And the three Ford children got drunk and watched the sun come up.
The Other Line
Ben was lying on my bed, awake. “Hey,” he said. “You okay?”
I stayed in the doorway, not because I didn’t want to go to him, but because it felt bizarre, looking at him in my childhood bedroom. This room, more than any place since, felt like my home.
“What are you smiling about?” he said.
I shook my head. “Can’t answer that, at the moment.”
He smiled. “I’m just glad you’re smiling,” he said. “Is she okay?”
I tilted my head. “Don’t you mean he?”
“No, I mean she. Your mother. I knew your dad was going to be okay. He’s the toughest bird I’ve ever met.”
“They’re both fine. They’re going to be fine.”
“Good. Then come here, already.”
I sat down on the edge of the bed, and Ben put his arm on the small of my back.
“Maddie went to the hotel with Michelle,” he said. “But she asked when she could come back. She asked if she could have pancakes with us in the morning. Isn’t that cute?”
“That’s nice.”
“I told her we are working on keeping the vineyard, which she was thrilled about, but maybe because it’s close to the pancakes. Fine by me if that’s the reason. I feel good with her happy being in Sebastopol.”
I smiled. Then I looked at him, really looked at him, trying to figure out how to say it. “You can’t stay here, Ben.”
“What are you talking about?”
“You can’t stay here with me. Even temporarily. You need to go and start your life in London.”
He looked at me, taking in those words. “And you’re not coming?”
I shook my head, definitive. “I can’t.”
He paused as if considering how to fight this. “I thought we made a new plan.”
“It doesn’t work. You need to be with your kid. Down the street. To take her to soccer. To pick her up from school.”
“She hates soccer.”
I shrugged. “That’s who you are.”
He sat up. “You’re who I am too . . .”
I leaned down toward him, tried to figure out how to explain it. “It isn’t about Maddie. It’s about the part of you that didn’t tell me about Maddie when you could have fit us together.”
He shook his head. “We’re back to this?”
“That’s why you kept them a secret from me, Ben. You didn’t want me to see what I see when I look at you now.”
“And what is that?” he said.
“That part of you wants to work things out with Michelle.”