“We did. He’s been arrested and charged. Far as I know, he hasn’t made bail,” Hailey said. “Good,” my mother said. “Serves that bastard right.” Hailey’s eyes widened and giggled at my mother’s choice of words. “John had a great deal of potential,” Hailey said. “He could’ve been a professional.” “Had he had the correct support,” I said. The tone of the dinner suddenly fell again while plates of food were being set in front of us. The small smile my mother garnered faded from her face, and I heard my father clear his throat to try and rid the tension from the room. Hailey slipped her hand over and squeezed my thigh, trying to find some comfort of her own while she proclaimed her support for me. I knew I was right, even if they didn’t want to admit it. “Or had he not been driven away,” I said, murmuring. “It was your brother’s choice to turn to drugs to cope,” my mother said. “Now, we may have made some bad parental decisions raising you boys, but there is nothing that excuses that sort of behavior.” “An artistic outlet would’ve helped with that,” I said. “Had he tried to turn it into something practical like you did, then maybe we would’ve supported it,” my mother said. “Or maybe you could’ve allowed a little boy the ability to paint with watercolors,” I said. “Well, if John hadn’t been such a—” “That’s enough, Dorothy,” my father said. The tone of his voice was shocking, and it caused my head to whip over to him. The stern glare my father had in his eyes had always been one reserved for me and John. Whenever we’d flunked a test or gotten into trouble at school. Whenever we were fighting or whenever we broke something of Mom’s. Never had I seen it turned toward my mother like that. “It’s time we faced the truth,” he said.
“Get out of my house,” my mother said. “It’s not just your house,” Hailey said. “Get the hell out of my home,” my mother said while she glared at Hailey. “No, Hailey. You’re more than welcome here. You always have been,” my father said. “Not only are you in love with our son, but you were deeply involved in the life of our other son. You will always have a place at this table.” “Michael, what are you doing?” my mother asked. “Dorothy, I know you’re in pain,” my father said as he reached out for her hand. “What in the world are you doing?” she asked as she ripped her hands away. “Dorothy, give me your hand,” he said warmly. I watched the transaction, completely rooted to my seat as my mother slowly slipped her hand over to his. The comfort and the love that radiated from my father’s eyes were being absorbed by my mother, and for the first time, I saw pain and regret and guilt behind her eyes. I reached down and pried Hailey’s tightening grasp from my thigh, interlocking our fingers while I held on to her tightly. “We read the article that talked about John’s life before he died,” my father said. “It was suggested that he hadn’t cleaned up his act.” “Mr. McBride—” “Michael,” he said. “Michael,” Hailey said, “John was clean, completely clean, for months. Your son did not overdose in the middle of a dark alleyway. He was intentionally shot up.” “That’s what Bryan tried to tell us the last time we were all together,” my father said. “And he’s right. There were some issues with an art therapy student of mine, and there were some men that came after me,” Hailey said. “John was trying to protect me the only way he knew how, the only way he could during that point in his life.” “He died a hero, Dad,” I said. I saw my father’s gaze lock hard on my mother’s face, who looked like she wanted to get up and run. Her body was tense, and her eyes were downcast into her lap. Her lips were pursed, and her brow was furrowed. She was white-knuckling my father’s hand while she sat there, wanting desperately to run but not allowing herself to do it, not while my father had a grasp on her. “I didn’t want to believe it when Bryan told me,” my father said. “It was easier to think he’d died of his own accord.” “It leaves a cord dangling,” Hailey said. “I tried everything I could, Michael. I left several anonymous tips. I even went down to the police station myself and tried to file a report. But they threatened to arrest me for filing a false report.” “They what?” my father asked. “Yeah, Dad,” Isaid. “They threatened to throw Hailey in jail for trying to report what actually happened.” “Are those men still on the streets?” my father asked breathlessly. “No,” Hailey said. “They died a couple years ago. It’s why I left L.A. for good. I want
