You’ll Never Have Me (Never 3)

“Guess I better get out there,” Harrison is so snappy now, I knew I shouldn’t have sung or maybe I should have sung something that wasn’t my own words and feelings. I hate that I feel so crappy right now.

“Please stay,” everyone is staring at us, and I couldn't care less about what they may be thinking.

“Why?” What is it with him and these deceptively easy sounding questions that I cannot answer!?

“Because when I look into that audience I don’t know if I’ll be able to concentrate enough to pick you out of the crowd. And I need to be able to find you, H you calm me. Please,” a simple nod. That’s all he’s giving in response to me shredding myself open before him. Jackass.

“It’s showtime,” Roxie says and her jumping up and down is making me feel nauseous or maybe that’s the nerves. Either way, I really want to hurl right now.

Walking onto the stage, I cannot be more thankful that the lights are as bright as the sun, almost blinding in their intensity. Hallelujah, I can’t make out a single person.

This is going to be okay, I can do this it’ll be just like Padstow. Except my life is in mortal danger and I no longer have my guys, so nothing like Padstow then. Great.

Closing my eyes is idiotic, but I don’t need to be able to see the frets on my guitar to be able to play. It flows out and melds with the others perfectly and Roxie adding her voice gives me chills. It always does.

Oh crap. I should not have opened my eyes, what the fuck is Amias doing here? No, no, no. I can’t do this, but I can’t walk off the stage, it isn’t fair to the girls. Shit!

Deep breaths, that’s what I need. No, I need my anchor, sod it, I need H. Our eyes meet and his lids are heavy, but he looks far from tired. He’s giving me the courage I need to carry on but he’s not looking at me anymore and why are his eyes widening and his face paling? Harrison should not be the colour of alabaster, something is wrong.

Searching the crowd is impossible, surely this room is packed beyond capacity. They’re like sardines in a tiny little tin, and I can’t exactly lend all my concentration on this endeavour when I have to play the guitar effortlessly. I can’t afford to make a mistake, not when it’s their first show away from school, since they got rid of Leah.

A shiver is coursing through me, it had to be a coincidence. But why does it feel as though a laser is being drilled through my chest, into my heart and through my soul. Dante, Mr. Terrifying himself.

Amias is watching me, I know it. Why is he making his way over to Dante? He could annihilate him as easily as blinking. Amias does not stand a chance, can he not see that?

I do not like the smile that is spreading across Dante’s face, it’s as cold as his soul and I now know what his eyes remind me of. A dark, empty void. The kind of place where emotions like happiness, hope and even kindness go to die.

PLAYING until our set finishes is cutting at my nerves, I have no idea how I have pulled this

off. I’m even standing here bowing with the others when I want to run as fast as I can. Can I stop him by screaming so loudly I damage his ear drums beyond repair? Stop being an idiot Henleigh.

“Hey, calm down we just did a great show. Where’s the fire?” Roxie is buzzing from the adrenaline, I guess the performance high is a real thing after all, just not for me.

“He’s here,” I’m beyond frantic and a hell of a lot louder than I was aiming for.

She has no idea what I am talking about, clearly her head hasn’t kicked into gear yet. Running off the stage and colliding with Harrison is the best thing that could happen right now, he saw him as well. I can see it written across his face. We don’t need any words as he is wrapping my jacket around me and pulling me out of the back exit.

I can hear them calling us as clear as day, but we can’t afford to stop and explain what is happening.

“Hello pretty girl,” his tone is colder than the arctic and it is sharp enough to slice through the hardest, toughest skin.

Harrison’s hand is on my stomach, keeping me behind him but Dante isn’t paying any attention. He only has eyes for me.

“How did you find us?” I ask, trying to instil strength in my voice, but it’s as tumultuous as the ocean during the perfect storm.

“I have my ways; I’ll happily share them with you. Is that your last request little hen?” Devon’s nickname for me on his tongue feels wrong on so many levels.

“Henleigh, I need you to run and do not even think about stopping until you’re safe,” Harrison isn’t even looking at me, his eyes fixated on Dante. He can’t honestly believe I will leave him here alone with him.

“Now,” he screams at me as he pushes me away and launches himself at him, I can’t move but him screaming at me to run is enough to get me overriding the freeze response in me. It get’s me moving.

Forgive me.

THANK YOU, Roxie.

It felt so stupid when Roxie gave me this hotel key before the start of the show, but I can’t be anymore grateful than I am right now. I can’t believe I left him alone with Dante, I’m despicable. After everything I have said to him, Ivy and myself and I just run. I don’t care that he told me too, it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.

I haven’t got anything with me, my duffel bag is back at Roxie’s and all she has left for me is some very revealing lingerie and clothes for tomorrow. What did she think was going to happen in here tonight? And who did she give the second key too, Harrison or Noah?