You Never Knew Me (Never 1)

Enough hiding Noah, I need to know what is going on with you and I’m not going to take no for an answer.

I’m pounding against his door and loads of people are coming out to see what is going on, except for him. Nearly everyone is heading to their next class and maybe Noah is as well, but I’m certain I can hear someone moving around inside.

“Henleigh, what are you doing?”

“I need to speak to Noah and he’s ignoring me, any chance you can help a girl out?” I ask Mattias with the sweetest face I can pull off. It sucks I can tell.

“Noah, open up. She’s already missed her first class, she’ll get in more trouble if she spends all day trying to get you to open the door, instead of being where she’s supposed to be.”

He looks at me as the door opens up and Noah is standing there, looking shattered.

“Come in, you’re going to be in a lot of trouble. So will I for that matter,” he says as he opens the door wider and Mattias heads of

f to class.

“What did I do wrong?” I’m not going to beat around the bush about it, direct is sometimes the best approach.

“Straight to the point, you haven’t done anything, I was just reminded of something that I’ve tried to hide from myself,” he says, and I don’t like the sound of that. It feels so bleak and he seems like he’s given up on something. I just don’t know what it is yet, but I don’t think I’m going to like it.

“Noah bear, I’ve been the most open with you. Why can’t you do the same with me?” The thing is, I haven’t been honest with him, have I? Not completely, can I really expect it from him?

“Because you said I could break you, and honestly, Henleigh you could destroy me. And I’m not willing to let that happen. Amias and Elijah both like you and you clearly like them, so forget about me. We’re friends, that’s all it will ever be between us. I’m not going to be another option, so friends or nothing.” Wow, harsh. Not overreacting, it really was harsh, not just the way he said it but by how cold he is being with me right now.

“You were never just an option, Noah what I feel for you is more than just a fleeting fancy. You make me feel safe, screw that! You make me feel things I didn’t think were possible. I’m not saying that I’m looking for anything from you, but I guess I thought you felt the same.” I’m messing this up I know it.

“Why, because every guy has to want you. When have I ever hinted that I wanted more from you than friendship?” He asks and his voice is so cold, I don’t like this side of Noah.

“Forget it, I came here because I was worried. And clearly you haven’t been getting a lot of sleep but I’ll go, I’m still here if you need me.” I feel unwanted and like I’ve been thrown away, worst of all, it’s by Noah.

“Henleigh I’m sorry, I don’t want to be a jerk to you I’ve just got a lot going on and I’m struggling.”

“Then talk to me, don’t push me away and stop using my name as a weapon. You’re only using it because you don’t want me getting any closer. I know there are things you clearly don’t want me to know, but you can trust me.” I need him to know this. I'm not above begging, if it will show him how much I do care for him

“It’s okay, just get to class before you get into more trouble than we can handle.” He sounds so despondent and he won’t look at me.

“Noah, when you thought I was asleep you said you were mine. Well, I’m yours I just wanted you to know that.” I give him a watery smile before I leave, and I think my heart just broke a little.

Thirteen

One day left until the last week of classes. Then we’ll be back for two months, and then it’ll be the start of the summer holidays. I mean sure that’s a whole six weeks off, but I don’t even know if I’ll make it back here after that.

My dad is going to kill me when I don’t turn up like he thinks I will, but I’ve put things off for long enough. This week off however, I have no idea what I’m going to do or if any of my friends will be around.

Amias is definitely going to see his parents and I’m thrilled for him, Roxie is going with Declan and she is so giddy it’s scary. And the others are off for a theatre trip, they invited me but I didn’t get the necessary permission, so I’m stuck here.

I think Dad thought if he said no then I’d go home instead, but that backfired on him. As long as Mum is there, I can’t face it. But maybe once I get the answers I need and can prove to her that Elliott’s death isn’t my fault, then we can finally move on. She’s blamed me ever since she found out I was there when he snuck out of the window, as if I could have changed the whole thing simply by telling on him.

The day passes smoothly, even though Noah has dropped my nickname we still sit together with everyone else. The girls are really emotional about leaving me behind, but I’m keeping a smile on my face so they don’t get any stupid ideas about staying back themselves. I’m not ruining their week because I’m stranded at school.

My last class of the day is maths and then I’m going to spend some time on the track. Mattias is now my desk neighbour and we work in companionable silence, but I can feel it every time Harrison stares at me. I notice a flashing symbol on Mattias’ laptop, and he glances at the teacher before opening it.

Henleigh, Henleigh, Henleigh.

You must really enjoy your life, I had hoped my threat to reveal how you really are, would have been enough to make you leave. Clearly, I’ve misread you or better yet, underestimated how self-involved you are. I knew you valued yourself above everyone else and your ability to ignore what I have to say just proves it even more. As you read this, your fellow classmates are receiving emails of their very own. Now, this isn’t the grand reveal. No, this is simply so you can see that I am not someone who only gives idle threats. I have attached this message so you can see it for yourself, the whispers and rumours will soon kick in and I won’t have to do a single thing.

The countdown to the whole truth being uncovered for all to see has begun, enjoy the rest of your year, by the time you leave this school no one will be hoping for your return. Leave or kill yourself, either way you’ve left it too late. Everyone will know how little you value the lives of others.

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