You'll Never Lose Me (Never 4)

“I haven’t moved on from you Hen and I’ll have you know, I am well aware of what love feels like, are you?” Clearly I’ve got to him, but I don’t think I said anything that entitles him to react like that.

“Yeah I do, I’ve got it with two amazing guys right now. How could I ever doubt it,” a low blow maybe, but he’s always had a knack of pissing me off and he’s on fire today.

“I’m glad you’re happy, you deserve it. I just wish it could have been with me as well,” his eyes are glistening and I can see him deflate as his anger dissipates.

“So do I Eli, so do I,” I couldn’t say it any softer and still be heard, our eyes are locked and his hand is pulled into a fist on the table.

“It was Leah that you heard that day,” if his words are supposed to make me feel better, it hasn’t worked.

“That’s fantastic, it must be great cosying up to a bitch,” man do I sound bitter or what!? Grow up Henleigh and act your bloody age.

“She’s going to the same University as me, we share a couple of classes and she wanted to catch up on some work she missed. Not that it matters, but I told her I won’t be helping her, not after what she did to you. I haven’t moved on from you, but I haven’t been celibate since I last saw you either,” his eyes are sparking, I know he’s baiting me to see what I will say or how I’ll respond, but truthfully. I don’t even know.

“That’s great Elijah, I’m thrilled to hear you’ve been getting your leg over. Feel free to not text me about your next conquest,” I say as I stand up and walk out of the cafe, throwing money on the counter as I go.

It’s rude and I hate myself for doing it, but I need to get away, fucking closure can go do one for all I care.

“Henleigh, wait,” he shouts, as he follows me out of the cafe and tries to match my stride. We both know I can outrun him in a nanosecond, but I’m not there... yet.

“I don’t know why you wanted to s

ee me, but we are done here. Go back to Cambridge and enjoy your life,” I won’t stop to look at him as I pick up my pace and keep my back straight and head held high.

He grabs hold of my elbow, stopping me abruptly and making me turn until I’m crashing into him. I pull back as quickly as I can until we’re nose to nose and he’s bending at the knees so he isn’t looking down at me.

“I don’t want to lose you, even though I know I already have. I just needed to say that I regret screwing that girl and I hate myself for not even remembering her name. I was in pain, angry and bitter. As well as feeling jealous as fuck. I only told you about it to hurt you and to see if you would care, I’m sorry,” he sounds sincere and he isn’t even blinking as we stare with an intensity strong enough to burn.

“Look, I don’t need or want pettiness and games, things are so screwed up and I don’t need anymore drama. I just want things to be quiet and simple now,” my shoulders are sagging and I feel so worn out.

“Okay, I really am sorry though Hen. Before I go though, would you like to know what happened to Jason?” Fuck, talk about playing dirty, I’ve been wondering that ever since Elisa mentioned his name. The guy who made her believe a poly-amorous relationship could work. If this is the last time I see him, then this could be the only chance I get of finding out.

“Yes please,” I say as I tuck a strand of hair behind my ear and his fingers are soon replacing mine when a strand slips free.

Electricity shoots through me as we connect and I can hardly breathe due to the weight of the feelings he’s stirring up within me. He pulls away and offers me his hand, I don’t know if I should take it, but my body reacts before my mind kicks in and I find my hand slipping within his.

We end up in a little park and sit down upon one of the benches. It isn’t too crowded at this time and it feels rather peaceful as well. Elijah is staring off into the distance, while refusing to release my hand from his own. I should try to pull away but I’m weak and I can’t bring myself to do it.

“Jason wasn’t my mum’s first love but he is the reason she decided to try a poly romance, she really did love him and she’d still be with him today if the choice had been up to her,” he’s still staring out at nothing, but there’s a tightness surrounding his eyes that wasn’t there before. “When mum fell pregnant with me she didn’t know who the father was and none of them cared, but they decided to get the paternity test done in case there were any medical issues in the future. When Devlin was announced, she thought everything would stay the same. She was wrong,” he pulls his wallet out and removes a photo before passing it over to me.

“That’s Jason, the man who said poly amorous was okay and helped them to see the truth in his words, the one who decided that my mother was no longer good enough because he wasn’t my father,” the anger and hatred pouring from him is shocking, I’m not sure how to handle this.

“That’s why he’s gone, because he wasn’t your father. He walked away?” I’m missing something aren’t I?

“Do you remember when mum said she couldn’t judge you for going to prison because one of my dad’s has been,” I nod to indicate I do in fact remember and he continues. “Benjamin went to prison for beating Jason into a bloody pulp and leaving him for dead.”

There is no inflection in his voice, he says it so simply with no sign of having any effect on himself with his own words. Benjamin nearly beat someone to death, that feels so… wrong. He was quiet, sure, but he didn’t come across as the violent type.

“I didn’t believe it at first either, I remember him not being around when I was really young, but he’s never missed a day since. Violence seems too out of character for him, but there’s a reason why they say ‘it’s always the quiet ones.’ If he hadn’t done it, then Dmitri or Devlin would have and that would be even more shocking if you think about it,” he’s right, out of all of them I would have said Benjamin was more likely purely out of default. The one thing I am confused by though is why he sounds so proud, what did Jason do to deserve just a beating? Surely leaving Elisa wasn't enough cause to do something like that.

“Why did he do it?” I don’t know what kind of response I’m expecting but I can imagine that Benjamin couldn’t have been in the wrong not with the way everyone was with him.

“Because Jason tried to kill me and my mum in the process,” his words have made my blood run cold, he can’t be serious. Why would he do that? I was under the impression that he loved her.

“Okay, I clearly need more information because your words aren’t making a lick of sense,” I’m wrapping my arms around my shoulders, feeling cold all of a sudden, even with the sun kissing my skin.

“Jason was fine with a poly love in theory, he believed it was normal after seeing how happy it had made his father. The only thing was, I don’t think he realised how hard it could be when it was one woman and multiple men instead of the harem belonging to a man. His dad had no doubt who the father to Jason would be, he fathered six different children with three of his wives,” he’s pausing and I’m sitting here on tenterhooks, I don’t want to rush him but the anticipation is killing me. “It was strange, he could handle mum kissing her other lovers and doing the parts that no child wants to admit their parents do. But when he wasn’t found to be my father he snapped, it wasn’t a sudden change in the least but he was a ticking time bomb just waiting to go off,” he’s gotten to his feet and he’s pacing, this story isn’t doing much to instil faith on this multiple boyfriend thing I have going on.

“Most of this is speculation, I wasn’t there to draw my own conclusions and I only have what I’ve been told to go on. However, as far as I know none of my parents have ever lied to me and I’m not going to start doubting that fact now,” he’s struggling to get through this, maybe I should let him off and just forget he ever said anything about this estranged guy.