You’ll Never Have Me (Never 3)

He looks at me and he seems to realise that I’m tightly wound as he distracts the lady with talk of a purchase and we soon leave with a car. I’m still shaky and nowhere near ready to drive so he takes the wheel and we go to a B and B. We make sure we park the car at least a five minute walk away from there, so we’ll be harder to track. He’s hungry but my appetite is shot to pieces, so he goes to the little restaurant and I go up to our room.

I’m so tense and I can think of a way to relax, but I don’t know how long Harrison will be gone for. Fuck it I’m scared, tense and horny as fuck. I can at least sort two of those out and maybe the fear will go to the side-lines for a little while.

I close the door behind me and go into the bathroom, running the water until it’s hot enough to relax my stiff muscles. I climb in and I can’t help the groan that slips out as I submerge myself in the tub. I feel a little stupid, with everything going on and I’m coming in here to play. Maybe I should just have a quick bath and find a different release for my frustration or...my hand slides down my stomach and I brush my finger across my nub, slow but hard as my toes curl. It feels good, not as good as what my guys could do but enough to get the job done.

I slide my finger inside and my moans echo around the room, I’m so lost in my pleasure as a shout leaves my throat I don’t realise the door has opened before it's too late. My horrified eyes meet Harrison’s before he slams the door shut. Yeah, I’m going to live in here now, fuck going out there. I sink under the water and hope beyond hope that I imagined that.

I’M WRAPPED in a thick dressing gown as I find a smidge of courage and leave the bathroom. Harrison is lounging on the bed watching the tv but he turns it off the moment he realises I’ve come back. I’m standing here staring at him, my cheeks burning as I flush all over and he’s lying there as quiet as I am.

Please say something. This is beyond mortifying; I don’t think it can get any worse than this.

“I’m er...well,” he looks so uncomfortable as he rubs the back of his neck, why is he uncomfortable? It's not like I walked in on him.

“I didn’t know you would be back so soon, I would have locked the door otherwise,” I say pathetically, what more can I say?

“It’s my fault, I heard you shout and thought the worst. I should have realised what was happening, but I didn’t stop to think. Sorry I ruined your fun,” he’s smiling now, but it looks forced.

“It’s fine, let's just pretend it never happened or we’re going to have to insist on twin beds. Otherwise sleeping beside you is going to be awkward,” I don’t even need to emphasise that, but he’s got this twinkle in his eye now and its making me feel itchy beneath my skin.

“Not sure I can pretend that, those noises you make. Woman, who would want to forget those,” his voice comes out deep and husky, filled with a heat I don’t want to name but yeah he’s teasing me and it's only making my blush intensify. Man, I really hate this guy sometimes.

“You are such a dick,” I say weakly as I lay down on the bed beside him and turn so my back is to him.

“Don’t be like that, sulky Henleigh is just a bore,” he says as he pokes me in the side, making me shriek with laughter. His eyes open wider before they narrow and his fingers dance across my ribs making me howl.

I hate being tickled and Harrison being the culprit only makes it worse, he’s hovering over me and I think I’m going to cry. I'm laughing that hard.

“Please stop,” I beg through the laughter and he takes pity on me and relents. I’m breathing hard and I’ve got a stitch as he returns to his previous position and resumes watching tv.

I turn back around and I’m lying next to him as we watch crap on the telly, we aren’t touching but we’re closer together than we usually are. It’s nice to not be fighting, but he won’t get away with not telling me what happened when he chased after the train guy.

We watch an hour or two of tv before I’m ready to broach the subject, I need to come out with it. No beating around the bush, but will he be honest?

“What happened, when you acted like a moron and chased after him?” Don’t antagonise him. Too much attitude and bite behind my words, but he was acting moronic, just chasing after him like that.

“He tried to lose me but I’m guessing he doesn’t know I used to run track, I managed to keep up until he ran into this jam packed shop and I lost him,” he drags his hand through his hair, messing it up instantly. ‘I tried to hunt him down, but it wasn’t any use. The best thing is he ran, which means our little trap worked. He’s following you and I’m guessing he isn’t Dante which means he has help,” talk about stating the obvious, he didn’t figure that out sooner? Bitchy.

“Didn’t we already get that impression when those two on the bike were watching us back in Nottingham. All I want to know is how many people he has on us?” I’ve got him thinking loud enough for me to hear the cogs turning now.

“How far do you think he can stretch, maybe we should aim to get even further. We could go to Scotland or even Wales,” he suggests, and it makes me splutter so much that I start choking.

“We can’t go that far, the plan is London, it has always been London,” he needs to see this, I can’t give up my plan this easily. Not that any of this is easy.

“For crying out loud, what else has to happen for you to get your head out of your arse? Whatever or whoever is waiting for you in London, will have to wait a little longer. We have to stay safe or have you got a death wish or something?” He’s shouting again, what is it about me that makes people start shouting.

“This isn’t for some guy if that’

s what you think, but it’s always been the plan. Go to London, discover the truth and right the wrongs. How can I do that if I’m not even in England? Harrison, the last ten years of my life have been about me finding out what happened. I don’t know who I am without it,” my voice breaks and reality crashes down on me. It’s so honest it’s scary, and heart-breaking how fixated I am that I don’t know what to be without it.

“You became obsessed,” I shoot him a glare, but he holds his palm against my mouth. “I know obsession, it’s how I felt after what happened to Rebecca. But it doesn’t make you feel good once it’s over, it makes you feel like crap and it made me feel worthless. Working in the garage gave me a new purpose and I felt good for the first time in, who knows how many years.” I took that from him, he must hate me.

I try to speak but he won’t take his hand away, oh no what’s he going to say now. Am I not wrecked enough?

“I don’t blame you, woman you tried to get me to leave and I was too stubborn to listen. It’s on me and I don’t feel as empty as I thought I would; leaving there. It’s not the end of my dream, it’s just a detour,” his eyes are soft and he’s smiling gently at me, first time this has ever happened.

“How do I find a new dream?” I ask as he slowly pulls his hand back and drops it to my shoulder.

“Find something you’re passionate about and see if you can do that for something who isn’t a person. Don’t get me wrong, it’s never bad to be passionate with someone, but you can’t live for them. Live for yourself first and then give the love a chance,” wow that’s rather poetic, I’m dumbfounded that it came from him.