“For what it’s worth, you weren’t the only one putting a lot of pressure on the relationship,” Austin said slowly. “I think Abby let herself get just as carried away.”
I frowned, chewing at my lower lip. Then, I nodded. “I was just so caught up in the idea of it,” I told Austin. “In the idea of Abby, not the boss-secretary romance or whatever.” I paused. “She just wasn’t like anyone else I’ve ever met before.”
Austin paused. “I hate to say this, and trust me when I say that I’m sorry that you and Abby didn’t work out, but have you stopped to consider that maybe that’s because you didn’t meet her at a bar or a club?” he finally said.
I sighed. “I know,” I said. “But I didn’t meet Ivy at a bar or club, either, and that wasn’t any better. Actually, that was probably worse.”
Austin grimaced with distaste at the mention of my ex-girlfriend. Ex-fiancée, really. Ivy and I had dated for a year. Things had been good between us, or so I had thought. She challenged me in our relationship, although not in the business sense. She was everything I had ever expected to want in a woman too. She charmed everyone at the fancy galas I had to attend for work, but she was just as comfortable hanging out around the house in her sweatpants, her hair pulled up in a messy bun, thick glasses perched on her nose.
We’d had fun together. She always wanted to go out and do things, and I loved that. She would come up with elaborate plans for our weekends, keeping me away from any sort of work. She’d really helped me relax a little, for the first time in my life.
When we’d first gotten engaged, the initial media reaction was that we were rushing into things. We’d only been dating for seven months at that point. And in retrospect, I guess I should have seen where things were headed. Ivy liked being in the public eye, almost more than anyone I’d ever met.
Her social media had blown up in the time that we were together, and I had a feeling that most of those weekend adventures were more about racking up likes than about spending time together, just her and I. She liked when I took her on expensive evening dates or out to the newest clubs. Not only that, but I slowly started to realize that she wasn’t just chitchatting at those galas; she was networking.
I still probably would have overlooked all of that, but about a year
into our relationship, five months after we had gotten engaged, I caught her sleeping with one of my old friends, Devon Hedley. The news had pretty much destroyed me. I’d been as close to Devon as I was to Austin; he’d always been one of my best friends, a guy that I could really count on to have my back.
But apparently not.
Not that I was naive enough to think that Devon was the only person Ivy was cheating on me with. The more I looked into it, the more I realized that this was a pattern for her. She’d been cheating on me for a solid six months of our relationship. At least. There were probably dozens of guys. She just liked what I could give her; it didn’t mean she really wanted to spend the rest of her life with me.
The worst part of it, though, wasn’t the trust issues or losing her. The worst part was that I missed having someone in my life. That was why this whole thing with Abby had seemed so incredible, and why I had fallen into it so quickly. I was more than ready to fill the void that Ivy had left in my life.
It wasn’t fair for me to pin all of that on Abby, though. I never should have rushed things like that. Especially since a good part of my interest in her no doubt stemmed from the fact that she was so not interested in being in the public eye. Oh, I liked Abby, a lot. But there was part of me that really liked Abby because she was so much Ivy’s opposite.
“Look, I’m not trying to say that everyone you meet outside of bars and clubs is going to be perfect,” Austin finally said. “And please don’t tell me that you’re still hung up on Ivy.”
“I’m not,” I assured him. I paused and then admitted sheepishly, “But to be honest, sometimes I do kind of wish that I had never found out that she was cheating on me or using me or any of the rest of it. I wish I could have just married her and built a life with her and, I don’t know, stayed ignorant of the fact that she never loved me back. It would have been easier that way.”
Austin shook his head, and I hated the pity I could see there in his eyes. “You know the truth would have come out eventually,” he reminded me. We’d had this conversation before, and that was exactly what he always reminded me. The press were always there following me; they would have outed Ivy’s secret eventually. Better that I found things out in private and was able to call things off before they could really get ugly. Better that I broke things off with her before I got used to calling her my wife.
“I know.” I sighed. “And I know I should probably be happy that Abby just doesn’t want anything to do with any of that. That she doesn’t want the press to know anything about her. It’ll make her great in her role as my advisor.”
“But you’d rather she fit into the role as your girlfriend,” Austin surmised.
I shrugged one shoulder and then shook my head. “Look, I don’t really want to talk about any of this anymore. She’s back to work for me, and I guess that’s something.”
“Are you going to try to convince her to change her mind?” Austin asked curiously.
“Of course not.” I sighed. “She made it clear that she doesn’t want anything to do with me. And it’s like you said before, when I told you about the good work she does for me. I don’t want to do anything that could make her want to quit working for me. Not least of which because I don’t want to deal with the hassle of having to hire someone else.” I paused and squared my shoulders. “So if she doesn’t want to date me, then I just have to respect that.”
Austin nodded at me. “That’s a pretty brave position to take,” he commented.
I gave him a bitter smile. “Well, what else could I do?” I wasn’t looking for an answer.
I knew what I’d like to do, and it was exactly what I had just maintained that I wouldn’t do. I’d like to keep things easy between me and Abby for now, a bookmark of sorts. I’d tame my wild ways, quit getting caught partying and running around town with various women.
Of course, there were some stories I would never be able to help, like when the press had snapped a photo of me outside McGregor Enterprises’ offices with two of my employees as I hailed a cab for them. Or those business-related outings with daughters of the men I worked with. But I could make Abby see, I was sure, that I didn’t always have to be in the media’s eye. And that she wouldn’t have to, either.
I knew that wasn’t going to help my situation, though. Abby was the kind of woman where once she got something in her head, that was just the way that things were. And she was cautious in matters of the heart, I could tell. I couldn’t blame her for that.
I had lost my chance with her. That was all there was to it.
Because the one thing I hadn’t addressed, something I hadn’t talked to Austin about, was the other part of what Abby had said. About how she didn’t want to be with someone violent. I would never do anything to hurt her, but I knew that I hadn’t exactly shown her my best side that night at the bar. And there was no coming back from that.
Suddenly, I raised my arm to signal the bartender that I’d like another round. When he came over with our drinks, I glanced around. There weren’t too many people in there, and I was pretty glad that they were so accepting of my presence there still.