“I told you I was toxic and too messed up for you, I saw you crying with a picture of a guy on your phone and I instantly thought bad of you. It’s the way I’m wired, I always expect the worst and tend to bring it out in people as well.” He sounds angry with himself and determined to show me all the ugliness he believes is stored within him.
“I was crying because I only had one photo here and Octavia shredded it into confetti. It’s why I was so messed up when Mattias took me to Noah, it’s also why he knows one thing about my life that none of you do,” I say, my frustration and pain mixing and bleeding out into my voice.
“Hang on, you’re just going to ignore what I said about myself?” He sounds confused and I think I’m going to put him out of his misery quickly.
“I like the way you are, it’s unnerving and I can’t get a read on you which is unusual for me but it makes things interesting. So yep, no need to talk about it because I accept it, it’s as easy as that.” I stand up, pulling my hair into a loose ponytail to give me something to do before I continue. “My brother died ten years ago, I don’t even know the full story as to how, but he was my hero and when he died, I didn’t just lose him. He had these friends, they were my guardians, my brothers. Two died, one went to prison and one is lying in a hospital bed in a coma. So, when my dad sent me a picture it made me cry.” It rushes out of me and my voice is thick with all the emotions I try to bury and keep hidden.
“That’s why Noah went to bat for you, you told him what happened.” His eyes fill with understanding as the realisation hits him.
“No, I just told him about the photo and how he was dead. You now know more than anyone else,” I say, my tone softening and some of the sadness is disappearing.
“Except me,” comes from Roxie with a wink and I can’t help but laugh at that.
“Thanks for trusting me and I’m sorry for thinking the worst of you, I should have known better.” his tone is low and silvery, and it sends the good kind of chills over me.
“No, it’s only been over a month. How can you know me better,” I state and he comes closer. I swallow nervously and I can feel the heat coming from his body, he’s that close.
“No, it was hard for you liking three of us, there’s no way you could have a secret boyfriend somewhere. I think I’ve got a good read on you and I know you well enough.” He sounds so sure, but how can he be?
I smile at his words even though I know he’s wrong, he doesn’t know everything, and soon everything will come crashing down.
Elliott
It’s been a while since I wrote anything to you and I’m sorry for that. It’s just you are my big brother and I wanted to share this with someone. I’ve had a great start to the week so far and Amias is surprisingly fun when the others aren’t around. I haven’t revealed my big bad secret, but I’ve been talking about you a lot, and it feels good to just talk. Bella is so nice to be around; she is such a softie and I’m so glad she invited me to the movie night. I never would have approached them. And it turns out Declan is a great guy. You can tell how much he adores Roxie and I’m glad he stuck it to that bitch.
I want you to know that I haven’t forgotten, and I am sticking to my plan to find out why I had to lose you.
I keep remembering that conversation we had a month before you were taken from me, and I can’t shake the idea that you knew something could happen.
That can’t be true surely, you wouldn’t have risked leaving me alone or risked our brothers. So what happened? I wish you could answer me. I love you Elliott, I really hope the big reveal won’t break my heart. I need you to be my hero, what am I saying? It doesn’t matter, whatever happened back then you are my big brother and I adore you.
Forever your pipsqueak
Hen
X
I close my journal and put it in my bag, I’m never leaving it in here. I need to hurry up and get ready for Amias, come on Henleigh pull your head out of your arse.
Apparently, he’s taking me on a ‘friends only’ date, not sure how that works out but that’s what he said. Bella picked out a pair of thick burgundy tights, with a knee length black jumper dress and a pair of wedge ankle boots. I feel overdressed but I’ve got to admit it works well together and my gold lidded eyes and pale pink lips compliment it just right.
Why do I feel nervous? It’s only Amias. Or maybe it’s because in a week’s time everyon
e will be back, and I have no idea where that and will leave us. I’m trying to focus more on what I’ll be doing when we get out for the summer. But how can I get out of here Without having to return to my parents’ house?
Oh what a complicated web I weave, if only it could be a tad more straightforward than it is right now.
There’s a knock at my door and a sudden rise of giddiness is overtaking me. My heart is pounding, my cheeks feel hot and I swear my hands are clammy all of a sudden.
I open the door and stare straight into his eyes, he’s back to being unreadable, but I swear his eyes haven’t been as hard and dark recently.
“Are you ready?” he asks, as he holds out his arm and I hook mine through it.
“Lead the way, I’m all yours,” I say, and then instantly regret it, I can’t be saying shit like that.
“Stop panicking I’m not reading anything into your comment, today is all about having fun and for that to begin we need to get out of this prison they call a school.” He’s smirking and his eyes are sparkling with excitement. It’s rubbing off on me, and I’m excited without even knowing why.
I ask him how we’re supposed to do that, but he quickly leads me down to the shed and helps me climb up. I go down the ladder and wait for him to join me.