You'll Never Lose Me (Never 4)

You’re in prime position, do not fail.

I mean, there’s nothing to say it was about me. The problem is, I can’t ignore the twisting in my gut or the dread that is filling me. The easy thing to do, would be to call Devon and ask him to look into it. It’s not that simple though, what if I’m wrong and jumping to conclusions? I have no idea what he will stop at to keep me safe and I won’t bring him down upon my friends.

I’ll just keep an eye on them and see how it goes, none of them are acting any different or suspiciously. Maybe I should try and give them a chance and stop expecting everyone to betray me.

Speak of the devil.

“Hey Devy,” I say as I slide out of bed and slip into H’s bathroom.

“Little sister, you never called,” I can hear the annoyance as clear as day in his gruff voice, but I know it comes from a place of love. “I’m doing as you asked and leaving you be, but you have to keep up your end of the bargain too or I will go out of my mind. And we both know you don't want me turning up on your doorstep,” with Devon I have to take him at his word. If he says he’ll do something, then he will.

I already knew the truth in that statement but El’s journal is only proving it more, I have to choose my words carefully and not give him more incentive to turn up unannounced.

“I’m sorry Devy, I could feed you half truths and say I’ve been wrapped up in my studies and finding a way to repair my relationships with Noah and Harrison,” does he have to growl every time I say their names? “I won’t do that though, honestly I didn’t ring because I didn’t want to talk to you,” the last part comes out in a rush and I hate myself for saying it. Yes it's true, but I bloody love the great big oaf, even if we no longer know each other.

“You cut me little Hen, but I appreciate the honesty. I’ll leave you be for now, but this is the only time I will let you get away with not checking in,” his deep, gruff voice washes over me. I can hear the pain, even though he’s trying to keep it from me.

“Devy wait,” I can hear his loud sigh and he hasn’t disconnected the call so, I guess that means he’s waiting for me to say whatever it was that made me stop him from hanging up on me. “I still want you in my life, we lost so many people that we loved that day. Let’s not lose each other as well, we just need to figure out how to be a part of one another’s life again,” I say it softly, the weight of my words holding me under, threatening to drown me in my insecurities. Please say something.

“Promise?” that’s all he says, and that’s all he needs to. I know what he’s asking with that one word, for me to say that I won’t turn my back on him. I won’t run away and leave his life for good, that I’ll accept him for who he is without the fear. Just like I used to when I was a little girl.

“I promise big brother, now you promise me the same,” my voice is filled with a resolve made of steel, I need him just as much as he needs me but I’m prepared to let him go.

“I promise little Hen, but I’m still going to keep you safe. I don’t think we’re out of the woods just yet,” this is the most unsure I have ever heard him and it’s causing fear to climb up my spine and wrap its icy tendrils around my heart.

“Why do you say that?” I ask, my voice shaking and my body trembling so much I don’t know how I haven’t dropped my phone yet.

“Dante escaped.”

Two simple words is all it takes to knock me off kilter, someone is screaming but I’m so disconnected that I can’t ev

en tell that it’s coming from me. It’s not even a nonsensical sound, it’s the same word over and over again, “no.”

SEVEN

IT’S BEEN two weeks since Devon dropped that huge, fuck of a bombshell on my shoulders. Noah took it upon himself to talk to Devon, once Harrison had scooped me up and deposited me back into his bed. Only this time his hugs couldn’t chase the fear back into its personal corner within my mind, I don’t think anything can. Even now, with the girls leaving under protest and Harrison taking yet more time off from work and college—how hasn’t he been fired yet is beyond me—nothing is working to make me feel better.

“I think you should go,” Noah’s words are so out of the blue, that I can’t figure out what he could mean, even Harrison is looking at him as though he’s grown another head or explained the existence of everything.

“Come again buddy,” Harrison says, setting breakfast down in front of me, even though we both know I’m going to push it around my plate for a few minutes before it finds its way in the bin.

“I think you should go away with the girls, get away from this place and all the stress and have some fun. However, I don’t think we should come with you,” shut the front door, is this some weird arse attempt at dumping me?

“You tosser, that’s how you dump a girl,” I say, just short of screeching it out at him.

His face is a mosaic of varying emotions, in a relative quick succession he goes from, confused, to dumbfounded, to utter blind panic where he grabs my hands and pulls me out of my chair and into his waiting embrace.

“That was not what I meant,” his tone is high and panic stricken as he holds onto me tightly. “I only meant that you need time with the girls without us hovering, but we’ll only be a phone call away and we’ll be with you in no time at all should you choose to make that call. You can’t get rid of me,” Harrison smacks him across the back of his head, making me smirk. “Ow, fine you can’t get rid of ‘us,’ haven’t we made that clear to you yet?”

There isn’t really anything I can say in response, so I kiss him and don’t come back up for air until we’re both gasping.

“I don’t like the idea of her going off on her own, not with Dante out there somewhere,” H says and I guess my face must be paling or something because I’ve never seen Noah stare at someone with such murderous intent before.

“She won’t be alone, she’ll have the girls with her and they care almost as much as we do. Besides, she won’t be alone, not technically,” Noah looks positively guilty and I think we’re about to find out what was said between him and Devon.

I slip out of his hold and stumble my way into the living room, with Harrison close on my heels. Noah doesn’t try to sit beside me on the sofa, instead he’s perching himself on the coffee table in front of us both and he’s staring at his hands as though the answers to the universe are written upon them.

“Devon is placing someone down here to keep an eye on you, someone with the skills to keep you safe,” he still can’t look at us and that’s probably the best decision he’s made today.