Erin glanced over her shoulder and saw the same thing I had. She smiled at me. “Good luck.” She scurried out of there before I could say anything in response to that.
I knew that I should make sure no one in the office thought I was going to get involved with Abby, but that would mean telling them all that I had been involved with Abby in the first place. It was sure to just make things even more awkward. But I didn’t want to hear them say things like “good luck.” They shouldn’t be wishing that to their boss.
I couldn’t help staring at Abby as I watched her chat excitedly with Erin. She looked good. Her hair was pinned up in an elaborate braid, a couple of wispy strands framing her animated face. She was wearing a bright green cardigan over a black-and-white striped shirt, and she looked cute and young and fresh. I had to remind myself that I needed to keep things PG. I wondered if I was going to be able to.
But Abby had been clear that we needed to stop whatever was between us. I had to respect that. I forced myself to look down at the papers on my desk and quit staring at her. At least while she chatted with Erin, I had a moment to compose myself. As if that would help anything.
Abby tapped on my door before she entered. She smiled at me, but she seemed nervous as she sat down across from me, wringing her hands in her lap.
I gave her a tight smile. “Don’t worry,” I confessed in a low voice. “I’m not really sure how I should behave, either.” The words were out of my mouth before I could really think them over, and I could have kicked myself for saying them. That was probably the last thing she needed to hear right now. She probably thought I wasn’t even going to try to restrain myself now.
Abby looked surprised and then smiled at me. I could practically see her relax a little. “I’m sorry about everything,” she said. “I have gotten some clarity over the past two weeks, so that’s been good.”
“I’m glad to hear that,” I said, even though I felt some amount of trepidation about what kind of clarity she might have gotten. Did I even want to know?
Sure enough, her next words were like a knife to the heart. “This is just the way that it has to be for now. I like my life, and I value my privacy. I don’t want to be caught up in media drama.”
I nodded at her, trying to hide my disappointment. Well, what had I really expected? That she would come back in here and tell me that she had made a mistake, that she didn’t want to cool things off between the two of us?
Maybe I had, I admitted to myself. The truth was, I had expected her to quit. When she’d told me that she wanted to take a couple weeks off but that she was sure that she still wanted to keep working for me, I guess maybe I’d let myself think that the two weeks were enough time for us to cool off too. That once she came back, we would go right back to what we’d been doing before.
Could I really have been that stupid? Her return to work there was even more reason for her to not want to get involved with me again.
Still, what else could I say to her? I nodded. “I understand.” I cleared my throat and gestured at the papers on my desk. “We have a pretty busy schedule today, so I guess we should get started. Were you able to review the documents I sent you last week about our latest projects?”
“I did,” Abby said, entirely business-like as she nodded at me. I tried not to deflate at the easy way that she clearly forgot all about her feelings for me. If only I could dismiss my own feelings as easily.
Chapter 4
Abby
I FORCED MYSELF TO listen to what Daniel was telling me about our first meeting of the morning, but to be honest, I was having a difficult time concentrating on what he was saying. I couldn’t stop thinking about how good it was just to see him again.
Not that he looked very good. The bags under his eyes were deeper than they’d been before, and he looked like he hadn’t slept since the drama with Gerrard. I wondered if he was that worried about things between us, or if it had to do with the company. Maybe there was something he wasn’t telling me.
Because surely he wasn’t that upset that things couldn’t work out between us, right? He had said that he didn’t really know how to act, but I could tell that was just something he had said to make me a little less nervous, to put me at ease. Otherwise, he was 100 percent professional, and I felt like I was the only one who had thought that, I don’t know, maybe my return here would prompt him to say something really cheesy about how we couldn’t go on like this, how he needed me in his life or...or something.
I knew that he and I couldn’t be involved with each other. I had meant it when I told him that I wanted to focus on my career and that I liked my privacy. I really didn’t want to be caught up in a media shitstorm. I was still trying to recover from the last one, two weeks later.
But he treated me like just any other employee. And that hurt me more than I’d expected it could.
I swallowed hard and suddenly stood up. “Sorry, I drank a lot of coffee this morning,” I told Daniel. “I’m just going to duck into the restroom real fast.”
Daniel looked taken aback. “Oh! No problem,” he said, shuffling some papers on his desk. He turned his attention to whatever was there in front of him. I slipped out of his office, feeling like a coward.
In the bathroom, I leaned against the sink, looking at myself in the mirror. “You idiot,” I told myself succinctly. Had I really thought I could just walk back in here and take up my position as his advisor again? Too much had happened between us, even in that short time I had been working there before the fight with Gerrard.
I didn’t like that it was apparently so easy for Daniel to be rid of me. I had thought that the media was wrong, that he wasn’t just some player. Matt and Leanne had tried to tell me, but I had assured them that they were wrong. That Daniel really cared for me. But even if he had once cared for me, it seemed that he had already moved on. Two weeks, and he was ready to pretend that he had never had any sort of feelings for me, not even lust.
I sighed and splashed water on my face. I should be happy. In making it seem like he had never been interested in me in the first place, and in making me realize that he really was every bit the player that the media made him out to be, he was making it easy for me to keep working there. But it still hurt.
I had just thought that he was different. How could I have been so wrong?
“You doing okay?” Erin asked suddenly from behind me.
I whirled around, trying not to look guilty. “Yeah, I’m fine,” I told her. “Why?” I frowned suspiciously. “Daniel didn’t send you to check on me, did he?”
Erin shook her head. “Of course not,” she said.