You’ll Never Have Me (Never 3)

PROLOGUE

SO, this is how it all ends, I always thought I’d die alone but at least at peace. I mean yeah, the alone part is spot on but I’m far from at peace with the world. My entire being hurts and I just want it to end, to let Dante put me out of my misery and him. Yeah, I never saw that one coming, even throughout the two years I spent in Padstow I never imagined he would be involved.

They want me to suffer, to pay for Elliott’s sins. Haven’t I already done that? But no, apparently a fast, painless death isn’t enough for these bastards. They want to draw it out, torture me with their silence and strange looks. He’s got the gun in his hand, he always does when he comes into the room, but he hasn’t pulled the trigger yet. I know he’s waiting for something to happen; I just don’t know what it is. If I did, I'd make it happen right now and then this could all be over.

One good thing, my heart can’t break anymore. And even though I’m not with him or even them, I know I was loved, and it makes it just a little easier. I’m such a sap. All this time I spent running away to keep my life going, I just didn’t see that I was running in the wrong direction.

Harrison, where are you? No, I can’t think about him. Not being here is a good thing, I just hope he’s still alive somewhere out there. Okay, I will not cry, I will get out of this chair and I’ll make a break for it. He can kill me, but I won’t make it easy for him, the funny thing, your mind goes to some really weird places when you’re faced with your death.

I can’t stop thinking back on the last day of school, everything that set all of this into motion. Revealing Octavia for who she really is, saying goodbye to my guys for good, even if I only did it internally and believing things couldn’t get any worse. Until it came.

Maybe it wouldn’t be a terrible thing to think about it for a little while. Hey, if it’s going to end here, I might as well give myself a reason to smile even just for a little while. Sure, the couple of months will also make me want to cry but I’m okay with that, as long as I don’t cry for these two, I will never cry for them!

ONE

“I CAN’T BELIEVE this is the last day I’ll set foot in this room,” I say, and I feel a little nostalgic, but Roxie doesn’t feel it at all.

“We are finally free from this prison baby girl, be happy,” she says but I can’t make a smile appear not now that I’ve let the guys go for good.

“Have you thought about talking to them? You’re clearly upset, maybe it will do you some good,” she says as she places her hands on my shoulders and gives me a mixed look of sympathy, as though she’s trying to be stern.

“I can’t, they lied to me for so long. I know Elijah didn’t, but he’s their friend. Honestly, I think I need a clean break,” I say as my voice cracks and tears threaten to spill again.

“Okay, I’ll tell them to go,” she says and looks at me sheepishly as I glare at her.

She moves towards the door, but it opens before she gets the chance and all three of them are standing there, looking at me. Amias all dark and broody, with eyes that refuse to release me from their hold. Elijah with his usual smile but it lacks the genuine emotion I’m so used to seeing from him and then there’s Noah. He looks as broken as I feel, his eyes are darkly circled, and he looks like he hasn’t slept in a week. I know how he feels.

I don’t want Noah to be the first one to say anything, it’ll wreck me. No, I’m hoping for Amias. He always knows how to stir the anger within me, and I really need a dose of anger right now.

“You need to stop pushing us away and let us explain, why can’t you get that through that stubborn little head of yours,” Amias says as he slams the door closed behind them and Noah looks as though he wants to crack him one.

“I don’t need to do anything, don’t barge into my room and make demands of me,” I meet his stare head on and step closer, close enough to punch or kiss him. No kissing him. “You lost that right when you couldn’t be honest with me,” I can feel my lip tremble, being this close to them is frazzling my nerves.

“I didn’t want to lose you,” he shouts, getting so close his nose is brushing mine.

“Well sucks to be you doesn’t it, because it looks like you failed,” I scream back and then his mouth is on mine and I let him for a second before I pull away and slap him hard across the face.

He looks stunned, and a little turned on. Why doesn’t that surprise me?

“You don’t get to kiss me anymore,” I say as I move away from him and I know one of them is following me. My Noah bear, the guy I knew could break my heart, I just never imagined he would.

“Please Henleigh, I don’t want to lose you. The thought of never holding you again, never kissing you or seeing your whole face light up as you smile is killing me. Please, tell me what I can do to make this right,” tears are streaming down his face as he falls to his knees and clings to my hand.

“Noah, please. Let me go,” my voice is broken and desperate as my own tears break free.