I cross to my chest of drawers and hunt through it until I find an old top of his. I remove my top, bra and jeans, before slipping his over my head. It’s an old top that falls to my mid-thigh and keeps all the important bits covered. I don’t plan on leaving this room, so I won’t put pj bottoms on. My frenchies will do just fine.
I spread out on my mattress and turn on my iPod and listen to Lewis Capaldi on repeat, by the time his voice has soothed my soul and calmed my demons I feel nothing but raw. I’m naked and bare and no one will ever know, because there’s no one around now who cares enough to see. To see how close I am to the precipice, I’m just one gust of air away from tumbling over. I’ve always loved a good metaphor and only I really hear them. I wonder how many would realise what I mean by it. I don’t have a death wish, but I am starting to wonder what I have left to keep on trying for. Death may be the coward’s way out, but I’m getting to the point where I’m sick and tired of being strong and fearless. Why can’t I be a coward, just this once?!
My eyes drift closed and the music plays on until the battery dies, I’m dead to the world until a loud roar has me waking up instantly. I’m on high alert as I run from my room and rush down the stairs, I trip on the last one and only just manage to grab hold of the banister to stop myself from face planting the floor.
I swing around it and barrel into the living room, instantly falling into shock. I can’t believe what I’m seeing, I just didn’t expect it. I rush to the sofa as Harrison roars out again and his fist comes up swinging. I duck from the onslaught but he’s fast asleep, I have no idea who he’s battling with, but by the sweat beading on his brow I know he’s struggling.
“Harrison,” I say it softly, a little worried to touch him in case he tries to punch me, but my voice isn’t penetrating the barrier of his sleeping world.
“H,” I say a little louder, but nothing happens. He starts to kick out and his hands clench round what looks like an invisible neck.
Screw it, if I get punched then that’s a risk I’m willing to take as I climb on top of him and lay my head against his chest. He stiffens beneath me before his hands are suddenly squeezing my hips and I lift my head just as his eyes shoot open, bloodshot and wild. He looks lost and I don’t know if I’m only making things worse. I don’t think he’s aware as his eyes drift closed and his arms wrap round me and he moans softly. My eyes widen as I hear him moan my name and hold onto me like I’m his lifeline, here’s to hoping I can help keep his demons away for a little while.
I didn’t know he had such bad dreams, I don’t recall him having any before. But then again, we’ve been sharing a bed the entire time. This is the first time he’s slept alone since we left Cornwall in our rear view mirror.
I WAKE up to Harrison mumbling as he comes around and he stiffens as he realises I’m lying on top of him, but he doesn’t move me.
“Woman, what’s wrong with your bed?” He asks and he sounds worried, I don’t think he wants me to know about his nightmares and I have no desire to make him feel any worse.
“I know it’s sad, but I got used to having you with me. You were fast asleep when I came down, sorry,” I say sheepishly, giving him a wide grin.
I can tell he doesn’t believe me, but he won’t accuse me of lying, not if in his mind, this helps him to save face.
“If it helps you to sleep then I guess we can continue to share at night,” he says acting chivalrous. He has a false smile on his face and his eyes are downcast, I think he’d be fidgeting if I wasn’t still on top of him. I don’t mind that it’s for him especially when I sleep better when I’m not alone as well.
“Umm Woman, what are you wearing?” He asks as his eyes darken and his hands on my hips tighten slightly.
“Oh shit,” I say, feeling flustered as I jump to my feet and take the stairs two at a time. His laughter follows me all the way to my room.
NINE
I SHOULD HAVE GOT Elijah to show me how to pick a lock, but it’s not like I can ask him now. Could I?
I pull my phone out, my thumb is hovering over the screen. I shouldn’t do this, it isn’t like he’s answering my messages but it’s been what, eleven days. It wouldn’t hurt to send him another. Besides if he doesn’t answer this time, then I’ll stop. Maybe that’s what he wants.
Eli, I know you haven’t answered and I understand that, I really do. I know I hurt you and I guess I still am, but I’ll let you go after this. I won’t keep being selfish, besides after this you probably won’t even want to see my number in your contact list anymore. I need your help and you’re the only one I can think to ask about this. I miss you.
“What are you doing?” I jump out of my skin which only makes H narrow his eyes more, oh yeah, I look suspicious for sure.
“I messaged Eli and before you get your knickers in a twist he’s the only one who knows how to pick a bloody lock,” I say as I put my hands on my hips and square my shoulders, preparing for the fight he’ll likely start.
“I don’t wear knickers,” that’s all he says as he turns around and
walks away, huh I was not expecting that.
What do you need?
He replied, but that’s all he says. Damn I think I prefer it when he ignores me.
I have this room that I need to get into, but it’s locked…
Ten minutes pass and I don’t hear anything back, I guess I need to think up a different way of getting inside.
I put my phone in my pocket as it starts to ring and my heart comes to a halt as Elijah’s face pops up on the screen. Oh shit, I don’t know if I can handle this. Man up Henleigh, you want his help then deal with it.
“Hi,” it’s soft and hesitant, and I’m sure he can hear the confusion in my voice.
“What the fuck are you up to?” Damn but he sounds genuinely angry at me, does he really need to call me for this?