You'll Never Lose Me (Never 4)

“Okay,” he’s drawling the word out, but at least he’s agreeing.

“How did you get Padstow to agree to let Amias graduate a year late? Clearly you wanted him to stay for the duration of my wonderful time there.”

“Drop the sarcasm just a touch sweetie,” Ivy whispers and I hate to admit that she’s right, but I can’t help it.

“I didn’t, I already had another guy lined up to keep an eye on you when he left, only he didn’t. If you want to know why, you’ll have to ask him. Not that I want you to talk to him but he’s the only one with the answers to this little mystery. Sorry little sister, Amias and why he does what he does is a mystery even to me,” his voice melts away the rest of my anger but confusion is left in its wake.

Why did he do it? Should I ask him or just leave it as one of life’s little mysteries? I want to know, but I just don’t think it’s worth all the aggravation that will go along with it. So why won’t my heart agree with me? Yet again I look at my tattoo and the loop that will always belong to him.

12TH AUGUST 2009

I shouldn’t have told Devon, Dickhead is on the warpath and I am firmly in his sights. Richard feels that I betrayed him by telling Devon what he had ordered and Devon won’t allow him to lay a single finger on me. I still don’t know what power he holds over his dad but there’s definitely something there, people are always whispering behind his back. They all believe that Devon is the true boss and Richard is nothing more than a front these days, not that anyone would dare say it to his face. He’s insane, he curb stomped one of his members because he refused to pull a gun on some kid who had apparently looked at dickhead wrong. Devon is the only one keeping things running smoothly, and he’s the reason people are even staying with the Black Hearts, that and they don’t want the tattoo to be burnt or cut from their bodies.

Asher says I need to stop worrying and trust in Devon, which I do but I can’t just forget about the danger that Richard represents to everything I hold close to me. Especially now that he knows about me and Damon, I have no idea how he found out but he’s threatening to bury me if I don’t use it to His advantage. I don’t want to bring Damon into my fucked up life but what more can I do? Unless I tell him, it’s a gamble for sure, he could tell his family and mess me up big time but I need to start trusting him. He told me he loves me and clearly I’m right there with him, but how can I if I can’t trust him with my life and safety?

No, if I really love him then I need to tell him what’s going on and what Richard is trying to get me to do. Hell, if he doesn’t rat me out to his family or run away then he’s a keeper.

The real problem, if the others aren’t serious enough is that Dante is well and truly on the Shaw’s payroll. Crazy motherfucker that he is, it’s hard to believe that he’s the same age as Devon. He doesn’t bat an eyelid at anything and he will do anything for the right price. Apparently his whole family is like it, they even have this cousin who is seven I think and if the rumours are to be believed she killed someone’s dog because it wouldn’t stop barking. If that isn’t bad enough then the worst part is that she isn’t dead inside like the rest of them, she can feel everything and apparently it hurts her and that’s what she likes. It’s psychotic, I don’t think I even believe it. It has to be made up, right? Anyway, I need to speak to Damon and let him know that I’m leaving, one more job and I’m gone. I don’t even care if it doesn’t pay all that well, and I guess we could leave now. Do I really need to stay for one more? I’m sure I’ve got enough saved that we can make a decent start. A fifteen year old looking after a six year old, we could go anywhere, who would bat an eye at that.

Fuck my life, I am so screwed. Unless, I can find someone who is old enough to put their name down on some property, renting of course. I haven’t got enough to buy a place, I wonder who could help us. Maybe I should have a word with Asher, he always seems to have a solution no matter what the situation is.

ROXIE’S FACE goes from overjoyed to pissed off in a nanosecond, all she had to do was look at Ivy and all good feelings went flying out of the window.

“What is she doing here?” You could cut through the tension and animosity with a knife.

“She wanted to come in case Henleigh here decided to get up and play, I can also go wherever I fucking well please you snot-nosed bitch,” Ivy shoves her hands into Roxie, making her stagger back into the wall.

“Wow, calm down Ivy. This is supposed to be a fun, carefree week not one filled with fighting,” I say, as I grab her arm and pull her away before she can try to do anymore damage.

“She isn’t welcome here,” Roxie spits out and Bella and Mikaela are on hand to hold her back as well.

“She isn’t staying here, we’ll be staying in a place near the city centre. She will be staying though, if she wants to be here then she can,” I say, trying to stay calm as everything falls apart around us.

“Hang on, you’re not staying here?” Roxie asks, her tone growing soft and I can hear the hurt as well as see it in her eyes.

“It isn’t anything against you ladies, you know I adore you. But I still have issues with people being in my personal space and I’m not the easiest person to sleep near, I’ll still be spending time with you ladies. On our own as well, but I would love it if you lot could at least try to get along while we’re here,” I’m trying to appeal to my kind-hearted friend, the one who has been there for me through everything I've faced. I hope I can reach her and she can see that I’m not choosing Ivy over her, over them.

I can’t tell her everything though, like how I saw a text on Bella’s phone that has me doubting her. How I don’t know if I can trust the people in my life and tell the truth from the lies, it's getting beyond a joke right now but I can’t stay in a place with people I don’t trust. I trust Ivy and I trust my guys, but at least one of these girls is a wild card.

“Whatever you need baby girl, I told you before I’ve got you and I always

will,” she tries to hug me but my body locks up and my hands shake like I’m stuck in an earthquake. She’s smiling at me and I can see the understanding but it only just covers the pain I’ve caused. At least she doesn’t know about the trust part of it, yet I have no idea why it’s happening for her. I trust her more than anyone. Don’t I?

“Come on, we should be having fun. We’re all back together and we can have a proper girlie day, what do you say Ivy?” Bella asks, being her usual friendly bubbly self, I wish I didn’t think it was all an act.

“Yea, I can do girlie but I don’t do pink,” she says with her hands on her hips and Bella can’t help but jump up and down in excitement, I hate girlie days but I’ll do it for them.

“I AM EXHAUSTED,” I groan as I fall back onto the bed and Ivy can’t contain her laugh, but I’m deadly serious. Those girls have knackered me out.

“It was fun, shame Roxie couldn’t pull that stick out of her arse long enough to get over me being there, but it was still good,” she says as she strips off, modesty be damned, to put her pj’s on.

“There has to be more to the way you two are, there’s so much hate between you two. What happened?” She glances down at the floor and starts picking at her nails.

“Your phone’s ringing,” she says quietly and the phrase, saved by the bell, has never felt more apt than it does right now.

“This isn’t over,” I say before I hit accept. “Hey tough guy, missing me already?” I can’t keep the smile from slipping through into my voice, I’m beyond made up that he’s calling me.

“Hen, I missed you the moment you left my door this morning. How’s it going, you had a good day so far?”