He fidgets with his fingers, and I can tell he’d like to take his promise to tell me everything back. But he can’t. Not if he wants this relationship to stand a chance.
I know that Riley’s the girl he got pregnant, but she obviously meant something to him. Maybe she still does.
“Riley was my first girlfriend,” he says and lets a pause stand between us.
“I thought you didn’t commit.”
“I don’t.”
I can’t help the doubts creeping into my eyes.
“I mean, I didn’t,” he corrects himself when he notices my expression, and it makes me want to squeal in joy. “But Riley doesn’t really count.”
I wait for him to carry on with the story.
“Riley, Vic, and I all grew up here together. Riley’s mother was close friends with Vic’s, and so I met her through him when I was like nine years old.”
He wasn’t lying when he said that Vic’s his oldest friend.
“Riley’s family had just moved back into town and decided to reconnect with their old friends. We were just kids back then. I saw her as some annoying girl who followed us everywhere. But then, puberty came along and things just started happening. And if you’re thinking that it was awkward, it was.” He gets a chuckle out of me.
“She was my first everything. My first awkward hug, my first sloppy kiss. Riley was that friend that you’ve known forever and you kind of owe it to yourself to date her even if you don’t really know what love is. All you know is your hormones are raging and she’s right there. Eventually, one thing led to another and you know…” He doesn’t want to say it, but I know what his silence holds.
She’ll always be a significant person to him.
She’ll always be his first.
“We didn’t even know what we were doing, really. We were just messing around. Then, I got into a really rough patch, and I just… I stopped caring about a lot o
f things. I started acting out, and I broke up with her over text. My parents decided to move to Florida shortly after that. Just one week before I turned sixteen and left town, she told me that she was pregnant.”
I knew what was coming, but hearing him say it somehow hurts a lot more than I anticipated.
“I was just a stupid kid then. My brain couldn’t even comprehend what she was saying. I told her to get an abortion, but she kept refusing. She eventually gave in and promised that she would. Then, I moved and I started dodging her phone calls. I cut her off completely. I cut Vic off, too.” He stops, clearly ashamed. “I’m not proud of it, but I didn’t give a rat’s ass about anyone. I just… wanted to forget about the past. And they were a part of it.”
He just wanted to forget about the past? What could be so bad in Colton Gate that he had to destroy every possible relationship tying him to it? There has to be more than just not having a great relationship with his parents.
“I hadn’t talked to Vic in years until we ran into him at the mall last week. The last time we spoke was when he called to tell me that Riley’s parents had found out about the baby and kicked her out. It was her dad’s doing mostly. Her mother didn’t agree, so they ended up getting a divorce. Vic’s parents offered to take Riley in because they considered her to be like their daughter, but she skipped town and vanished into thin air.
“I tried calling her, I did, but she never picked up. I get it though; I’d been ignoring her for months. She stopped answering everyone’s phone calls altogether. I never heard from her again. I started a new life in Florida, Tanner got me into the fights, and eventually, I stopped thinking about it. Until recently… when Blake brought it all back up.” He lets out a breath, a sign that he’s done with his speech.
I can’t help but be touched that he’s doing this. That the closed book is finally opening up to me. I feel so bad for him. That’s a lot to handle. Especially for someone as lonely as Haze. He was fifteen, for Pete’s sake. I also sympathize with Riley, who had to go through this hell on her own. Haze just wasn’t in the right place.
He couldn’t even drive a car yet, so take care of a baby?
Not a chance.
I intertwine our fingers. I want him to know that I’m right here. That he has all my support. We exchange looks, and he musters a weak smile that’s filled with pain.
“How come you never met Blake if you grew up with Riley?”
“He was the troubled brother. He was never around, either at a distant relative’s house or at boarding school. That’s what they said, at least. They sent him away when he was very young. Riley never wanted to talk about it, so I just assumed it was bad. I knew he existed, but I never met him.”
Looks like Blake got “crazy” stamped on his forehead long before he started street fighting.
“Is that why he blames you for destroying his family? Why he followed you to Florida for revenge? Because his parents got divorced?”
He lets out a long sigh, and I know what it stands for. It’s about to get worse. A lot worse.