Because of You

And I wouldn’t even be able to tell him about this, not now at least.

I closed my eyes and thought about the future, what this meant, how everyone would handle it. I knew one thing for certain, and that was I wouldn’t tell anyone Sutton was the father, no one except my mother and stepfather. They deserved to know, at least.

But what would they say, what would they think of me now?

Pregnant at eighteen with my stepbrother’s baby.

He was known as the delinquent, a troublemaker. But I saw him as the boy I loved, the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And he wasn’t even here to help me through this, to keep me grounded.

That tether started to fray.

And then the tears did spill, fat droplets of salty water cascading down my cheeks and landing on my jean-clad thighs. I set the test strip on the counter and wiped my tears away, breathing out slowly through my pursed lips as I stared at the closed bathroom door.

Pregnant.

A mother before I was even out of my teen years, before I’d even gone off to college.

God, my life had changed so drastically, and all because of one night of passion.

I wouldn’t wait to tell my mother. What was the point? My mother and stepfather would find out eventually—hell, the town would find out soon enough.

I stood and faced the mirror, bracing my hands on the sink. The girl who looked back at me in the reflection sported red-rimmed eyes and glossy cheeks from the tears moving down her skin.

Stay strong.

“I can do this,” I said to that girl, who looked so scared and unsure in that moment. “I have to do this.”

I had no choice.

I placed my hand on my belly and looked down.

A baby.

Sutton’s baby.

And amidst all the fear that consumed me, I felt a glimmer of happiness, a light at the end of a very long and dark tunnel.

I was having Sutton’s baby.

My mother and stepfather were silent as they sat across from me, my mother’s eyes wide and this look of horror on her face. Of course, I hadn’t expected them to be okay with me getting knocked up at eighteen, and I especially didn’t expect them to be all right with the fact that the father was Sutton.

But this was life. Reality.

Frank closed his eyes and breathed out roughly, leaning back in the chair before opening his eyes and staring at the ceiling. A muscle under his jaw ticked, his anger tangible despite the fact he said nothing.

His arms were crossed over his chest, the shirt stretching wide over his muscular body. Sutton looked like his father so much, but where Sutton had this easy-going, almost lighthearted attitude when he was with me, Frank was hardened, almost cold and clinical in everything he did, every way he acted.

“Sutton?” My mother whispering his name really dug at my heart. It sounded so pained.

All I could do was nod my answer.

What else could I say?

What else could I do?

“I mean, did you guys not know how babies are created?” My stepfather was the one to speak now, his voice sharp like the blade of a knife.

“Sometimes things just happen.” I didn’t bother telling him we hadn’t used protection, that we hadn’t even been thinking about the repercussions of our actions.

That wasn’t his business, and certainly wasn’t the focus of the conversation right now.

Whether we’d used a condom or not didn’t matter anyway. I was already pregnant.

He didn’t respond, just shook his head and looked at my mother. She now had her hand covering her mouth, her focus trained on me and a look of disappointment clear. My stepfather stood, the chair sliding across the wooden floor. He left the dining room, the silence stretching between my mother and me.

“God, Catherine,” she finally said and reached out to take my hand in hers. It was that small touch, that reassurance when she squeezed my hand, that had me breaking down. And when I cried she started crying. Both of us were a sobbing mess at the dining room table because it was all either of us could do in this moment.

“I’m sorry I disappointed you,” I said and wiped the tears away with my free hand. “But I love him, Mom. I love Sutton so much.”

She gave me this sad look. “Oh, honey.”

“I’m sorry,” I said again.

Her sadness turned into a small, almost reassuring smile. “I’m not so much upset that it’s Sutton’s baby, sweetheart,” she said softly. “I mean I’d seen the way you two looked at each other. It isn’t really a surprise you got together.”

That shocked me and I knew it reflected on my face.

“But I’m more concerned over the fact you’re having a baby so young. It’s going to be so hard, honey.”