“In that defense, she’s pretty light. If I tossed her out the window, she’d fall pretty far.”
I chuckled and shook my head as I closed my eyes.
“I can’t even think about hiring someone else to be the fucking COO of this company, and yet I can’t handle the workload.”
“You have been pulling a lot of late nights,” Sam said. “But once we catch Jacob, I think it’ll be easier for you to hire someone.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Part of this is because of trust issues, but the logical part of you also sees that seat as a threat. If you hire someone else to take it, there’s a chance Jacob could come after them out of anger. Or revenge. I think part of this is coming from the betrayal, but I think part of this is you protecting your company.”
“It’s funny, really. When I made my first half a billion with this company, I knew I’d made it. I traveled the path I set for my life, and I achieved more than I ever thought possible. I didn’t think anything could knock me from my pedestal. Absolutely nothing. Then something like this happens, and I wonder how the hell I could’ve missed it. After putting so much care into my career and attentiveness into my education, how could I have missed something this drastic?”
“It’s not your job to dwell on that. It’s mine,” Sam said.
“But it’s not. You were right. My personal feelings toward Jacob influenced your outlook on him. It was your job to catch him. It’s not your job to beat yourself up over this.”
“Then who’s is it?” she asked.
“I don’t know,” I said with a sigh. “I just ... I don’t know anymore. I’m doubting myself, and I never fucking do that. I’ve always been confident. I’ve always known all the parts of the equation, but this shit with Jacob proved I didn’t.”
“And that worries you.”
“You’re damn right it does.”
The silence in the air hung heavily between us. Sam was sitting on the couch in the corner, staring at me as I twisted around in my chair. I felt like I was floating aimlessly among the clouds. Untethered and ungrounded. I reached my hand out and put it on the stacks of folders Emma had delivered and heaved a heavy sigh into the room.
What the hell was I going to do?
“You know, my parents wanted me to be a dancer,” Sam said.
“What?” I asked.
“You mentioned something about life paths. That was what my parents wanted for me. To become a dancer.”
“I didn’t know you danced.”
“I do a lot of things. Helps me with my undercover work. I dance. I sing. I play a few instruments. Can mock a few accents. Things like that,” she said.
“What do you sing?”
“Jazz and opera, mostly.”
“You sing opera,” I said as I swiveled toward her. “Like, belting high notes from a stage without a microphone.”
“Yeah?” Her tone dared me to question her ability.
I started laughing, my head shaking from side to side as I tried to conjure the idea of Sam in some poofy dress and a corset, belting high ass notes in foreign languages with pounds of makeup on.
The image itself was enough to bring tears to my eyes.
I thought she was going to throw something at me. Pick up a knife and chuck it at my skull. But instead, her laughter rose from the other side of the room. The sound was light and lilting, so unlike the voice she talked in on a daily basis. Our sounds intertwined and filled the room with a joyous sound. It warmed my chest and trickled good feelings throughout my body.
Oh, how good it felt to smile.
“That was unexpected,” I said.
“It’s good to see you smile. Sue me,” she said with a shrug.