You Were Never Honest (Never 2)

Both our phones start going off, but we silence them and turn them face down. No distractions, not for this.

I tell him about what led up to it first, with my mother and what she said to me. My voice cracks slightly but somehow, I manage to stay strong.

“There was this group that I’d avoided because we always moved so I didn’t bother to make friends, but I’d had enough. Why shouldn’t I go out and do reckless shit, my mum didn’t care what happened to me so why should I? We got higher than a kite, blowing through the weed and taking ecstasy was a big mistake and then Tom suggested going for a…”

Someone is hammering at my door, no they can wait. I need to get through this.

“He wanted to go for a drive and I didn’t think twice about agreeing, he was swerving all over the place and then he suddenly had the great idea to let me drive. I was fourteen, and I’d never driven a car before, but I had no fear or common sense in that moment. I got behind that wheel and I floored it, we had music blaring and I was going too fast. That’s when I hit her.”

The tears are falling freely again and I can’t look at him, he isn’t even saying anything and my door comes crashing open.

“Roxie what the hell?” I shout trying to rid myself of the tears but she doesn’t care.

“Girl, it’s all gone live, the whole school knows what you did.”

I can’t breathe, I’m sitting on the toilet seat with my head between my legs, but it isn’t helping. I’ve already vomited everything I ate today. It’s not fair, I wanted them to hear it from me and now everyone knows.

I can hear them talking on the other side of the door, but no one has tried to come in. I guess they are trying to figure out the best way of letting me know they’re through with me, apart from Roxie she already knew.

“I don’t care, let me in there,” Amias says, when did he get here?

“She’s freaking out thinking you’re all going to disappear now that you know, give her a few minutes,” that’s definitely Roxie.

“I don’t know what happened, she wanted to tell me so I’m going to let her finish telling me herself,” oh my sweet Noah.

“Leighbear please let me in,” his voice is so gentle, and it soothes my soul, I can never refuse him, so I open the door and he’s soon crouching in front of my knees.

“Will you tell me what happened and then I’ll tell you how I feel about it,” he says, and his face is giving nothing away, but he’s still here.

“I... hit her. She hit the windscreen and bounced off like a rag doll. I saw her hit the ground and everyone was screaming at me to drive. I wanted to stop but I was scared so I did what they said and I left her. She was broken, and I left her there to die.” My words are jumbling together, and I can feel the bile rising back up my throat, I feel so disgusted with myself.

“Who found her?” he asks, the poster boy for calm.

“I don’t know, but it wasn’t long after we left, I turned myself in the next day,” I whisper out, my throat is sore and stretched. I can’t manage much more than that right now.

“I never expected your story to be that and I’ll admit it’s a horrible thing for you to do, not just

hitting her but driving away. The thing is, you regret it and you turned yourself in, those are not the actions of a bad person. You’re still my Leighbear and I still love you.”

His words just make my tears worse I feel battered and bruised and I want it to stop and it does in a way as he cocoons me within his arms and carries me out of the bathroom.

They are all here and none of them have turned away from me, instead they’re worrying and hoping that I’ll be okay. Even Amias.

I fall asleep in Noah’s arms but as I wake up, I realise my bed has gained a few bodies in the shapes of Elijah and Amias. Roxie is lounging on my sofa with her head in Declan’s lap, the epitome of relaxed.

“Hey baby girl, how are you feeling?” she asks, her tone soft, so she doesn’t wake anyone.

“A little worse for wear but I’ll be okay, what happened?” I ask the only thing that’s in my mind, it still feels scrambled.

“The countdown just disappeared, and it was released, it didn’t just do that though. It revealed who PastFinder was, Harrison is in trouble with the guys. I had to stop Elijah and Amias from going after him,” her words fill me with a sick sense of dread, I didn’t want them to know. It was my place to either forgive or hate and I chose to forgive him.

“Do you think you can bring him here?” I ask and she hesitates before agreeing, I really hope I’m not making a huge mistake.

The guys are starting to wake up and Declan keeps staring at the door, he’s on edge and I’m right there with him. This could end badly if Roxie convinces Harrison to come here, the easiest option would be to make the guys leave but they need to hear this.

“Okay girl, we’re here. Is he going to be okay coming in?” calls Roxie from the other side of the door and the guys are looking at me with confused and wary expressions.

I’m fiddling with my necklaces as I start biting on my nails, this is going to end in a ball of fire, I can just feel it.