I’d like to say that I hesitated. That the multiple sirens going off in my head were enough to restrain me. But they didn’t. I wanted to go. For the first time in forever, I didn’t care if it was wrong. Because nothing had ever felt more right.
“I DON’T BELIEVE IT FOR A second.” Haze shakes his head, the squeaking of the swing ringing in my ears.
Blatantly staring down at my feet, I try to remember the last time I swung in a park. I must’ve been around six years old. The streets are empty, enfolded in silence. I’d never be outside at this hour if Haze wasn’t with me.
“I swear.” I put my hands up. “I was alone for hours washing her car for Mother’s Day. I was so tiny I could barely reach the windows.”
“How old were you again?”
“Five.”
“You were one determined kid, that’s for sure. Was she happy?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. She never really said anything.”
Gratefulness would require for her to have a heart instead of a block of ice in its place.
“Sounds like your mom sucks.”
His bluntness amuses me.
“I wish I could hate her. I really do. But even after all of this, she’s still my mom, you know?”
He stares into the emptiness. “Yeah, I know the feeling.”
“What about you? Any good childhood stories?”
The chances of him actually confessing something to me are slim, but I try anyway. He opens his mouth to speak and closes it.
“Let me guess, you don’t want to talk about it?” I mentally chastise myself for hoping I could get something out of him. What was I thinking?
“It’s not that.” He looks conflicted. “It’s just…”
I wait for him to speak, holding my breath.
“I can’t think of a good memory.”
Ouch.
Then, like he got too close to a forbidden place, he shakes his head, trying to remove the unwanted thoughts from his brain. There are so many questions I want to ask, so much more I want to know.
“Want to go for a walk?” He gets up from the swing.
I nod, following him on the empty sidewalk that borders the park.
I watch the cars pass us. “You’re not who I thought you were.”
“And who is that, may I ask?”
“A big-headed Mr. Know-it-all, player, daddy’s spoiled little boy.”
“And who am I now?”
“A decent big-headed Mr. Know-it-all, player, daddy’s spoiled little boy.”
He laughs, shaking his head. “How kind of you.”
“I know.” I laugh along with him.