Three Summers

“Samantha,” I breathe. “Are… are you okay?” Nice, Sadie. What a stupid question to ask.

“Oh! Yes, I’m okay now. Sorry! I should have started off with that,” she titters. “They removed the tumors and the chemo worked. I’m better. Healthy.”

I reach over and grab her lone hand that’s lying palm down on her thigh. I give it a long squeeze, suddenly realizing why her hair is cut so short and why she seems so different.

“I’m so glad you’re okay now. I’m truly sorry you had to endure that,” I say, genuinely. But a small part of me wonders whether she’s lying. She’s lied in the past, several times. But just seeing her tiny body sitting here in my car, hair cut short, cheekbones sticking out, I can tell that something major has happened to her. Not just on the outside, either. On the inside, she seems like a different person.

As she squeezes my hand back, she takes a deep breath. “It was awful. The entire thing. I was so sick. I threw up so many times. And let me tell you something,” she turns to me and grins, “Throwing up from chemotherapy is a lot worse than throwing up because you drank too much.”

We laugh together for a few seconds, breaking up the awful tension in the air. “But it’s sad that it took a near life-ending moment to realize that I was a terrible person. All the bad things I’d done in the past caught up to me pretty quick.”

I watch as she bites her lip and ponders for a moment. “I promised myself that if I got better, that if I made it out alive, I’d try to undo all the bad things I did. Starting with you.”

I didn’t say anything in response because I just didn’t know what would be appropriate in this moment. Her actions can’t ever truly be justified but that doesn’t mean I can’t accept her apology. Right? I mean I should know better than anyone that sometimes forgiving someone is okay.

My voice barely over a whisper, “It’s okay, Samantha. I forgive you.”

“It’s not okay. Look what I did.” Her face contorts to the point that I think she’s going to cry. “I ruined you and Rowen. When I heard you two had gotten back together, though, it honestly made some of that guilt fro what I’d done go away.”

I start to tell her that Rowen and I aren’t technically together anymore but she stops me with her hand. “I also know that you’re not together anymore… and I know that’s my fault, too.”

Interjecting, I say, “It’s not your fault. It’s mine.” Then I inhale, letting my shoulders fall. “I messed up, Samantha.”

We both stare out the windshield for a little while, not talking. It’s peaceful to be this close to her without feeling like I want to yell at her, or smack her. A part of me feels healed, like I’ve needed this all along.

After a few minutes pass, Samantha peeks over at me. “Sadie, take it from me. Life is too short. Don’t waste it.”

I bite my lip and nod. She smiles at me, the creases in her eyes deepening, and I know she can probably read my mind, just like we used to do years ago.

“I’m going after him.” I say, with confidence blooming from within.

“Good. Go get your man, Sadie.” We both laugh, and she exits the car but not before leaning down to squeeze my hand again.

Her eyes holding hope, “Call me, okay?”

“I will.”

Then I back out of my spot and head to UNC for Rowen.

I’ll fix this. I’ll make it right.

Twenty-Seven

ROWEN

Walking through my life in a murky haze is normal for me now. Not caring about much, unless it has to do with a brown-haired girl named Sadie, and yep. That’s about it. I

hate feeling like this. So… pent up. Just waiting. Wondering. Imagining. I fucking hate it and I hate that Kyle can see right through my bullshit.

That’s why I’m laughing along with him and our other friends right now, about to go get some lunch. I need to get him off my back because knowing Kyle, he’ll call me out on my shitty mood and then it’ll make me even more pissed. So, faking it is my best bet right now.

“They called us… and I quote… ‘scissor sisters’!” Our friend Sarah is fuming, arms crossed over her chest, face red and eyes wide. “I’m pissed!”

Kyle cracks up so hard and I start to sniker beside him which earns me a smack from the back of Sarah’s hand.

“Stop! This is not okay. I think that in this society, being gay should be completely acceptable. Don’t you?” She looks at me and I nod my head quickly. Of course it should be accepted. Who cares?

“Relax, Sarah. They’re probably just jealous that you’re not interested in them.” I say.