I walked my way down the pier, my shoulders rolled back and my head held high.
I was ready to talk with him and discuss this looming issue that had been brought up last night. His revelation churned my mind last night, bringing up painful memories I never thought I’d allow myself to remember again. They flooded to the forefront of my mind, silently reminding me why I shouldn't love. Why I shouldn’t trust. Why I shouldn't care.
It was my own fear holding me back from falling for him, and I was ready to talk with him about it.
I crested the hill toward the restaurant and panned my gaze along the people sitting down. I knew he was here. He wouldn't have gone far without me at his side. It was simply habit at this point, and there had been no indication that he had come back to the bungalow at all.
But when my eyes finally found his, he was waist deep into the lips of another woman.
Our eyes connected over her shoulder, and I saw the shock on his features. What the hell had I been thinking? If the world was looking for a way to rip me from my trance, it had found a way. I had no idea what I was thinking, convincing myself this could happen, allowing myself to dream of a life in the sun. What the hell was I doing, entertaining a thought like talking to Derek about my past?
Was I fucking nuts?
I turned on my heels and hurried back to the room. I was crushed, and even I couldn't ignore that. I should have known better than to let him convince me any of this was real. It was an illusion. Just like Jacob had been one and just like my parents had been one. I ran into the bungalow and fled to my room, closing the door behind me before I stepped onto the porch. I allowed the morning sun to caress my skin, warming me from the outside as I iced my heart over.
I had to keep with my gut.
My gut was always right.
I felt the want to cry, but I resisted the urge to outwardly do so. No man was ever worth crying over. It was a lesson my father had taught me about the hard way, but I wasn’t going to quit my job, either. This wasn’t going to eat me up like some pathetic little girl tangled up in a summer romance. I was better than that. Stronger than that. I had gone against my gut, and I paid the price for it. What was done was done, and now I knew where to go from here. I had to keep this professional. I had to keep my childish whims out of the picture.
Sometimes, the hard way was the only way to learn.
I drew in a deep breath as my bedroom door crashed open with a thunderous crack. I heard the stumbling around of Derek’s footsteps as he stopped outside the sliding glass doors. I silently sat on one of the deck chairs as my body sank into the cushions, the hot tub bubbling and trying to entice me to step in.
“Sam, I can explain what you saw,” Derek said.
“There’s no need to. You’re a grown man, Mr. Steele. What you choose to do with your time is your choice,” I said.
I crossed my leg over my knee as I settled my hands in my lap. I was trying so hard not to look at him. I hadn’t had enough time to throw my walls back up before he came stumbling in. All I needed was a few more minutes without his piercing stare, and I would be good to go. I would be protected against his strengthening advances, so I could get this job done and get on with my fucking life.
“Sam, listen to me.”
“You were kissing a woman. Who cares?” I asked.
“You, obviously. And me,” he said. “That was my ex, Valerie.”
“I’m not the greatest at conversing with grace, but I’m pretty sure if I gave a shit, that wouldn't help.”
“Sam, don’t do this.”
“Don’t do what?” I asked.
“This. What you’re doing. Acting like you don’t care. I didn’t kiss her. She kissed me.”
“But a kiss did occur,” I said.
“Valerie surprised me.”
“This is the socialite, right? The one with the killer legs, I think is how you put it?”
“Yes. Her. And she was a nut-job.”
“They’re usually the best kissers, yes,” I said. “At least, that’s what John tells me.”
“She surprised me, Sam. I didn’t have breakfast with her. I didn’t pay for anything. I’m not even interested in her. She kissed me. It ca
ught me off guard, and then I pushed her away.”