time before saying, “I just wanted to make sure you were okay, because I knew that you diving in and saving that boy had to have brought back some awful memories. I know I have no right to care, but I do. I can’t help it.” I don’t respond, because I’m afraid to talk. If I talk, I don’t know what will come out.

He takes his hands and rubs them over his scruff in a tired manner and I suddenly feel tired, too, nausea swarming through my midriff. I stand there, taking deep breaths staring at Rowen’s white t-shirt, but the only thing going through my head is a replay of the little boy drowning and then a man in a black ski mask.

“Sadie?” Rowen’s voice is rough, and then I look up and feel a sudden rush of comfort. I’m fine, it’s fine. I’m alive, standing and breathing. I’m fine.

“Yeah… ” I whisper. “It did, but I’m fine.”

He tilts his head and looks at me. Like, really looks at me.

“I like your hair.” He says as a matter-of-factly. What?

“Are you trying to distract me from a state of panic?” I chuckle at his attempt.

“That depends… did it work?”

“A little.” He gives me a tiny smile and my heart flutters. I need to get out of here.

“I gotta go.” I brush past him, and he stands there and waits a few seconds before coming around the front of his truck to my car window.