Eternal

checked to make sure that I had, in fact, locked my door, I just couldn’t be doing with her drama anymore today. I was itching to do something when my phone went off, indicating that Addy had finally replied, after nearly four hours mind you.

I’m sorry girl, I was just pissed that you ditched me,

without even a text. Again. Come to mine?

I knew that my aunt wouldn’t let me leave now, but that never stopped me in the past, so I threw on my jacket, typed a quick reply to let her know that I was on my way and climbed out the window. Luckily for me, there was a tree right by it, and I’ve been using that as my means of escape since I was fifteen.

I decided to walk to Addy’s instead of driving, seeing as Jackie would be immediately alerted to the fact that I’d just snuck out. I doubted she would come and see me tonight, she preferred to pounce when I least expected it, usually when I was headed for the door.

It was about a twenty minute walk to her house and I was making good time when a rather familiar bike drove past. I shook it off, telling myself that I was just jumping to conclusions yet again. Besides even if it had been him, it was more than likely just a coincidence. I was repeating that over and over in my mind when the bike came back down the road and slinked across at the same speed that I was walking. I glanced out of my peripheral and knew that it was, in fact, the same guy. I wanted to say something but refused to acknowledge him.

I increased my speed slightly and immediately realised the futility of the gesture, seeing as the fact that I was using my legs and he was sitting on top of an engine.

“Not even a hello, I’m crushed love,” he stated lifting his visor all the way.

“Look, I get that I probably made a fool of myself earlier, but you must admit that it seems rather conspicuous, you turning up like this all of a sudden and now you’re following me.”

“Hey I was riding home when I spotted you, I was going to ignore you, but my curiosity got the better of me. I mean a pretty little thing like you walking out alone in the evening, there must be a reason for it.”

I stopped walking after he said that and whirled on him, making sure that I looked pissed off, as it seemed the appropriate emotion for this situation.

“You have no right to be curious about me, you don’t even know me and I do not want you too.”

He chuckled and I really wanted to ground my fist into his face, I was even contemplating the right angle so that I wouldn’t catch his helmet.

“You sound like you’re angry, but I don’t think you really are like you said I don’t know you, so there is no need to pretend with me.” He stepped off of his bike and slowly removed his helmet, before balancing it off of one of the bars.

“I know you’re indifferent to me no matter what you pretend, you can fake that attitude as much as you like, but your eyes don’t lie and not once did they show a hint of anger.”

I had no idea what to say to that, so I did what I wanted to do earlier and connected my fist with his jaw. I saw his face whip sideways and for a minute wondered if I had inadvertently caused whiplash when he started to laugh. And I mean one of those, clutches your stomach whilst you double over, kind of laughs.

“What the hell is so funny?” I demanded, as I unconsciously stepped a little closer to him and it was at that point that he seized hold of my wrist and spun me around so that my back was crashing into his torso.

“You have a mean left hook, now there isn’t a single person that would get away with something like that. But looking at the bruises that are already covering your face, I think I will let you off just this once.”

He wasn’t lying about my face, it definitely looked a lot worse than it had this morning, my right eye was practically swollen shut and my lip was throbbing. I was just glad that it did not affect me like it should have.

“You want to teach me a lesson, well go right ahead, it really wouldn’t bother me. I got this for not dressing the way somebody liked and of course for speaking my mind, aka the truth. So at least you would have a better reason for it,” I retorted.

I think I must have surprised him, as he released his hold on me and took a couple steps back, I turned to face him and caught that he was ever so slightly shaking his head.

He grabbed hold of his helmet and was about to turn away, before setting his gaze back on me.

“Whoever did that deserves to be taught a lesson, if you ever want a hand with that, be sure to let me know. I’ll be around love, I have no plans of remaining a stranger to you, oh and by the way. The name is Lawson.”

I turned away from him after that and resumed my brisk walk, but all that was going through my head was the fact that he could tell that I was faking my emotions. Some guy that I had only ever spoken to twice, yet my boyfriend was still none the wiser. Something was definitely off and it made me wonder exactly what I should do about Darren.

I eventually arrived at Addy’s and we spent the rest of the night just talking about mindless drivel, watching whatever film was being played at the time and trying to avoid the topic of me dropping college in my second year. She finally managed to broach the subject and I knew that I couldn’t hold it off any longer, not if I wanted to continue our friendship. The only problem was that I knew I would have to talk about some things from my past so that she could understand my reasoning.

“My mum was never the nurturing type; she always gave off the impression that she resented me for some reason. A lot like Jackie really, I guess being neurotic just runs in the family. Anyway, from an early age she had me enrolled in all these different clubs so that she wouldn’t have to deal with me for any longer than was required of her. It was because of this that we discovered that I had a real aptitude for music, I was natural when it came to playing the violin or piano. She sent me off to one recital after another and put in for all these different kinds of competitions. Her favourite of course were the ones with cash prizes, in the beginning, she seemed so proud of me and I tried everything to make sure that it stayed that way, Until one day I made a little mistake and came second place instead of first, it was then that I realised that she was only happy as long as there was something to gain.

That was the first day that she raised a hand to me, it brought tears straight to my eyes but what hurt the most was the fact that she called me a disappointment. I stopped enjoying it after that, but she made me keep going. I had to start attending singing lessons and ballet classes, as well as the recitals and other lessons on top of course.

I wasn’t allowed to go to birthday parties or sleep overs, basically, I wasn’t allowed to have a childhood, the minute I turned thirteen I had had enough.”

Addy looked horror struck by what I was saying, she had even started to pace the floor. Was I suppose to pat her on the back and reassure her that everything would be ok? I didn’t, I refused to lie to her and offer any false hope that this story could get better.

It did make me think back to the first moment I successfully played the violin, it played the story that I couldn’t tell anyone else. Haunting and soulful, it revealed all the pain that I tried to hide inside. I never felt like I was good enough where my mother was concerned and until the dark day struck, those feelings haunted me.