You'll Never Lose Me (Never 4)

&nb

sp; There’s one loose end that I have to tie up though, I can’t pretend that I don’t face an unknown danger and everything can still go wrong. If I’m going to die, then I need to reply to a message that I have made myself forget about.

Me: I don’t forgive you Amias, I don’t know if I can. I want to, because I have never stopped loving you. I don’t ever want to not love you, I hate you sometimes and I hate the way you can make me feel but I love it just as much. Thank you for giving me the space I craved and letting me go, even if you haven’t given up on me. (Ignore that part if you have, I don’t expect you to wait for something that may never happen) I honestly didn’t expect myself to message you back, I thought it would be too hard, and that hasn’t changed but the circumstances are different now. I always thought if I did message it would be to ask you a question, but I don't think it's all that important considering everything that is happening. Ivy has been dragged into this shit storm that is my life and I have to do something to ensure she’ll be okay. There shouldn’t be any risk, but this life is unpredictable and I have no idea what this new threat can do. I just didn’t want anything to happen and to have you thinking I hated you. Because I don’t hate you Amias, I love you and I hope one day you can see the guy you could be, the same guy I have always seen when I look at you.

SIXTEEN

I CAN’T BREATHE, my chest is tight and all I can think about is Ivy. Bella gives everyone a run for their money in the art of deceiving, she isn’t acting any different, you’d never know she has someone tied to a chair somewhere out there.

I don’t think I can do this, there’s too much pressure. If I don’t she dies, if I mess up, she dies. What am I supposed to do? I’m bent over at the waist, with my hands pressed against my knees. Sawyer looks beyond awkward but I can’t be dealing with his issues and I have no idea where my guys are, I really need them right now.

“Where are they?” I push it out through gasps as my lungs constrict and threaten to cut off my oxygen. It’s like someone has them placed within a vice and they just keep tightening them.

“Noah is talking to someone called Mattias, they’re trying to work out who could be targeting you this time, if Dante is telling the truth. Elijah is getting you a drink, but there’s a bit of a crowd forming and I’m not sure where Harrison is. They’ll be here soon though, it’s okay,” he says weakly, he really isn’t good at offering comfort and I’m hyperventilating worse than before.

“Sir, you can’t go back there,” a voice calls from the other side of the door as it's pushed open and my eyes pop open wide as they take in Amias.

“What are you doing here?” Sawyer asks, coming to stand in front of me, as I sink down onto the floor and gasp like an asthmatic after running a marathon.

“I’m not sure, Roxie invited me. I can’t explain it, and I wasn’t going to come but then I had a text from Henleigh. What the fuck is wrong with her?” His tone grows harsh as he storms over to me, pushing Sawyer out of the way and crouching down before me.

“You shouldn’t be here, she doesn’t need more stress,” Sawyer is severely lacking in the dominance today and part of me is wondering if it's because he doesn't think Amias should have to leave.

“I can help,” he says sharply, before focusing all of his attention on me.

“Henleigh, I need to find the guys. Will you be okay and can you let him stay until I get back?” I nod with a quick jerk of my head and he gives us one last look before leaving the room and in return, me and Amias completely alone.

“Little cub, you need to calm down. Breath in through your nose for the count of five and then out of your mouth, nice and slow come on.”

I’m shaking my head, this isn’t going to work, I can’t function at the moment. He drags his hand through his hair before shaking his head and pulling me into his arms. I go as stiff as a board and stop. Stop breathing, thinking, moving. Everything is done and I can’t string a complete thought together until my head snaps onto the fact that Amias is holding me and I pull back before pushing him away.

“What are you doing?” Is that pain I hear in my voice, I don’t deserve to be feeling that right now.

“Whatever I can to distract you from your panicking, I thought a hug would be less intrusive than grabbing you and slamming my mouth against yours,” his voice goes deeper and his eyes flash with an intense hunger that is all Amias.

A shiver courses its way through me as memories of the two of us slam into my mind and take over my senses, but I have to remind myself why I was angry at him. That’s the thing though, I was angry but I’m not anymore. With my life on the line, I don’t see any need to hold on to it anymore, but the pain is harder to let go of.

“Don’t,” it comes out as a whisper, but the pleading in my tone can’t be denied. I just don’t know what I am pleading for.

“I will leave if you ask me to, although I would like to stay and watch the show if you’ll allow me to. I’ll go after and I won’t bother you again,” he rises to his feet and holds his hand out to me.

I think for a moment before I slip my hand into his, electricity shoots up my arm and my hand tingles from his touch. The feel of him is leaving me breathless, just like it always did before. He’s standing so close and I can’t move away, his eyes are darting from side to side, searching mine but I can’t say or do anything.

“Henleigh,” my name falls from his lips like the sweetest melody, although his tone is beyond gruff and it sends more chills darting up my spine.

“What the fuck is going on?”

Amias turns around and I move to the side so Harrison can see that I’m okay. His eyes search me thoroughly before returning to Amias, I can see so much anger within his stare but they soften slightly.

“I’m not sure you should be here right now, she has a lot going on,” he says carefully, moving closer to me and taking my hands within his. He’s being gentle and I’m not sure what to make of it, although I appreciate it more than I can say.

“Yeah, good luck tonight Henleigh. You’ve got this, you can do anything you put your mind to,” he says as he walks over to the door.

“Amias,” I call and he stops to look at me. I’m not sure what I want to say but I have to say it now before he leaves. “You can stay for the show if you want,” I say softly and he smiles slightly before nodding his head.

“Thank you,” he says quietly, keeping our eyes locked before he leaves the room and Harrison wastes no time in pulling me into his arms and wrapping me up within him.

I SPEND the next half an hour backstage in a room with my three guys, holding them and being held, we share kisses and tender moments but nothing more. I still don’t know if I can do this, but what choice do I have? I keep hoping that Ivy will turn up and it will all be a sick joke. I think I’d even forgive her for it, as long as she was okay. It’s wishful thinking though, I know she would never do that, not to me or anyone.