You’ll Never Have Me (Never 3)

We follow her into the living room of her ground-floor flat, although this room alone is almost bigger than the whole of the cottage we abandoned in Cornwall. It’s easy to forget how rich she is with the way she acts and even dresses and she’s so unassuming about it all. If anything, I’d think she’d be just as happy living in squalor as long as she could still perform.

“There’s plenty of room for you to stay here, the only issue is that there is only one room free and Bella has already called dibs on the sofa for that bit of ‘advice’ you needed,” she says smiling in an utterly saccharine manner, as though butter wouldn't melt.

“It’s fine, we’ll share,” Harrison says gruffly, looking around her place but it's hard to miss the way he stares at the family photos she has on the walls, it must be hard for him.

“Oh really,” she drawls out and leaning to the side at the same time. Her mind is running rampant with all the possibilities that his words could mean. Declan looks uncomfortable and Bella is sitting on the sofa utterly gob smacked and a little green around the edges.

“It isn’t like that, we’re just,” I don’t know how to finish this sentence. “Comrades, friends, mutually beneficial acquaintances at prolonging our lives to the best of our abilities.

“We’re friends,” he spits out before leaving the room and all eyes are following his departure, because that makes it seem so much more convincing.

“You are welcome to stay here for as long as you like, but how would you feel if I used this offer to blackmail you just a little?” Roxie bats her lashes like a pro, Declan doesn’t stand a chance against her wills.

“Blackmail or extortion, because there is a difference,” I reply, resting my chin on my palm and staring at her, come on Roxie I know what you want but I can’t say yes.

“I need a guitarist, please baby girl without you the show can’t go on,” she throws her head back and lays her arm across her forehead, so bloody dramatic.

“I can’t, I’m on the fucking run. Why else do you think I got Ivy to contact you? I can’t Roxie, I’m sorry,” my voice cracks and my mood darkens at the thought of yet another thing ruined because of a past I’m not privy to?

“Don’t be moronic, you’re doing it,” spinning around, I cannot believe what I’m hearing, shouldn’t Harrison be on my side on this one at least. It’s not just my life at stake here, it’s his as well. Why do I have to be the bloody voice of reason?

“You can’t be serious, has everyone lost their ever-loving mind, I swear we’ve entered the twilight zone or something?” I throw my hands out and spin around, maybe if I spin fast enough everything will start making sense again.

Harrison grabs hold of me and makes me stand still, running his hands up and down my arms before gripping my elbows. Our eyes are connected, and no one is saying a thing. I know they’re watching us, but I care more about what he has to say than their stares.

“We are miserable woman, we’re running from county to fucking county with no end in sight. You love playing, I remember when me and Benjy were watching you play and you forgot we were there and you started to sing. You fucking glowed, not just a pregnancy thing it turns out,” his eye are burning into mine and I can hardly catch my breath. His hands are running up and down again, and I hate the way it's affecting me. His touch and his words, they are electrifying me, I wonder if my friends can see the sparks shooting off us. “Do it, if they find us we’ll get away. I think we have it down to an art form now,” oh my days, did Harrison just wink at me? He’s smiling and it's not sarcastic, it looks genuine.

“Okay,” I breathe out as I stand looking at him, returning his smile in full force. There is going to be a lot of discussions about this later, but right now, I don’t care. What does it mean? What is going on between us?

OUR FIRST NIGHT sleeping here is beyond awkward but at least we’re not haunted by our dreams and I have Roxie

to deal with today, how fun. She is way too excited by all this, but now she wants to hear me sing, I am not going to do that. I’m nothing compared to the set of pipes she has on her, it will be embarrassing. Nope, not doing it.

“You my dear, are a spoilsport,” she says as she pops her hip before placing her arm around my shoulder. Oh no, something’s coming. “We need to go shopping,” her eyes are sparkling and I’m being ushered out before I even get the chance to make an objection. If Dante doesn’t kill me, she just might.

She’s pushing me into a car along with herself and Bella, I do not like the secretive looks they keep sharing with one another though.

“Where are we going?” I ask hesitantly, I wonder if they can hear the fear in my voice.

“Clothes shopping, we have to wear new clothes for a new show. They’re the rules,” Roxie says while rolling her eyes and waving her hand at me dismissively.

“I... can’t.”

“WHAT DO you mean you can’t?” Roxie sounds as though she’s about to declare war, what the fuck?!

“I don’t have enough money for pointless frivolities like clothes for one fucking night! It’s not important, okay,” why am I shouting at her?I am such a bitch.

“I’m going to blow over the insult about the clothes because if I don’t I will have to kick your arse,” she blows out a breath through her teeth, before closing her eyes and I can see her mouthing from one to ten. “How are you broke? You had your ISA clear less than a month ago.”

“It was taken out of my bank, he really wants to make it hard to keep fighting him and to stay alive,” dramatic but oh so true. How depressing has my life become? I feel like I’m in some musical where the heroine is destined to always fail.

“It’s my treat and before you say anything,” can people stop shushing me with their fingers and hands, for crying out loud, “I need this and I need you. I really missed you and I was scared shitless that you were going to be found dead in a ditch somewhere,” her eyes are glistening like a still pool of water as the sun shines down upon it. She really was scared for me, fuck she probably still is. The fear never seems to dissipate for me.

I CAN’T ARGUE with her, not over this and at least I get to spend the rest of today with her and Bella. I’m not sure where Mikaela is, maybe she isn’t coming for it. It will be strange not having everyone here, but it isn’t Padstow anymore, everything has changed.

BEING BACK at the flat is a relief, the bags are weighing me down. I do not need this much stuff, but of course Roxie wouldn’t listen to my protests. They just fell on deaf ears whenever I tried, impossible woman.

Harrison is hiding in our room, I guess it must be awkward for him being around Declan. I might be assuming wrong but why else would he want to hide away from everyone?