“I do, you’re amazing Noah bear no wonder I love you,” oh shit.
No, no, no!!! I did not just say that, please say I didn’t just say that.
“Henleigh, I kind of need you to look at me right now,” he says as I bury my head under a pillow.
“Seriously Henleigh, look at me please,” his pleading tone tells me how much he needs to see me without a barrier in the way, and I’m realising I will do just about anything to make him happy.
Okay, here goes nothing. I’m looking up at him and I can’t read his expression, I know I’ve messed everything up.
“Okay, I need some clarification here. You love me like a friend or something more and if so, for how long?”
He’s so composed and unaffected, how good an actor is this guy? Or does he not care, I never expected him to have fallen for me but my heart is hurting more than my hip ever did.
“I’ve known for a while, before this whole group thing started, probably before the school broke up for summer. I didn’t want to admit it because it scared the crap out of me and then I ran from it because I didn’t think it would be fair to Elijah and I guess Amias. As for the first part,” I’m exhaling, in for a penny, in for a pound and all that crap. “I’m in love with you, I don’t expect you to say it back or even feel that deeply for me, but to be this calm and collected is just… well it’s cruel.”
Jumping out of the bed, I can’t help but shriek, I forgot I was naked.
“Henleigh get back here now.”
I’ve frozen, his tone is sharp and rough like a jagged knife. Now I know I’ve never heard that tone from him before. I’m shuffling back over, I can’t look at him right now. I knew he could break my heart, I just wasn’t expecting it.
He’s up on his knees and he won’t let me avoid his gaze, capturing my face in both his hands and raising my head until I have no choice but to meet his gaze.
“Henleigh you’re usually freakishly spot on with reading people, but if you think I’m composed, then you’re dead wrong. Damn it Leighbear I’m so in love with you it terrifies me, I just didn’t want to tell you. Not until I knew.” He’s losing his ability to hold back, as his tone turns frantic screaming at me to understand what he is trying to tell me without needing to say the words.
Oh, he wanted to have the test done first.
“I’m sorry I ruined your plan,” man I sound so pathetic right now.
“You haven’t ruined anything, you just sped up the process. I love you my Leighbear and I can’t imagine a world where that won’t always be the case. I’m yours and I know we’re only eighteen and we’re too young to know better, but I don’t care about any of that crap. I mean it.” My heart stutter stops, over and over again. I couldn’t feel any fuller than I do right now and I can’t recall a time when I have ever felt this way before.
Oh boy, throwing my arms around him and kissing him senseless is the best reply I could think of. And man oh man, best kiss ever!
Seven
Best night of my life, meet worse morning.
Amias looks like I kicked him repeatedly in the face, how is it my fault he knocked on Noah’s door this morning and found me semi naked in his bed. Besides, I haven’t done anything wrong, I can spend the night with whoever I damn well please. No one got annoyed when he crept into my room most nights after what happened to Harrison.
“Chill out man, these kinds of things will happen. What did you expect from a polyamory relationship, that it would all be hidden. We’d never see anything? Grow up,” the eloquent words of Elijah and the voice of reason. Damn, that’s scary.
“So, you’re okay with this, knowing that she fucked him.” He says it like it's a horrifying notion, he was never going to be my first. Whether he likes it or not.
“Wow. Excuse me, where do you get off? You know what, piss off and come back when you’re going to act like a decent human being,” I say before I exit into Noah’s bathroom. Damn I don’t know how much longer I can do this, I think I have to call it quits with him it’s just too damn much.
“Well done, and not that it’s any of your business but nothing happened last night. Now get off your high horse and get out of my room.” Noah is glacial in his treatment of Amias, and I love him for it.
The door slamming sounds so final, I really don’t want to come between these guys.
“Did you hear, Harrison is coming back to school. The head wants to refuse on the grounds he’s missed too much, but his parents won’t hear of it.” Elijah is a fountain of gossip, how does he find out all of this stuff so quickly?
“Is he okay? Maybe she’s right, he might not be able to handle it. Does anyone even know how it will work?” says Noah, agreeing with Hutchy, which is surprising to hear. I can’t believe he’s coming back.
“I don’t know, apparently he’s got a few problems now but no one is saying what those are. Mattias has been asked to tutor him and try to catch him up, all Hutchy cares about is that the school statistics don’t drop. But Mattias can’t he’s got enough on his plate, I’m surprised they haven’t asked you.” Noah tutors, he is wicked smart, I just didn’t know. How much more do I have to discover? I hate these constant reminders of how little I truly know about them.
“She tried, I didn’t realise what it was in aid of but I said no, I’ve go
t enough drama and stress without adding tutoring to my plate. I feel sorry for whoever agrees to it, he hates being helped,” says Noah and I can’t help but wonder who the unlucky sod will be.