You'll Never Lose Me (Never 4)

“Umm can I help?” I ask and he comes up to me and slowly puts his hands on my hips. I feel like a deer trapped in headlights as I stand stock still, his hands tighten slightly as my feet leave the ground and I’m quickly perched on the counter top.

“Just sit there and look pretty, I’ve got the food taken care of,” he says with another wink as he drops a kiss on the corner of my mouth and walks off with a satisfied grin on his face.

I turn my phone on and set it to play Lewis Capaldi’s album, he gives me a funny look but I don’t care if he’s judging me. These songs always make me feel better, and I don’t miss the way he’s mouthing along to the lyrics either.

“What do you like on your pizza?” He asks, as he starts kneading out the dough and I can’t help but watch the way the muscles in his arms flex. Yum.

“As long as it isn’t fruit I’m happy, fruit has no right going on a pizza,” I say and I can see his shoulders shaking as he holds in his laugh.

“You are so fucking perfect Hen, I completely agree. Ham and pineapple is an abomination but what are you going to do?”

He’s not expecting an answer so I won’t give him one, but I’m enjoying this more than I had anticipated. This feels good, right even. The two of us, chatting about everything and anything and just being together. It’s so easy to be with him and it feels normal, like we’ve been doing it for years. If this is a hint at our future, then I won’t knock it.

BEST PIZZA EVER! Although I am rather biased seeing as Eli made it and I’m bat shit crazy about him. Why do I want to take things slow? I’m really struggling to remember my reasoning behind it.

“Come on beautiful, I fancy watching the sunset and you’re the only person I want to watch it with,” he grabs my hand and our fingers interlock with little thought as he pulls me out into the garden and onto a bench.

His arm is draped over the back of the bench and my neck connects with his arm as I lean back, but I don’t pull away and his fingers soon start rubbing my shoulder as we watch the sun dip below the horizon and the sky is engulfed in a blaze or reds and oranges.

“It’s beautiful,” I say wistfully as I stare entranced but I can feel his eyes on me and I can’t stop myself fr

om looking at him.

“Yeah, you are,” his eyes are brighter than the sky right now as he brings his head in closer and stares right at me as he drops a kiss onto my cheek. “I’m really glad you’re here Hen,” he says in a voice much deeper than it usually is and although I want to close the distance and press my lips against his, I won’t.

Things are already feeling easier with him, maybe it won’t take me so long to get to a point where he can just grab me on an impulse and I’ll be okay with it. I look forward to the moment where I can brush my lips against his without an ounce of fear. I’m getting there and I know he’s worth the wait.

I grab his hand and pull it across my chest as I lean my back against him and lay my head on his shoulder. I can feel him drop a kiss on my head and right here, right now is the only place I want to be.

THREE DAYS HAVE PASSED SO QUICKLY, a lot faster than I wanted and I’ll soon be leaving to join Roxie and the girls. It doesn’t feel as exciting as I thought it would, is it because I don’t want to go or because I don’t want to leave Elijah?

“Hey, I have a surprise,” Eli grumbles as he appears in my doorway, I’m guessing this surprise isn’t anything he planned.

“What’s going on?” I ask, putting Elliot’s journal down, I feel bad that I haven’t read anymore of it lately, but I guess it will have to wait a little while longer.

His eyes dart to the side right as a flash of purple bursts through the doorway and he only just manages to grab Ivy before she can throw herself at me.

“What are you doing here?” Okay that sounds a lot ruder than I had intended, and she’s flipping me off before pulling me into her arms. Fuck.

Hang on, I’m not reacting. Why aren’t I reacting? This should be making me freak the fuck out or at least make my heart race but... I feel fine.

Elijah is just standing there, his mouth hanging open, and he’s looking at me as though I’ve grown a second head. The thing is, none of that matters right now as I throw my arms around Ivy and tears stream down my face. The first hug I’ve had from a person who hasn’t set me off, I didn’t have to get used to her or take it slow. Whatever I had planned for today can wait, I think Ivy is just what I need.

Elijah pulls the door closed and gives us some privacy and I can tell by the black streaks running down her cheeks that I wasn’t the only one affected by our hug. She moves to stand in front of the mirror and starts fixing her makeup while I take her in, she’s still my pixie but her hair is now magenta with a violet fringe. I think she even has a tattoo but I’m only getting the odd glimpse, so I can’t be sure.

“I don’t get it,” I’m not even talking to her but she comes over with her usual swagger and pulls me so I’m sitting on my bed.

“What’s going on?” she asks, arching one eyebrow and I still don’t understand how people even pull it off.

“You hugged me,” she’s staring at me as if to say, yeah so what. “It took me ages just to be able to let Noah and Harrison hold my hand. Sure it’s gotten easier but only with those I’m used to. I haven’t even seen you since Devon got us out,” I’m getting worked up as I speak but I don’t know why.

“Sweetie, I’m not a guy. Maybe that’s why you didn’t react,” she points out and sure it’s valid, but it doesn’t add up.

“Roxie set me off, this is what I’m saying. Why are you different?” It’s really bugging me, because if I can figure it out maybe I can find a way to make it apply to Elijah.

“Maybe you want to find out what being with a girl is like,” she says with a wink, before blowing me a kiss.

“Oh haha, you are hilarious. Please forgive me for forgetting to laugh,” I bite back and she can’t stop herself from hunching over in laughter.