You'll Never Lose Me (Never 4)

I hate it when people tell me what I already know, doesn’t mean I love Asher any less though. If it’s one thing I know about that lad, he only ever says it how it is. I have to do what Mr. Dickhead ordered but he’s going to make sure Devon knows everything, oh yeah shit is about to get real. Asher was certain of that, but what power does Dev really hold over his dad? He’ll run the BHMC one day but he isn’t there yet, so why does it even matter. Then again, why was his old man so insistent that I didn’t tell him? Something isn’t adding up here, and it’s only proving to further my nervous disposition. I’m scared out of my mind, I may not think with my mind but I’m not an idiot. I know what I’m getting into and what following out his orders could mean. It will rain the fire of the Shaws’ down upon us all, if they go after my parents then we could become fodder.

He wants me to get proof of which Shaws’ my parents are working for and how many cases my dad has interfered with for their benefit. How many cases has he overturned? How many juries has he bribed and how many bad guys has he allowed to walk away without a care in the world?

Photographic proof will prove a little harder but it’s not impossible, Asher is going to help with that one. My dear old mum is a different matter entirely, I know what she’s been doing, and she hasn’t been discreet but how do I get the proof? She’s storing and selling drugs for them but I can’t take any to give to the BHMC, she would notice and it will only end in bloodshed. I could take pictures, but is it enough? Honestly, that isn’t even the part I’m having the most trouble with. I can’t stomach setting up a camera to catch her with them. I do not want to see my mother opening her legs like a second class hooker, for the Shaws. We know it’s happening, dad must know it too but it's taking place right under his roof and Dickhead wants proof. Mrs. Shaw would be very disappointed if it came out, that’s assuming she’s aware of it; he wants the leverage and I’m the one to get it.

I FEEL SICK, I kept telling myself not to listen but I did it anyway. Sawyer is giving me space to deal with whatever has me feeling so messed up, he doesn’t know about the journal and I’m going to keep it that way. It’s none of his concern, it doesn’t make it any easier though. I need to talk to someone about this, but I don’t know who. There’s Noah, but I can’t put this on him. He’s got his own parents to handle and I can’t pile more onto him. I can’t talk to Elijah, we’re not there yet and I’m not going to rush things. Harrison could be the guy I chose, but I refuse to be the one to reach out, childish maybe, stubborn for sure. I just don’t see why I should make the move when I didn’t do a damn thing wrong.

Roxie: Baby girl I miss you and can I just say how excited I am to have you joining us. Please know that I don’t expect you to perform with us, I want you to of course, but there’s no pressure. We just want to see you, bring on next week. Woooo.

Me: I know that, damn girl I know I’m lucky to have you as a friend. What am I saying? You’re family and I love ya. See you in a week, I really am looking forward to it.

Bella: Hey, I just heard you’re coming with us, that’s brilliant. I can’t wait to see you and spend some time with you. I miss you, how can you make me miss Padstow? It's not the school, but the fact that I can’t just walk down the hall to catch up. I miss you being closer.

I don’t trust you Bella, I can’t. No matter what happens I’m going to make sure we’re never left alone. Best to be safe, just in case she decides to shove a knife in my back.

Me: Can’t say I miss Padstow but I get what you mean, see you soon give Matti a hug for me.

“If you clutch your phone any harder you may break it,” Sawyer says as he flicks his gaze to me for a moment.

“Can I ask you something?” I hesitate as I say it, but I need to push through. I need a fresh set of eyes and it needs to belong to someone impartial.

“You can ask me anything you like, whether I answer is a different matter though,” he replies as he white knuckles the steering wheel and I can’t help but wonder what kind of question would cause that reaction.

“If you suspected a friend, someone you adore and has been there for you, as a threat what would you do?” I’m quiet but the car is quieter, so there’s no way he won't hear me.

“It would depend on my certainty regarding the matter and whether I had any proof, has this person done anything to earn your suspicions?” How can he ask it so simply, there is nothing simple about that qu

estion.

“Not exactly, she had a text come through that could have been about anyone but I saw a link. I tried to ignore it but I started seeing links to everything she has done and everywhere she has been when things have happened. It could be a coincidence, but I can’t afford to take that risk,” my words are growing more frantic and I’m practically panting under the strain and fear that I feel.

“I recommend you keep an eye on her and stay on your toes, you don’t want to ruin a friendship if there's no cause.” A flash of pain flickers in his eyes before the shutters fall down. “Accusations like that, there's no coming back from them. However, try not to get cornered by her or be alone with this girl, if she does something suspicious then tell me and I’ll make sure Devon is on the case. He’ll sniff out a rat, if there’s one to be found.”

TWELVE

“LITTLE LADY, WAKE UP,” a hand is gently shaking me awake and I can’t believe I fell asleep.

“Sorry,” I say on a yawn as I stretch out and Sawyer smiles softly at me before his eyes flick to my window.

Rubbing at my eyes before looking outside, I can’t believe that Elijah is standing right there. I move so fast I hit my head on the roof, which just makes the tosser laugh.

“Come on sleeping beauty, out you pop,” he says as he opens my door and takes my hand to pull me up.

No reaction happens which I am beyond happy about, it feels like a huge step in the right direction that he can do something as simple as this and not set me off.

I don’t want to push things so I pull my hands free and grab my bag, despite Sawyer’s grumblings about never being allowed to be chivalrous anymore.

Elijah leads me into his home, it has an open planned kitchen and living room. A staircase in the hallway that leads upstairs and a garden that’s long and secluded.

“Make yourself at home,” he says with a grin as he takes my bag and leads me upstairs to what will be my room for the week.

Its walls have been painted magnolia and there’s a double bed taking up the middle of the room, it isn’t big but it doesn’t matter. I’m only going to be sleeping in here, how much room do I really need?

“I know it isn’t much, but I don’t exactly have visitors,” he says as he rubs the back of his neck.

“It’s perfect, don’t be daft. Although, what do you mean you don’t have visitors? What about your parents?”

“I tend to go and see them, there isn’t really enough space for them all to come up. That and my mum smacked the back of my head the last time she came up, after I said we were done and I wasn’t going to try and make things right,” he sounds so sheepish that I can’t help but smile, plus I adore his mum.