You Were Never Honest (Never 2)

“I am suffering H, no moments of happiness will ever change that. I’m just trying to live, to survive and when I do get the chance to be happy, I cling to it and try to make it last for as long as I can. You want me to suffer, you never have to do anything to make it happen. Because my suffering can never end.”

“Why were you crying?” he asks and I don’t see why he should get an answer.

“You don’t care why I cried so don’t ask, let’s just study the wars for another half an hour and then I’m getting lunch.” I’m digging my head into the book, but I am not paying any attention to it. My mind is on shut down right now, I just can’t take any more in.

We finish and nothing but relief is coursing through me and all I’m doing is retrieving my lunch and claiming my usual table. I can’t say I don’t feel shock as Benjy parks Harrison at the end next to me and then takes a seat for himself. I guess I won’t get a relaxing lunch to myself, but Benjy is a sweet guy and Harrison is relatively well behaved when he’s around so it’s not entirely unpleasant. Those clouds and their silver linings.

Day three and it’s raining cats and dogs outside, if it carries on, I won’t even need to be inside to go swimming!

I’m just swimming laps, changing my method with each lap, breaststroke, doggy paddle, backwards, forwards whichever one takes my fancy.

“Hey, there’s my new favourite person,” calls Benjy as he wheels Harrison poolside.

“When did I become your favourite?” I ask, trying not to smile, he really is a great guy.

“When you offered to help me convince Harry here to get in the pool.” Batting eyelashes doesn’t really work for guys, especially fully grown men but he’s impossible to refuse and not smile at. I keep trying to remain stoic around him, but he just continues to take a sledgehammer to my crumbling walls.

“Fuck off,” Harrison says, slapping his palms against the wheels.

“I didn’t offer anything of the sort, Benjy, Benjy, Benjy. You’re making me rethink our friendship,” I say with a wink and he laughs wholeheartedly.

“He’s eager to get back on his feet, but he needs to build strength up and he’s refusing to cooperate today.” His eyes are burning into the top of Harrison’s head, not that it has any effect on the stubborn, ungrateful git.

“What’s the matter H, your ego feeling a little bruised?” I ask, I’m really not heartless but riling him up might actuall

y help here.

“I told you not to call me that, no nicknames,” he screams.

I’m getting used to his outbursts now, he’s always been cruel and screaming is just another part of that. Benjy keeps trying to tell me he doesn’t mean it, but he’s wrong. Harrison does mean to be vicious where I’m concerned, it’s just not bothering me at the moment.

“Why don’t you come in here and make me? Come on mardy arse, the sooner you get out of that chair, the sooner my lovely friend over there can get back to his gorgeous kids.” A death glare for Harrison, check. Nothing but smiles for Benjy, yet another check. My task is complete, come on Harrison, get mad or even better, think of Benjy and the fact he can only see his kids through a live video on his phone.

“As if I care about that,” he mumbles, but he still agrees to get in so maybe he does care a little.

Benjy brings him back in his trunks but Harrison nearly loses it when he offers to get the hoist, “I don’t need a damn hoist, I can still use my legs.”

“Oi,” I say, climbing out of the pool and walking over to his chair. I place my hands on both of his arm rests and lean over until we’re practically nose to nose.

“Listen to me, you can scream and shout at me until your heart's content, but you show Benjy some respect. He wants you walking as much as you do, so do as you’re told and listen to the god damn expert.”

I don’t move a muscle, staring right at him. He can scream right in my face for all I care, he needs the help and I'm not going to falter under his anger. Why do I even care?

“Fine,” he breathes out through his clenched teeth, “I don’t want the hoist though,” he says and I can see how much he’s struggling with having to depend on someone else.

“I can’t get you in there without it, health and safety would have a field day over that one,” Benjy says with a sympathetic look on his face.

“I’ll help, we just don’t tell the big guys and we’ll be fine,” I reply and although Benjy tries to talk me out of it my mind will not be changed.

Benjy gets him out of the chair and wraps his arm around Harrison’s back and I take up the other side.

“Come on H, get walking,” I say, and although he’s glaring at me he does start to shuffle forward.

He is heavy, but I can handle it, I think. We get him to the poolside and sit him down so his legs are dangling over the pool edge.

“I’ll leave you guys to it, and you better let Benjy use the hoist to get you out or you’ll be spending the rest of the week in there like a shrivelled-up prune.”

“Don’t go, he listens to you,” Benjy says while fluttering his lashes at me, such a numpty.