ed to leave all of it behind, but I was scared if I left, they would follow me.” I brought Hailey’s hand to my mouth to kiss, realizing she was now shaking. “It’s all right,” I said into her skin. “Just take deep breaths.” “The police did your son wrong by not investigating, Michael. There’s nothing we can do about John, no matter how much we wanted to do something. But, if I could find a way to save someone from the exact lackadaisical police procedures that left your son’s murder unsolved, then I’d sacrifice anything to make it happen,” Hailey said. It was the first time I’d ever heard Hailey explain the guilt she carried with her so intellectually, and my eyes hooked onto her. She was staring hard at my father while my mother’s gaze slowly traveled up to her face. The three of them sat there, looking at each other while our plates of food grew cold. I didn’t know about anyone else, but I was no longer hungry myself. “I can look into that,” my father said. “You can what?” I asked. “If this is all true, and they simply brushed my son’s murder as an overdose, then someone needs to answer for that,” my father said. “What in the world could you do?” my mother asked breathlessly. I felt the very air I was breathing leave my lungs at my mother’s question. In seven small words, she had not only accepted what had happened to John, but she was engaging herself in the conversation of what to do and where to go from here. “I have many contacts with the politicians who oversee Los Angeles. I might be able to make some closed-door meetings happen and have some intense intellectual discussions,” my father said. “You would do that?” I asked. “Yes.” I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Maybe I hadn’t heard him right. “You would use your connections to help change police procedures in the city of L.A. because of what happened to John.” “Yes,” my father said. I sat back in my chair and allowed the entire exchange to wash over my body. It wasn’t an apology, but in the grand scheme of things, it was better. It seemed as if Mom had come one step closer to accepting what had really happened with John as well as identifying how they misstepped as parents. My father was reaching out and using the very influence I threw in his face at our last dinner to help a son it seemed like he was intent on no longer acknowledging. They seemed at least mildly interested in Hailey’s work and what was going on with her gallery, and they even made comments about how talented and artistic their son had been.
It was more of an outcome than I ever could’ve imagined coming from this dinner, and I was grateful.
For the first time in over seven years, I was grateful to my parents.
Hailey
“I
can’t believe that just happened,” Bryan said.
“I’m a bit shocked myself,” I said.
“My father actually offered to help,” he said.
“And your mother actually acknowledged she’d made some bad parenting decisions.”
We stood in the small living room of my studio apartment, still reeling from dinner. Our plates had stayed untouched while the four of us continued to talk about John’s art, and I told his mother where she could find the two paintings of John’s currently hanging in another gallery. I could tell Bryan was still in his head, digesting the night and all the things we talked about.
But all I could do was study him, drink in every detail of him while I still could.
“You’ve done so much for us,” Bryan said.
“What do you mean?”
“The help you gave John. The love you’ve given me. The way you stood up to my parents and how you stuck by me even after I did all of those horrible things to you.”
I nodded and looked down at my feet, not knowing what else to say.
“You showed off John’s artwork, and now it’s being shipped all over the world. You helped me understand my own downfalls and how I was allowing John’s death to consume me rather than push me forward. In a way, you’ve even helped me repair my relationship with my parents.”
“I wouldn’t go that far,” I said. “I would. You’re the one who convinced me on several occasions to keep an open mind with them. Had it not been for you, I would’ve shut them out and kept them there,” he said. “You would’ve eventually come around.” His eyes turned toward me, and I was rooted to my place. The way the moonlight cascaded along his body, illuminating him in this bioluminescent glow. I took in every dip and rise of his body, the way his vein pulsed at the crook of his neck, the way his eyes danced around my face, and the way the hairpin curl of his lips seemed to always make him look as if he were filled with joy. I took in the succulent tan of his skin as my hand rose up, sinking into the swell and strength of his chest. I allowed my hand to slide down his torso, my fingertips memorizing every single muscle I could feel underneath his clothes. “My life is better with you in it,” Bryan said. “And I’m not sure I could live it without you.” I was stunned. His words hit me with a force that was battering, and suddenly I couldn’t breathe. Every fear I’d ever experienced was bombarding me all at once, and that’s when the reality of my situation hit me. If I told him the truth about my cancer, it would actually destroy him. I was dying, and I couldn’t take him with me. My body wouldn’t let me live for him, and his body wouldn’t die at my side. I gripped my fist into the fabric of his shirt, trying to memorize the way he stood and smelled and sounded. One day, my eyes would close for good, and I would no longer be able to feast my gaze on his form. I’d no longer be able to smell his sweat or kiss his cheek or writhe my body against his. I couldn’t live with him, and I couldn’t die without him. In a flash of emotional intensity, I pulled him toward me. I rose up onto my toes and kissed him fiercely, feeling his lips swell underneath mine. I wrapped my arm around his neck, jumping and wrapping my legs around his waist while I pressed my chest closer and harder against him. I felt his hands grasp my ass, his