“But that’s just the danger, isn’t it?” Austin asked, making a face. “I hate to say it, but are you willing to risk a good employee just for the sake of this relationship or whatever this is?”
“What do you mean?” I asked, narrowing my eyes at him.
Austin looked uncomfortable, but he forged ahead. “Come on, Daniel, you know yourself. Like I said before, you’ve never been the dating kind of guy. So if or when things go south with her, well. You have to think about that before you start anything with her. If you do date her and things end badly, you might lose a great advisor. And if you don’t date her but you give her the impression of wanting something more with her, before you’ve even started anything, then who knows how it could end up.”
I frowned as I considered that. I didn’t know why I hadn’t thought about it before. I had been so worried she would think I would fire her if things went badly that I somehow hadn’t even considered the fact that she might feel uncomfortable there and not want to work for me anymore. It might not come down to me firing her; she might quit.
Was I ready to face that sort of possibility? I thought about the work she had done for me already. And I thought about how difficult it had been to sit through even one day of interviews before I had hired her. I didn’t want to lose her, I was sure of that.
But it wasn’t just about her work, that was the thing. I didn’t want to lose her, but I also didn’t want to miss out on anything. What might happen if we did date? Maybe she was the perfect woman for me. Maybe things would work out. Could I give up on that, all because things might go south? It was risky either way.
The same as business, really. It was all about the risks. Figuring out which risks you could take and which risks you should avoid. Which ones were going to be profitable and which ones were better forgotten about. I didn’t really want to think about this relationship with Abby in those terms, honestly.
Maybe I had to, though. Because losing her wouldn’t just affect me, it would affect my business. Not only because I would have to spend money hiring and training a new advisor, but because we would lose all the insight she might ever have given me otherwise. There was an opportunity cost there, I was sure. Not one that I wanted to figure out, but maybe one that I needed to figure out.
The first time she and I had kissed, I’d just been acting on impulse. But I couldn’t live my whole life on impulse; that just wasn’t how I did things.
I scowled darkly down at my beer and took a long sip of it.
“What’s going through your head?” Austin asked, and he actually sounded worried about me.
I realized I was gritting my teeth, and I forced myself to take a deep breath and let it out slowly. I unclenched my fingers as well, laying them flat on the table. “I can’t let this all come down to business,” I said.
Austin looked horrified. “That’s not what I meant to say,” he said, shaking his head quickly. “Not at all.” He paused. “I just want to make sure you’ve thought through all of this.”
I nodded at him, but I knew that I was still distracted.
There was a possibility that Abby could be what I had always wanted. Needed. Someone who was going to make that old house feel like a home. Someone who could fill the place with her light and fill that aching void in my heart that had been there ever since my father had died.
Was it fair to put all of that on Abby, though? Was I putting too much pressure on this before it had even started?
But whatever my feelings on it, it might be too late to call things off anyway. I didn’t want to tell Austin about the kiss. Or the second kiss. How would Abby feel, though, if I canceled on her before we even went to dinner together? I had seen that look in her eyes when I had asked. I knew she wanted this.
And I did too.
“Whatever you do, you know I support you,” Austin said quietly, in a moment of uncharacteristic emotion. Of course, that was something I already knew; he was my best friend, and we had spent so much time together over the years. Whatever I did, he was always there for me. But it meant something to hear him say it out loud. “You’ll make the right choice,” he continued. “You always do.”
I tried to think of what to say in response to that, but nothing seemed fitting for the gravity of the situation. Finally, I just held up my glass to his, waiting until he clinked his glass against mine. We each took another sip of our beers.
Chapter 18
Abby
LEANNE WATCHED AS I tried on everything in my closet for a third time. She snorted as I put on a black button-down and red skirt. “Come on, you and I both know that you’ve worn that same outfit to work before,” she said.
“What’s wrong with that?” I asked defensively.
“It’s a date,” Leanne reminded me, as though I needed the reminder. She got to her feet and pushed me over to my bed so I’d take the seat that she had vacated. “I’m not saying you have to bare it all,
but this is Daniel McGregor we’re talking about. You at least want to look a little sexy, don’t you?”
“Well, yeah.” I sighed. “But I just don’t know what to wear. I don’t even know where he’s taking me.”
“I have a feeling he’s taking you somewhere nice,” Leanne said in a singsong voice.
“So you’ve told me,” I said, rolling my eyes and trying to feel fond rather than just exasperated. “But I’m telling you, I don’t think that’s what this is.”
“You kissed him, didn’t you?” Leanne asked.