Dear Love, I Hate You (Easton High)

Because it means I still care.

“Peachy.” He releases a weak scoff.

It’s his eyes.

Those sad, tug-at-your-heartstrings puppy eyes.

“What’s wrong?”

“Nothing’s wrong.” He picks up the bottle of Fireball at his feet, swipes a huge sip, and wipes his mouth with the back of his hand. “I’m just a fucking moron, that’s all.”

I hesitantly cut across the garage to his side.

“Care to elaborate?”

“Sure. Once upon a time, I royally fucked up the only good thing in my life. The end.” He can’t even muster a smile at his own joke. That’s how I know something is seriously wrong.

“I assume we’re talking about a girl here?”

“Not just any girl, Harper.” He pitches the ball harder against the wall as if to channel his frustration. “The girl.”

Brie?

Lacey?

Who fucking knows at this point?

“I’m sorry” is all I can think to say.

“Meh. Don’t be.” Xavier gives an unconvincing shrug before dragging another sip of alcohol. “It was always going to end this way. Any other story I fed myself was a load of shit.”

I wish I had a sensible excuse to justify what I do next, but I don’t. All I have is this insufferable need to give him the benefit of the doubt. I plop down by his side on the concrete floor.

Silence swallows us whole.

“I never apologized.” Xavier fills the void.

“For what?” I nestle my knees to my chest.

“Being a dick to you that first time at Theo’s.”

His admission of regret takes me back to the start. This seems like a million years ago. Dia had invited me to hang out at Theo’s, and I’d gotten there to find the lot of them in the pool. This was also the first time Xav and I had spoken since he’d stolen my first kiss at the park ten years prior.

He was such a scumbag to me that day. I remember Finn promising it wasn’t personal and Xav was just going through a rough patch. Now I know there’s a very good chance he’d just found out about his mom sleeping with his friend, hence his raining hell down on anybody within a five-mile radius.

And can you blame him?

“It’s fine,” I assure him.

“It’s not fucking fine, Vee.” Remorseful eyes lift to mine. “I was horrible to you. You didn’t deserve that shit.”

“I’m sure you had your reasons.”

He stifles a deep, irritated scoff. “Can you stop being so damn understanding for one second and just accept my apology?”

I chuckle quietly.

“Fine. Apology accepted. Happy now?”