You Were Never Honest (Never 2)

It’s gone very quiet suddenly, he doesn’t usually use names like that on me. It’s always Henleigh or Leighbear, what does it mean? Stop reading into it, more than likely it was just a slip of the tongue.

“I miss you,” it slips out without any warning but I’m not going to sit here and regret it.

“I miss you too Henleigh, more than I can say. Can we talk when we get back to school? It’s nothing bad, but you’re the only one I want to talk to about this right now.”

“Of course we can, whatever you need.”

We spend a few more minutes talking before he bows out and wishes me a good night. I’m going to finish the night with a chat with my big guy and then I have no idea what. School can’t come soon enough but at the same time, I wish it wasn’t coming around so quick. So many variables out of my control and only a few of them could lead somewhere good.

It feels like the rest of the summer has flown by and come tomorrow, I’ll be heading back into the lion's den. They still think I’m their prey, that they can bully me and break me but they couldn’t do it before and I won’t let them do it now. If I was strong enough to face them when I was alone, what a force to be reckoned with I’ll be with a whole group of allies. I just hope PastFinder doesn’t reveal what I did before I tell them myself or I may just lose them for good.

Would they shut me out or turn on me like everyone else did back home? They forced me out of my town, please don’t let that happen again. I’m enjoying finding out who I really am and I want to see where this will go. Will I be with Elijah when all is said and done, will Noah know if he will follow in his mother’s footsteps and will he stop trying to protect me from his unknown fate.

I’d go to bat for that guy, for both of them, if only he would give me a chance to show him that. But my Dad is right, all I can do is support him and be there whenever he needs me.

I just wish I knew what he wants to talk about, serious or trivial. Oh damn, please universe let me just have one more day before you throw me into the deep end. Just give me tomorrow with the people I care about and then I’ll tackle all the crap you have in store for me, head on.

Three

Home sweet home, throwing my stuff on my bed, I can’t believe it’s been six weeks already. I can’t wait to get to spend time with my friends, but it’s going to be hard with Amias. Can I really pretend that I don’t know anything, just to make him hurt.

It’s so strange being in the year thirteen mansion, plus it’s my last year here. It should go okay. I mean one more year of the Shepherds and it will all be over.

Who’s knocking at my door? I’ve only been here five minutes, may as well get it over with. Oh, crap on a cracker, it’s Amias. I just can’t catch a break.

“Hey, how was your holiday?” I sound so lame.

“Better now that it’s over, I found myself missing you more than I thought I would,” he says before pulling me into his arms.

I hate how happy being held by him makes me. I guess it doesn’t matter if my brain knows I shouldn’t trust him. My heart clearly doesn’t want to listen to the warning.

“Did you miss me?” he asks, his eyes are soft, and he has this unusual vulnerable quality to him.

“Of course I missed you, I thought about you all the time. It was strange not seeing you every day, how was Africa?”

“It was okay, I didn’t see a lot of my parents they were busy most of the time. We were supposed to have dinner together but most of the time it was just me,” he says quietly, it sounds lonely and the longer he holds me the more I sink into him. I can be angry later, I think we both need this and I can’t bring myself to pull away.

He’s pulling away and his eyes keep straying to my mouth, I can’t do this, not now. I tuck my hair behind my ear and step away whilst releasing a nervous chuckle.

“You okay little cub, you seem different,” his eyes are peering into mine, staring questioningly at me. While his fingers are sweeping down my neck and across my collarbone. Making me draw in a haggard breath.

“Just a little out of sorts I think, I had an interesting time at Elijah’s. His mum is brilliant,” I say, and I can see the dark look returning to his eyes. No one but Elijah knows where I went when school let out, and I want it to stay that way.

Oh yes, Mr. I don’t share. Maybe he won’t give me the chance to hurt him back, not if he calls it quits right now.

“I see and you’ve decided you’re ready to be with someone and you’re choosing him. Thanks for the update.” He snatches his hand from me, as though I’m burning him, and his eyes are spitting fire while his tone darkens.

“You are such a presuming a-hole, I haven’t decided anything of the sort. I just realised that maybe I won’t be able to choose if it came down to it. I don’t know if I want to open myself up to more than one guy, but at least I have the option. You know what, just go I’ll speak to you later,” I’m turning my back on him, how could he presume anything about me?

“Little cub, I’m sorry. I just thought you were going to tell me that you realised he was a better fit than me, especially for you. I’ll leave you alone, but I really did miss you Henleigh.” His eyes are the softest I’ve ever seen them, and I can see so much regret as he drags his hand across his neck and walks away, his shoulders slumping forward.

“I missed you too,” slips out once the door is closed, I really have missed him and it makes the betrayal all that more painful.

“Knock, knock,” Roxie says as she comes into my room and closes the door behind her.

“Leigh girl, what’s the matter. I know we’re back at school, but it’s no reason to cry,” she says, as she drops down onto my bed.

“I don’t know what to do, I thought going to the prison would be the hardest thing I'd ever do. And in a way it was, but I wasn’t expecting to have Amias’ name thrown my way.” I’m shaking and crying with how frustrated I feel, what else can I do but throw my hands up in the air. Before I roll over and start punching my pillows repeatedly.