Hollow Hearts (The Harkwright Trilogy)

“I want…” I let out a breath, before rolling my shoulders and looking up at the ceiling as though it holds all the answers. “I want to know what his fascination is with me, to be left alone without feeling as though there’s something hideously wrong with me,” tears clog my throat and I wipe furiously at the ones falling from my eyes. “I’ve always felt like a stand in Liam, it was only furthered when I was made a Zero. I guess for once in my life, I want to feel as though I’m not only someone’s first choice, but their only choice. That’s what I want. That and for Emmet to get a heavy dose of his own medicine. Let him know what it’s like to not be highly sought after because no matter what happens, if I was given the choice I would never pick him.”

I spin around and find him close, oh so fucking close to me. His eyes are staring at my lips and I find myself looking at his in return. No Luna, you do not want to kiss Liam. He’s your friend and you can have Cole if you say yes. Move away.

“What?” I ask on a whisper.

“Can I kiss you Luna?”

“No,” it comes out weak so I step back to show him I mean my words. “You’re my friend Liam and I won’t ruin that.”

“Shit, I’m sorry. I should never have asked you that, but you’re the only person I’ve ever met who doesn’t care about the guys surnames or the money. Even the Prince doesn’t stand a chance, despite his messed up way of trying to help you. You are incredible Luna and I can’t help but imagine what it would be like if you were mine.”

“The Prince doesn’t care what I want, if he did he would ask me. Besides, I meant what I said, all of this is his fault, he put a neon sign over my head, and the girls don’t like that. He’s made me forbidden fruit and people are stupid enough that they’re going to start thinking I’m special to him or something. I’m happy to keep ahold of my v-v-virginity but he can’t make me off limits and expect me to not become cannon fodder for the jealous little girls in this place.”

“I love the way you never swear, even when you could easily call them jealous little bitches,” my cheeks heat at his words, and I return to the love seat and he claims the seat beside me.

“Have I made things awkward between us?” he asks and I shake my head and smile at the breath he releases. I jump a little as he grabs my feet and pulls them on his lap, but I soon relax as his thumbs knead at the soles and I don’t think I’ve ever felt more relaxed than I do right now. How fucked up is that? I mean really.

Two more days, that’s all I give myself before I decide to leave my room and go to the mess hall. Only I can’t contain the squeak that leaves me when I open my door and come face to face with the Mountain.

“Y-y-you, why are you here?”

“I’m not going to waste time answering pointless questions,” he says and I almost disappear back into my room but I won’t. I’m done hiding from what happened, I survived and I need to stop acting as though I’m sorry about that outcome.

“How long do I have you for?”

“Today is my last day playing doorman, unless you’ve decided to stop hiding like a meek little mouse,”

his words aggravate me and I slam my door harder than necessary, before standing in front of him.

“I’m not a mouse, and I’m done staring at the same four walls,” I reply and a smile pulls at his mouth before it fades and he mock salutes me.

“Then I’ll be on my way, good luck Snowflake,” he turns and walks away, and I take one last look at myself before rolling my shoulders and heading to the mess hall.

I don’t miss the stares from the girls in the corridors or the few of the guys loitering in the foyer, but I don’t stare back. That’s not to say that I don’t feel weighed down by the time I walk inside the mess hall and it’s only going to get worse.

Caitlyn looks at me as I make my way over to the food station, she gives me a timid smile but I don’t return it. I’m not annoyed that she didn’t visit me but I am annoyed with myself that I let it hurt. She did the right thing ignoring me after what happened, she doesn’t need to be in their firing line because of who she associates with, but it still hurt my little fragile heart and I’m sick of being weak. I just don’t know how to make a change without becoming the person my mom feared I would turn into.

“Little Zero, we had a bet going on how long it would take you to resurface,” comes from behind me before Aeron moves to stand at my side.

“Who won?” I ask, as though it doesn’t bother me, making myself a plate of pancakes with all the toppings I can fit on the plate.

“Tucker the asshole, he guessed you’d come back after the six week mark. I said three days and Maddox refused to have any part of it.”

“Why three days?” I cock my head to the side, but I still refuse to look at him.

“Because I thought you were stronger than you clearly are.”Okay, that garners him my attention and he smirks as my eyes fly to his and my fingers twitch with the sudden urge to slap that stupid look right off his face.

“I almost died, how strong did you expect me to be?” I hiss and his cheeks hollow out before he pulls a joint out from behind his ear and sparks it up, right here by the breakfast food.

“Yeah but you didn’t, shame you couldn’t own it sooner. I expected more from you Little Zero,” he walks away and I should keep my words to myself but nothing could stop me.

“I expected more from you too.”

He laughs like I’ve just invented the best joke ever told, before he grabs my arm and drags me over to the Harkwright table. He doesn’t even notice the fact I’m hissing through my teeth as his fingers bear down on the bandage. It’s better, but it hasn’t fully healed yet and it still hurts.

“Aeron, you fucking dickhead,” my head shoots up right as a fist smashes into his cheek and his hand releases me. I step back as he takes blow after blow until someone pulls Tucker away and he still has the audacity to laugh.

“Who pissed in your cereal?”