“It doesn’t mean they have accepted me,” it sounds feeble even to my ears.
“A rejection letter would be smaller, congratulations Luna you get to whore yourself out to fifteen guys, your sister would be so proud.”
I think I would prefer she slap me or something, because her words hurt more than any strike she could ever deal to me. She isn’t even sticking around to hear me explain myself, she’d rather be at work than listen to my explanation.
“Mom don’t be like this, please. I did it for a good reason, the money could really help Poppy,” her stare is darker than a thunderstorm.
“Do not use your sister to validate this choice that you’ve made, you think you’ve chosen the easy way out well, you are wrong. If you get chosen, you will never be the same again. I can’t even look at you right now,” she wipes at her cheeks as she pulls her coat on and leaves our home and all I can do is stare at the envelope and wonder why they would call me in for the next stage.
I slip the envelope into our side cabinet before pulling my jacket on and leaving the only place I’ve ever felt accepted. There's someone I need to see, even though I’ve been avoiding her, I can’t any longer. Not if I could be gone for the next three years, I still can’t see myself getting through to the last stage of selection but I can’t risk it.
I arrive at the hospital and wrap my coat even tighter around myself, people are staring again. I feel as though if I stare at my skin I will see thousands of bugs crawling over me, although I know it isn’t bugs, it’s their eyes and I hate the way it’s making me feel. Maybe she’s right, if I can’t handle it here, how will I handle it inside the Academy?
“Miss Carter, how good to see you again. It feels like it's been ages since you came to visit,” Doctor Stevenson comes straight up to me and wraps his arms around me. My crush is crashing to the surface yet again, I really need to stop daydreaming about my sister’s physician.
“It has been a while I know, I’m an awful sister,” I can’t stop myself from grimacing as shame floods through me and my cheeks heat.
“Hey now, I won’t hear you talking about yourself like that. It can’t be easy for you to see your sister like this, who can blame you for staying away. I wish I could tell you things were improving but I won’t lie to you,” he’s shuffling on his feet and I can’t help but notice, yet again, how young he is.
He’s one of the few doctors here who doesn’t care about how much money his patients have, the only downside is, he’s the only doctor looking after my sister who is trying to make her better. The rest don’t give a damn about her and it’s breaking my heart. No doubt he’s falling in love with her like everyone else always does, great now I feel even worse because of having such a shitty thought about Poppy. It isn’t her fault, she’s always tried to make me see myself the way she does or did.
“It’s okay, I’m working on making it better for her. I just might not be around for a little while and I couldn’t just disappear without seeing her first.”
“Well, if you’re still here when I go on break come join me for a coffee,” he says before smiling at me and heading off to his next patient or so I presume. He is so nice.
With his warm brown hair, green eyes and broad shoulders I just lose my mind. I mean it would be okay if he was like everyone else, but he’s not. He cares about people, wants to help others and seems to want to make the world a better place, why does he have to be so perfect?
Walking into Poppy’s room is so surreal, she’s sitting up and looking out of the hospital window but that isn’t a positive sign for her.
“Hey sis, I see doctor cutie is on today. I bet he’s eager for you to finally talk to him, you always were one to make the guys work for your attention,” I force a laugh out, as I circle round and kneel in front of her chair.
Her eyes flick to me for a moment before returning to the window, I get it I really do.
“I feel you big sis, you just want your freedom. Just come back to us and you can be free, I really need you Poppy, I’m struggling to hold it all in. I can barely keep mom from working herself to death, she needs you, I need you. I’ve done something so stupid and the worst thing is, I know I can still back out but I won’t. Not if it’s the thing that will bring you back to us, I love you Poppy, you’ll get to live your dreams soon enough. But no more doctor cutie, give the rest of us a chance, okay,” my laugh is as watery as my eyes as I kiss her on the forehead before standing up.
Grabbing the brush from the bedside table, I brush through her curly locks, so different from my wavy hair, and my smile grows stronger at the thought that someone has been taking care of the little things for us. I know mom struggles to come every day, so I guess it's Stevenson, maybe one day I’ll find a guy like that for myself, I guess a girl can dream.
An hour passes so quickly but I should go, I’ve more than likely missed his break by now so I hopefully won’t run into him on my way out.
“See you soon beautiful,” I blow her a kiss and walk right into a firm and noticeably warm body.
My breath lodges in my throat as my eyes travel up for miles to lock onto Dr. Stevenson’s who is giving me the warmest smile I have ever seen outside of my very small and until recently, tight knit family.
“Fancy seeing you here,” his voice is like a warm whiskey, I know I’ve never tried it but I’ve heard that it’s warm.
“Sorry, I just ran right into you,” I tuck my hair behind my ear, I hope he hasn’t seen me enough to know I only do it when I’m feeling nervous.
“There are a lot worse
things to be run over by,” his smile is only growing bigger and I know he isn’t flirting with me, but it feels like he is. I really am hopeless.
“Well seeing as you’re still here, it looks like I have some company for my break,” he holds his arm out to me and my legs are trembling as I slip my hand into the crook of his elbow and I may lean on him a little more than he intended. The gentleman that he is, he doesn’t seem to mind.
He leads me to the cafeteria and grabs us both a sandwich and a strong cup of coffee, can’t say I drink it that much, but I do occasionally.
“So, Luna, what’s new with you?” I wish he wouldn’t look at me so intently, I feel naked under his gaze but I don’t have the crawling sensation when it’s his eyes that are on me.
“Actually, I may be going to college,” It’s not a complete lie, but I don’t feel good lying to him either.