She inhales. “You’ve told me everything. Except…”
I just stand there, anxiously waiting for the bomb to go off.
She shakes her head. “Listen, I love you. You know I do. And I’m willing to look past all the things that we’ve been through recently, but I don’t think I can take it going forward.”
She pulls on my hand and sits me down at the table. So, I need to sit down for this one? Not a good sign.
“I can’t live wondering if I’m going to lose you or anyone else ever again. I need to know. Are you going to keep looking for him?”
Her question hits me like a brick wall. I don’t know what the fuck to say.
Do I?
“I don’t know,” I admit.
Her brown eyes darken. This can’t be happening. Not when I just got her back.
“Winter, there’s nothing in this world I want more than to move on, believe me. I want to tell you what you want to hear, but that night… it’s fucking haunting me. I see it every time I close my eyes. I need justice for her.”
She sighs. “And I get that, I really do. You lost your little sister. I would lose my mind if someone ever touched Maika, but…” Tears come up to her eyes.
Her tears confirm my suspicions. I am in trouble, and we’re not just “discussing our issues” anymore. She’s giving me a ultimatum. Our relationship solely depends on what I say next.
“I almost lost my dad, Haze.” Her voice cracks.
Guilt surges up inside me.
“I know, and I’m so sorry, but the organization won’t ever be a problem anymore.”
“That doesn’t mean you won’t find some new problems along the way.” She wipes a tear that escaped her eye. “I guess what I’m trying to say is… If you want to keep looking, I can’t be around to watch you do it.”
What happened to her dad messed her up. I think she’d never been more shaken up in her life, and I understand her reaction, but what the hell am I supposed to do?
As if I thought out loud, she says, “All you have to do is tell me that this is enough for you. That we’re enough. That you can bear to let this go. That’s all I need. I want this to work. I think I’ve made that quite clear with all the running around I’ve done for you.”
I wish I could ease her pain, feed her the words she craves, but deep down, I know they would be lies. I won’t stop looking. I can’t. I open my mouth to tell her… but then I’m brought back to the night where she told me it was over. To the way I felt when she walked out of the apartment.
Losing this girl almost fucking killed me.
I can’t stop looking. But I also can’t lose her. I just can’t.
“I won’t,” I lie. “I’ll stop.”
She grants the tears in her eyes permission to stream down her face.
“Really?” I’ve never seen her happier, and I hate myself.
Fucking hell, Haze, the best part about you… is her.
Why are you doing this? Why are you so fucked up?
“Really.” I can barely get the words out. Before I know it, she’s straddling me, her arms around my neck and her tongue dancing with mine. I kiss her back.
“I love you,” she says in between intense kisses.
“I love you.” Everything else may be bullshit, but this… this is true. It’s the truest statement of them all.
We stay in this position for a few minutes until her phone goes off on the table.