Why does everyone automatically assume the worse where I’m concerned? This is getting ridiculous.
“Baby, stop thinking so hard,” he says as he releases my hands before he steps closer.
He keeps doing this until I’m pushed up against his door and he’s so close I can feel his breath blowing against my face.
“I know mum told you not to hurt me, but you’re worth all the pain,” his lips brush against mine and then his tongue is sliding against the seam of my lips.
He’s devouring me the moment I give him entry, his tongue is twisting with mine and his fingers are bruising my hips. I really want to wrap my legs around his waist, but that could give him the wrong idea and my brain is already turning to mush.
“Eli, I need to tell you something,” I say, pushing him back slightly and I hate myself so much right now.
His face shutters, he’s bracing for a hard and painful impact. Why has he given me so much power over him? I don’t want to be the reason he’s either happy or sad.
“Eli, I want to see if I’m ready to let someone in. And I hope you meant it when you said you could share cause right now, I want you and Noah. I feel something for you both and I won’t choose, not if I don’t have to.” I hope he won’t keep me waiting for a reply, because I feel like I’m burning from the inside out. The way I feel I wouldn’t even need a coat in a blizzard, the snow would surely melt on contact.
I’m in his arms and he’s spinning me around as soon as I finish speaking. We’re both laughing until we’re dizzy and falling, he hits the floor and I land on top of him. It feels right having him beneath me, but nope not going there.
I scramble back up to my feet and he’s smiling this huge smile.
“The thing is Eli, I don’t want to be the thing that makes or breaks you. It’s too much, I struggle to keep myself afloat at times,” I say and his face sobers and he actually looks fairly serious, for him anyway.
“I won’t do that to you Hen, but I won’t pretend that I’m not over the pissing moon right now. So does Noah and Amias know?” he asks, and I’m not going to lie to him.
“Noah does, I’m just not sure how it will go with Amias yet. I don’t really think this would be something he wants to be a part of, I think I’ll just see where it goes where he’s concerned.” I’m trying to be serious, but I can’t stop staring at his mouth, I’m like a moth to a flame. Sure, it will burn and leave me ruined, but the pull is too strong to deny or even fight.
We spend a few more minutes kissing, and reluctantly I have to pull away. I need to finish getting ready before breakfast and classes.
It’s refreshing being in a class where no one hates my guts, the only Shepherds who were in my advanced classes were Harrison and he’s still in a coma and Finley, he’s not even returned yet. I know I sound like I’m happy about that, which I’m not, but it still feels nice to be ignored by the masses for once.
Time seems to pass quicker than usual and it isn’t long before lunch time comes around, the entire canteen has gone deadly silent. Why is everyone looking at me? Oh no, what’s happened now?
“Why don’t we eat outside,” says Noah as he, Elijah and Amias coming rushing toward me.
“What’s happened now?” My eyes roll and I cross my arms over my chest as I take all three of them in. My life feels like some silly little drama on the tv. Just piling on the angst to keep the viewers entertained. Surely real life shouldn’t be like this?
“Someone took pictures of you leaving Elijah’s room this morning, it’s all around the school and it won’t be long before a teacher sees it. You were looking dishevelled and your cheeks were flushed, maybe you should be more careful next time hey,” says Amias and my oh my, he is so pissed off by this.
“It’s just a photo who cares?” I really can’t see the big deal about all of this.
“Guess you made your choice, hey Henleigh,” the condescension is dripping from his tongue like poison. The sanctimonious arse.
“Yeah she did, she decided not to choose. So, get on board or leave, I won’t have you upsetting her.” says Noah, as he wraps his arm around me.
“You really are aiming to have every guy aren’t you, you dirty little slut. I’d keep clear if I were you, can’t be sure what she may give you,” says Octavia as she walks over to us and whips her hair over her shoulder, if looks could kill I’d die a thousand deaths right here and now.
“Honey, you’re the one that opens your legs for every guy who even glances your way, so move along. Henleigh isn’t doing anything wrong,” Amias says, and it is surprising that he’s sticking up for me.
“What is it with this girl, does she give the best blow jobs or something, because from where I’m standing, she’s like all the other cheap druggies out there,” she chooses that moment to walk away and her words won’t stop circling around in my mind.
“Ignore her, we know you’re not like that and you’re definitely not a druggie,” Noah is trying to be sweet but his words are not reassuring me.
Oh no, is this a sign of how they will react, if they can’t imagine me ever doing something like that. Is it because of me or because they have a deep aversion to it?
My head is pounding, what is going on? Oh no, please don’t tell me I’m getting a migraine. There is no way I can face my classes like this, I can’t even move. The light isn’t even on, so why does it feel so bright in here. I need to stop groaning, it sounds like screaming to my ears and I swear to all that is out there. Whoever is knocking on my door needs to fuck off right now.
“Henleigh are you in there?”
I have no idea what I have grabbed from my bedside table, but it makes too much noise as it crashes into the wall. I can hear the doorknob moving and I just want everyone to go away and leave me to my misery, I do not cope well with being unwell. I can look after people perfectly, but when it comes to me, I am a total bitch.