I heard from the headmaster that something happened to the photo of Elliott you had and I understand how painful that is for you so I’ve uploaded a photo of him to this email so you will always have it with you and you also have a present heading your way. I hope to hear from you on Christmas Day. I love you my little one.
Love Dad
X
I can’t stop looking at the photo of Elliott as tears stream down my cheeks and cover my phone screen, I don’t even care or try to hide the fact I’m crying when Amias sits next to me.
“Hey, what’s wrong?” he asks, he doesn’t really do concerned but he does do nice-ish.
I’m so choked up I can’t even talk, he glances at my phone and I’m not going to try and hide it from him.
“Boyfriend?” he asks, his tone going ice cold.
“Don’t be moronic, is that really what you think of me?” my sadness turns to anger as I push up to my feet.
“No it’s not, but it’s not like I know all that much about you,” he says it so forcefully and with so much irritation behind it. It gets my back up instantly, the fact he could jump to conclusions so easily and the emotional onslaught I just felt at seeing Elliott’s face again, it’s just too much.
“It’s my goddamn brother, screw you,” I bite out and I’m charging out of those doors as fast as my legs will carry me.
Of course, my luck would send me crashing into Finley and I slap my palm against his chest in sheer frustration.
“Stay the fuck out of my way,” I force out between gritted teeth and he holds his hands up in a placating gesture.
“Maybe you should look where you’re going,” he shoots back before taking my appearance in.
“Hey, are you alright?” he asks, laying his hands upon my shoulders, but I quickly shake him off.
“Don’t act as though you give a rats arse, just stay away from me.”
“Henleigh,” calls Amias, before he pushes Finley aside and tells him to stay away from me.
“Why don’t you both just leave me alone,” I shout and suddenly I have Roxie at my side and she’s leading me away and the tears refuse to stop falling.
She’s typing away on her phone while I sit on my bed staring at Elliott, she hasn’t asked what’s wrong and I’m loving her so hard right now.
“Declan is going to find Amias and let him know where we are, you don’t have to see him, but he looked worried.” She says this gently, like I’m a frightened animal who may flee at any moment.
“He doesn’t do worried. I don’t know a thing about him and he doesn’t know me.” I laugh derisively as I say this, but I feel so melancholy as well. It would be nice to let someone in.
“Hey, I saw his face, he may prefer to fight and cause fights, but he does care about you. Emotions don’t care about the past but if you do, maybe you should try to rectify that yourself,” she says, sitting beside me and making it sound like it’s the easiest thing in the world to do.
“I wouldn’t even know where to begin and what if he doesn’t like what I have to say?” It hasn’t dawned on me how scared I am of that, until right now. Sure I was worried, but I’m actually fearful that I’ll lose him and the others.
I haven’t allowed myself to have anyone to lose and now I’ve gained more people than I had ever imagined. It would be a very lonely place if they all turned their backs on me and shut me out.
“If he or any of us can’t handle your truths, then are we really worth letting in. If the answer is no, then you’re better off without us anyway.”
“I’m scared, I did something really bad. And I’m not ready to find out if you can handle my truths or not,” saying it out loud, it sounds pathetic, but she pats me on my knee.
“Then take baby steps and work your way up to the ugly stuff, people can surprise you, ya know.”
Her phone pings and she tells me that Amias wants to see me, I ask if she’ll stay and she has this huge grin on her face when she says, “just let him try to kick me out.”
Five minutes later and he’s leaning against the wall beside my door. Roxie is spread out on my sofa and I’m leaning on my bed, just waiting for someone to say something.
“I didn’t know you had a brother.”
“Well that makes it all better then doesn’t it? You didn’t know about Elliott so I must have a boyfriend back at home,” the disdain is dripping from me and he won’t even meet my eyes.