“I don’t know if I’ll ever get him back.”
“I think he’ll come to his senses eventually. If it’s meant to be, at least. Either way, he needs time to digest all that you told him. From the sounds of the conversation, you threw everything at him so quickly, there’s a chance he still didn’t digest all of it.”
“I just kept sobbing and apologizing, hoping he would just scoop me up into his arms,” I said, sniffling.
“I know, Hailey. I know. It’s going to be all right. No matter how this pans out and no matter what happens from here, you’ve got your gallery. I’ll come see you soon. I can tell you all about my voice lessons.”
“Wait, you’ve been taking voice lessons?” I asked. “Since when?”
“Since I got back after our fourth of July blowout. I felt rejuvenated after that trip and... I came back and scheduled things. I’m taking two lessons a week.”
“Anna, that’s incredible,” I said, smiling. “Yes, you’ll have to tell me all about them when you come back down here.”
“I know he’s still on your mind,” she said. “And I know I can’t distract you from it. Just know that life is still going. Don’t do what he did with his life. Don’t dwell on the past so much that it eats your present alive.”
“It’s been a month, Anna. Shouldn’t he be well past his blind rage at this point? I’m not asking him not to be upset, but I just had this feeling when I walked up onto his porch,” I said.
“What kind of feeling?”
“Like anger was seeping through the walls at me. It was stifling. It almost choked my voice in my throat,” I said.
“Hailey, you can’t put a timeframe on how long someone should be angry at something like this before they let it go. He’s held onto the guilt that eats him alive from his brother’s death for years. If anything, that’s an indication of how long he holds onto stuff.”
“Shit.”
“I’m sorry I can’t give you any better advice,” she said.
“No, no. Talking to me helps. Thank you for picking up.”
“I’ll always pick up for you,” she said.
“I should’ve told him the truth from the beginning. I should’ve told him I was at that fucking bar.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“I panicked. I thought maybe he would see it as an intrusion, that some chick who sort of taught his brother how to paint a few times had barged in on an intimate ceremony. He knocked on my door and was standing there, and I didn’t want to scare him off. I didn’t want to open that can of worms and didn’t want him to start asking questions.”
“Questions about how his brother died?” she asked.
“Yeah. I didn’t know if he knew or if his family knew the entire story. And when I was rambling and sobbing and trying to get everything out at once, it was like I’d slapped him with a hot frying pan.”
“He didn’t know?” she asked. “That his brother was murdered?”
“I don’t think he did, and that’s what I was afraid of. I was afraid of opening all this and of him hearing it from such an impersonal person.”
“But you didn’t become an impersonal person, Hailey. That’s the point. That man fell in love with you.”
“Damn it, Anna. I know that now, but I didn’t know it back then. I mean, not until I felt the same way, and then we were in love and enjoying life, and I didn’t want to ruin things.”
“Or risk losing him?” she asked.
“That, too,” I said, whispering.
“Hailey, with stuff like this, there’s never a good time to talk about it. There’s never a good time to bring it up. As long as you realize you made a series of mistakes that led to hurting that man, that’s enough. You can’t go back and change it. You can only move forward.”
“I want to move forward with him,” I said, sniffling.
“I’m not sure you can. You have to give him space and time. He obviously wants it if he’s blocked your number. You gave him the painting. You didn’t sell it to anyone, despite the fact that many people wanted to buy it. Let that be enough. Leave the man alone for a little while and see what happens,” she said.