Dear Love, I Hate You (Easton High)

My gut feeling says no.

My best friend tangles her arm with mine, setting out for the exit, and as we walk side by side, it registers that I almost kissed Xavier. I, Aveena Harper, almost kissed Xavier Emery, slash my secret pen pal, slash texting buddy, slash the guy who poured his heart out to me on a sticky note mere hours ago.

And the real kicker?

He wanted to kiss me, too.

* * *

The clock shows 4:05 a.m. by the time I garner the courage to text him.

It only took an hour of tossing and turning in bed, thirty minutes of trying to make peace with the fact that sleep would not be an option tonight, then another thirty wondering if it’d be okay for me to change my mind and unghost “Zac.”

Love: You still up?

The message doesn’t deliver for five minutes. And when it does deliver, it doesn’t get the “Read” receipt it usually does—not exactly a shocker. Xavier probably passed out as soon as he got home. I’ve just put my phone down, willing to give sleep another go when it vibrates on my desk.

Zac: Maybe.

I break into a smile.

Love: Can’t sleep?

Zac: No.

Love: Me neither.

He stops replying, and I get the sense that he’s mad at me for something. To be fair, I’ve been ghosting him since I found his confession earlier today. Left him on Read for hours. It’s got to suck opening up to a stranger, only to get bailed on.

Love: I’m sorry for taking so long to reply. That was really shitty of me. I saw your confession and I just freaked.

Zac: Why?

Love: I think it got too real for me? I realized my next confession would have to measure up, and I’m scared that I’m going to scare you away with all of my baggage.

Zac: I just told you I’m emotionally fucked up, L. It’s me who should be worried about scaring you away.

Love: Tell you what, I’m going to leave my confession in the book tomorrow. Then we can revisit the “who’s more fucked-up” debate.

Zac: Deal.

Love: What’d you do tonight?

Zac: Nothing much. Went to senior prank night, too. Got stuck in a classroom with a girl from my childhood. You?

Love: What do you mean “too”?

Zac: I’m assuming that’s why you’re still up? Because you were there?

Warning signs flash in my head.

Do I tell him the truth?

What if he figures it out?

No, I can’t risk it.

Love: I didn’t go. Just stayed in, watched movies. How’d you end up stuck in a classroom with a girl?