You'll Never Lose Me (Never 4)

The rain stops hitting me, but the heavens are still screaming. The only thing that has changed is the umbrella being held over my head and it isn’t by any of my guys.

“Do you know the full story now?” He asks and all I can do is shake my head, knowing that

he’s well shielded from the view of the car.

“How many of these graves belong to you Dante?” I ask, looking him in the eye as I trail my fingers over his name on the stone.

“A few, but you’ll never find them. I get a new name each and every time I die,” he says casually and our hands brush as I take ownership of the umbrella.

“Your mother sold drugs to Roxie’s mum, she wasn’t arrested no matter what Roxie may have said. Your mother was keeping the good stuff back for herself and mixing the rest with stuff from around the house, the batch she gave to my aunt was a fatally altered bag and she died. Roxie has been planning her revenge for a long time, but no one else in our family will come after you. Not unless we’re given the right price of course,” he says as he steps further away until he’s nearly hidden by one of the trees.

“Is it over now?” I ask.

“That’s the wrong question,” is his reply, so I try again.

“Am I safe from you Dante?” I ask, my throat threatening to close in on itself.

“Yes, I think America sounds like a great place to visit for the time being. Goodbye Miss Monterey,” he leaves and all I can think is... my dad lives in America.

IT’S BEEN a couple of months since the staged funeral and everything seems to be settling down, Elijah is no longer grumbling and H has picked up more hours at the garage. Noah is talking to his dad more and I’m even going to go with him next time he visits. I shouldn’t roll my eyes when I think about Elijah but who the fuck avoids being trampled and then runs in front of a car. He’s lucky it wasn’t going too fast, and he only came away with a broken leg, two broken ribs and a concussion. I’m just glad he's finally coming off the crutches and can stop complaining that he’s bored all the damn time.

I’m still not entirely sure how I managed to convince them to all stay in Cornwall while I came to London to spend some time with Devon, but I think they could tell that I needed some time to myself. This is the first time I’ve been out without one of them since the emergency services traced my phone and found us at Roxie’s little hideaway. They didn’t even know if Ivy would pull through but I’m beyond happy that she did and I couldn’t think of a reason why I shouldn’t offer her a room at my place, we seem to have plenty of them.

“Little Hen, are you ready?” Devon asks, sticking his head out of his office and opening his door for me to enter alongside him.

Guess I better get this over with, the other reason I’ve come here. Amias. I still can’t believe Devon asked me to come up to see him, I never thought he’d be Amias’ advocate.

“Henleigh,” my name sounds like a prayer on his lips as he stands up and looks me over, his eyes dropping to the tattoo on my arm and I can see the question in his eyes.

“What’s going on?” I’m not wasting any time here, I came up to see Devon, not play with the ghosts of my past.

“That text you sent me, sent me into a tailspin, and then I felt as though you were singing to me when you blew everyone away and then suddenly you were gone. I didn’t know what was going to happen. I was terrified little cub and I hate that I couldn’t be there for you, but the hardest part was that it was my fault. I’m the reason I can’t be with you and even if I don’t get to have you back I had to at least do this, and not over text,” he isn’t taking a single break or pause, but it didn’t feel like he was rushing through the words either. I guess this is important to him and I can’t bring myself to deny him the chance, not if it can make him feel a little easier about everything.

“Okay Amias, do whatever it is you need to do,” I say as I sit down on one of the chairs in the office and Devon sits beside me. This has to be really awkward for Amias. Should this bother me, because it doesn’t. What does that say about me now?

“I know this won’t mean a lot anymore, after everything that has happened but I need you to know that I am sorry. I’m sorry for not telling you that I was working for Devon, even when I had chances to do it, I just got scared. I didn’t want to lose you and I couldn’t work out how you would ever want to stay with me if I told you the truth. The fact that I never told you that Octavia was all pretend and I’m sure you know a lot of it was simply a means to put on a show and hurt you. I was a petty bastard and I hate that I did that,” Devon is clenching his fists but Amias either hasn’t noticed or is unphased by the obvious threat that always comes with Devy. “I also should have told you one other thing, but it wasn’t a secret as such, I just never took the time to tell you. I made sure I would stay behind an extra year so I could be with you. I had it in my head that it would be the last year I could call you mine and I hate that I was right but I don’t regret doing it. I could never regret you Henleigh,” he crouches down in front of me and stares up into my eyes.

“You hurt me Amias and I don’t know how to trust you,” I reply, hating that I have to say it.

“Little Hen,” I was not expecting Devon to say anything, and I hope he isn’t about to go all domineering big brother on me. “Amias is loyal to a fault and there were very few people I trusted with your life. I don’t like the little bastard but I should have seen it coming, Elliott used to warn me that you would have no end of admirers. That I wasn’t allowed to punch anyone who looked at you or tried to flirt with you, that I had to trust you would pick the right person or I guess people, for you. He said you were the sun in his gloomy world and you’re smart enough to know who should be in your life,” he looks so uncomfortable. “I want to kick his little arse out of here and tell you that you can do better, but if you want to be with him, then don’t let me putting him in your life be the thing that stops you. He left my ‘group’ because it took you from him and he wants to be a better person. Okay, I’ve said enough,” he finishes and growls under his breath as he stands up and pulls out his phone.

“I’m trying to give you some privacy, I can leave if you want me to Hennie,” do I want that? I’m not sure, but I think I need it, I nod my head and he glares at Amias before leaving, though he does keep the door ajar.

“I don’t deserve you little cub, but I think you deserve me,” his eyes are dark but somehow filled with warmth.

“Huh, what are you saying?”

“There’s a darkness in me that will never go away, I think I need it to thrive or maybe survive I don’t know. And I don’t know what it is about you but something calls to me and I know you’ve felt it too. Maybe it’s your light trying to balance me out or maybe it’s the darkness that rests within you. I think I help you to test your boundaries, play things a little less safe than you are used to. We test each other’s limits and bring out the best and worst in one another. You’re it for me Henleigh and either way, I think we could be something pretty spectacular. I know for certain this is the only time I can say that two wrongs have definitely made a right,” if he could move closer I think he would, but he does move back slightly as I stand up.

“What do you want me to say Amias?” My head is swimming with the words he just spoke.

“Am I too late? Am I wrong? Even if you won’t be with me again, do you think you can forgive me?” His voice fills me with a warmth, like melted chocolate, it’s warm, sweet and dark.

“Amias,” that’s all I can say, and he closes the distance between us once more.

“I will walk out that door right now if that is what you want or need, I’ll do whatever it is you ask of me to make things easier on you and I’ll never bother you again. Just,” he stops talking as his toes line up with mine and he places a hand on my cheek. I have to fight all my natural urges to lean into his touch. “Let me kiss you, just one last time. I keep thinking about the last time I got to hold you and kiss you and it’s not enough. I know I will suffer for this later on, but it’s worth all the hurt,” his eyes dip down to my mouth but he doesn’t move. He’s waiting for my decision and I think there could only ever be one answer. Yes.

It’s Amias, there has always been something between us and it’s more than just the heat that scorches through