You'll Never Lose Me (Never 4)

“Room,” I gasp out on a moan but for some reason he’s shaking his head and I can’t fathom why.

“Too far,” he groans out, before we fall back onto the bench swing, with me straddling his lap.

I can’t bring myself to care if anyone is watching as he slides the straps of my top down and closes his mouth over my nipple through the lace of my bra. I lift my hips up and he slides my leggings down over my body and I free one leg whilst unzipping his jeans and pulling him free. I can feel his heat as he grows impossibly hard in my grip, I pump him a few times, stroking my thumb across his tip before holding him against me.

He growls as I line him up with my entrance, but instead of sliding down onto him, I rub him across my clit over and over again.

“Don’t tease” he begs as he kisses up the column of my neck, along my cheek and then capturing me once more in a bruising kiss, that will no doubt leave me with red, swollen lips.

“Okay,” I breathe out, before lowering myself over him, feeling myself stretch and the burn within my stomach lessening with every inch of him.

I can’t hold still as I grind myself against him, I want to go slow, but I can’t stop myself from getting faster and faster. His hands go to my hips and he’s helping me to keep up the pace as I feel him swell and my walls tighten over him. Our movements are frantic as he starts pistoning his hips, hitting me deep as our kisses grow messy but we don't break away. Not until the warm pool in my stomach turns into an inferno and I explode all around him and it doesn’t take long for him to join me in the pleasure, he helped me to find.

18TH MAY 2009

I can’t let him go, but the reasons for needing to do so have changed now. I thought I needed to protect him from me and my messed up life but his is no better. He’s a fucking Shaw, if I knew who his dad was I never would have let him get this far. It’s so messed up, why did I have to fall for him? Because that’s what I’ve done, gone and fallen for the fucking goddamn enemy.

If Devon finds out he’ll kill me, actually his father will. What if I become the enemy, what will happen to Henleigh then? I don’t want to let him go but it isn’t just about me, I know Devon won’t let anything happen to her but I don’t know if I can trust everyone in the Black Hearts. I want to, but I know what they’ve done and what they’ll do if they think their club is under threat.

He keeps ringing me, wanting to understand why I’ve suddenly started to ignore him but I can’t answer. If I do, I’ll never let him go. I want to be weak, but weakness is not a trait I can afford. It’s getting more and more dangerous at home and I can’t throw it all away now, what if it costs us our freedom? Mum is bringing more and more people to our house and Dad is letting more scumbags walk free. The things he’s been doing are so fucked up and he’s supposed to be one of the good guys, is this what he envisioned when he decided to become a solicitor? To be the Shaw’s whipping boy, he sickens me, they both do. Neither of them deserve a happy ending, to get away with it Scot free and they won’t. The day we leave, their whole world will implode. They’ll finally get what they deserve, they all will.

As for me, well what can I say. I’m ready to take that next step, the one Devon wants me to hold off on. I won’t take a life, I can’t do it but I’m ready for some gun practice. I’m ready to do what I need to, it's time we got the hell out of London and I’ll help the BHMC to rid themselves off as many enemies before we do. I’ll give them a reason to give me what I need to survive, a fifteen year old alone with his six year old sister. I won’t let her spend another birthday around their toxicity.

NINE

“WHAT HAPPENED TO YOU ELLIOTT? You didn’t die until after my seventh birthday, so what changed your conviction. Although I think I can see where this is going, guess I should ask you, who?”

“Who are you talking to?” Sawyer asks looking more worried than necessary, although he probably thinks I’ve gone completely doo lally.

“Just my brother,” yeah the way his eyes are opening wider and he’s stepping back a little, he thinks I’m nutty. “I miss him okay, I know he can’t answer me back but sometimes it helps,” I say and I can’t help the laugh that bursts free, I shouldn’t enjoy worrying people so much but I can’t help it.

“I get it, sometimes I talk to my ex and she isn’t even dead,” he’s stroking the back of his neck as I give him the most gone out look I can muster.

“I don’t even know how to react to that,” I say honestly, this is going in a whole new direction.

“She was this amazing person, sweet, kind and would do anything for anyone and she made me want to be the same way. It didn’t work out however and I found myself... it doesn’t matter we split up, I did some shit and then I met Devon. The rest, as they say, is history,” he’s going for nonchalance but he isn’t all that convincing right now.

“So you joined him because you got dumped,” I guess tact isn’t one of my traits but his look of shock soon morphs into laughter.

“It’s not as straightforward as that, when we were together it was immense but in the end we stopped being good for each other. We broke each other, but instead of building one another back up, I walked away,” he’s looking at the floor with such an intense look of pain, matched by the longing in his voice, that I want to offer him comfort but I won’t. “Devon saved me, in more ways than one. I owe him everything I have and am today, but that’s all I have to say on the matter.”

“He was in prison, how could he save you?” I ask but his eyes turn dark and the pieces suddenly click into place. They met in prison.

IT’S BEEN a month since I saw Elijah and he’s back, I mean he never really left. He hasn’t stopped texting, even though my replies are rather abrupt and don’t leave a lot of room for a reply, it hasn’t stopped him. It’s only proved further by the fact he has come back to Cornwall to see me, I could turn him away but I don’t think I will. Not yet.

Big guy: Can I see you, please Hen.

Me: Okay, I’ll see you at the park.

Big guy: see you soon.

“Sawyer, I’m going out,” I call down the stairs, Noah and Harrison are at college but I don’t have class until tomorrow, so I have time.

“Sure thing little lady, where are we off to today?” He calls back, but he sounds somewhat distracted. I guess he’s texting Devon again, he’s never fully ‘here’ when he’s filling Devy in.

“The park,” I say and I can tell by the way his head shoots up that he didn’t hear me coming down the stairs. “Great job at staying aware of your surroundings,” I say with a wink and I can’t help but chuckle at his blush as I grab a muffin and head out to my car.

“Please don’t tell Devon, he’ll kill me,” he says whilst shaking his head. “Your secret is safe with me,” I reply as he climbs into the driver's seat, no time like the present.