“Why wouldn’t you showcase something like that? It would be a great way to honor their memory,” he said.
“It’s a bit more complicated than that. I also keep it as an overflow space for things I sell in my small little shop.”
“When you’re not gutting pumpkins in it?” he asked, grinning.
“Exactly. But I’m sure people wouldn’t want me to be gutting pumpkins where I’m usually painting, so I moved that whole workshop back here. Don’t worry. I keep everything nice and clean,” I said, winking.
“How did you know the artist?” he asked.
“Hm?”
“The artist who died. How did you know them?”
I closed my eyes while I tried to keep the memories at bay. If there was any person I was going to talk to about all this, it most certainly wasn’t Max. He was a nice guy, and I had to admit he had a natural charm about him, but that subject was deeply personal. John’s paintings didn’t just conjure memories of Los Angeles and our art therapy classes together anymore.
They also conjured memories of Bryan, a man I’d come to hurt more than I’d ever intended.
“I’m just waiting for the right time, I guess. It’s a personal venture, too, and I’m not quite ready for it.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I can respect personal ventures. Let me know when you start hanging them. I’d love to come take a look and dive more into the story behind all of this,” he said.
“I’ll keep you in the loop,” I said.
“Well, I must be heading off. I have a check to cash, and I can finally get you a couple of new paintings I just finished.”
“Wonderful. You can drop them off anytime, and I’ll get them on the wall,” I said.
I turned and went back into the small little room where I had started tracing the stencil on a massive pumpkin. Max bringing up John’s paintings threw me back to this inevitable meeting I was having with Bryan. He deserved to know the truth, the absolute truth, no matter what it did to him. He needed closure. Bryan deserved the kind of closure I knew I could give him, but if I somehow didn’t get through to him, I knew it would truly be over for both of us.
I didn’t only want to communicate what happened to his brother and my memories of him, I wanted to communicate to him that none of this had been planned. I hadn’t planned to settle in San Diego and track him down. I hadn’t planned on falling in love with him. I hadn’t planned on giving myself over to him like I did. It had just happened. I needed him to know I still loved him, and I was still willing to work on things, despite how he tossed me out onto his porch after using me.
I knew Anna wouldn’t be happy with that truth, and I knew Bryan wouldn’t be either, but there were things he needed to say like there were things I needed to say.
I picked up my carving
knife and made the first of many incisions. I allowed myself to be swept away by the rhythmic cutting of the pumpkin’s flesh, the orange slowly giving way to the picture I wanted. I heard my phone buzzing on the counter near the cash register, but I had no intentions of picking it up. It was probably Anna, trying to figure out if I needed anything here at the gallery, but all I needed was for her to back off.
All I needed was to get this talk with Bryan over with.
Chapter 13
Bryan
Halloween was just a couple days away, and I could feel the excitement lingering in the air. Children were chattering about costumes, and parents were hauling bags of candy to their cars. All the while, I was standing outside Hailey’s art studio door. It was opening and closing frantically with happy customers lugging their artwork and pre-carved pumpkins home. I couldn’t help feeling a small flicker of pride well up in my chest for her success. There was a part of me that ached that I hadn’t been here for the grand opening to usher in this new part of her life that seemed to be doing so well.
I scooted over toward the window and saw her chatting with a customer. People were pointing out paintings on the walls, asking about prices and fondling the tags hanging from them. Some people were asking her about the easel up front, and I had to duck down when she looked over, so she wouldn’t spot me. I wasn’t ready to have this conversation with her, especially in front of customers. I wasn’t ready to hash this out and attempt to stuff my feelings down, so I could listen to her ramble on about someone she never really knew, someone she felt she knew because he painted some pictures before he shot himself up in an alleyway or some shit.
I took a deep breath and listened as her door kept opening and closing. I took a deep breath and stood up, no longer seeing her through the window. I turned my head toward the diner and started over that way, feeling my stomach rumbling with hunger. It’d been weeks since Drew and I had been over there. I’d been avoiding it because of the proximity to Hailey’s gallery, but I knew Drew was avoiding it because I was.
I walked into the diner and sat down, taking in all the Halloween decorations that had been put up. Many of the waitresses perked up when I came in, waving to me with wide smiles on their faces. I’d forgotten how much this place warmed my soul, and I felt the joy I garnered from this place spreading through my limbs. I sat down, and our regular waitress came over, a double chocolate milkshake already in her hand as she set it in front of me. No whipped cream but cherries on both the bottom and covering the top.
Just how I enjoyed it the first time I’d shared a milkshake with Hailey.
“Been a while since I’ve seen your pretty face in here,” she said, smiling. “You feelin’ all right?”
I looked back across the road out through the window and saw Hailey helping a customer stuff painting after painting in the back of his car. Holy shit, she was doing wonderfully. Had it been this busy since she opened?
“Oh, yeah. I’m doing fine. Just really busy with work. Opening new job sites and such.”