strong body walking us over to my bed before he laid me down gently. I wanted to experience him, bathe in him, cover myself with him. I wanted his smell to be so decadent and so powerful, it permeated the existence of my apartment. I wanted to smell him for days on my skin and for weeks on my sheets. I wanted the walls to scream of our passion while I slept in the middle of the night, dreaming of all the ways he would never be able to take me and dreaming of the places I would never get to see with him. We ripped each other’s clothes off, casting the tattered ruins of the fabrics to the floor. His fingertips scraped down my skin while his callouses left behind scratches. My nails raked along his back, leaving reddened trails of seething lust as he stuffed himself deep into me. I moaned and grimaced, taking the pain with the pleasure as he sunk himself deep into me. Our bodies were trembling in the weakening moonlight as the cloud cover began to robus of the only light we had to see one another. Soon, we were consumed in pitch darkness. His lips kissed every piece of open skin it could find while his hips rammed into mine, and I lapped my tongue up and down his neck while he growled. I thrust against him wildly, allowing my sounds to run free, moaning out the syllables of his name. His tightly wound curls raked against my sweet spot, sending shivers down my legs while I tried to plant my heels into the bed. But when I couldn’t get any leverage, I flipped up over and started bouncing on his hips. Islammed down onto him time and time again while his hands roamed my body. He squeezed my breasts and massaged my thighs. He raked his hands along my ass and dug his fingerprints into my hips. I planted my hands on his chest and rocked against him, loving the way he filled me and throbbed against my wetness. I closed my eyes and filed it away, so I could recall it during my eternal slumber. I felt tears rising to my eyes while his hands roamed my skin. He sat up and captured my lips, laying me back down under him as our tongues slid against one another’s. I committed to memory the way he tasted, his wine-tainted lips filling me with a life I wanted so desperately to live with him. A life that would no longer be afforded to me for reasons I still couldn’t reconcile. Slowly, his body undulated against mine. My toes slid up the backs of his legs, raising goosebumps all along his body. I giggled against his lips as he smiled against mine, and I was no longer aware that I was dying. I was no longer aware of the ache in my joints or the dull headache that never seemed to go away. I was no longer aware of how sore my arm was from my shots or the doctor’s appointments I still had to keep in the fight for my life. All there was in that moment was Bryan’s body against mine. I threaded my arms around his body and clung to the muscles of his back. A part of me figured that if I held on tight enough, death couldn’t consume me. His warmth filled my body with a peace I hadn’t experienced in weeks, and his lips consumed every inch of my shoulders and chest while he grew steadily within me. I felt my body burning with fire as my toes began to curl, and just as his lips wrapped around my pert nipple, my hands found their way to his hair. I pressed his face deep into me and he groaned, sending a shockwave of electricity through my body that sent me over the edge. Tears poured down the sides of my face, my jaw unhinged in silent pleasure as Bryan picked up his pace. His rolls became thrusts and his thrusts turned into steady pounding, and soon, I was being thrown into my second orgasm while he grunted and groaned into my neck. I felt him twitch, spilling deep inside of me while our bodies bucked and jolted. I could feel his rapid heartbeat fluttering against my chest, and as his body wholly collapsed onto me. I closed my eyes and committed the feeling to memory. I memorized the beauty of the life pumping through his veins that I would soon be rid of myself. We panted, breathing each other’s air as Bryan’s lips connected with mine one last time. I could feel our intermingled arousal pouring from between my legs, but once Bryan started to move, I wrapped my legs around him. I wasn’t ready for him to move yet. I wasn’t ready to be rid of his presence yet. I wanted my body to be molded in his favor before my family had to bury me. “I love you, Hailey.” My heart ached with the pain of the joy I should’ve been experiencing as I drew in a ragged, useless breath. “I love you, too, Bryan. And please, never forget that.”
Chapter 7
Bryan
I was typing some paperwork into the system for business while I toggled around the internet. I was looking for a way to make all this shit more automatic while reminding myself of why I was doing it. I’d flip between the endless amount of data entry and all the electronic systems available to me, cursing myself that I hadn’t listened to Drew before. He was the one who’d wanted to make this system electronic from the beginning, but I tho
ught that would tack on way too much money for us to eventually owe back to a bank. Raking my hand through my hair, I sat back and sighed as a knock came at my office door. “Come in,” I said. “Realizing I was right, aren’t you?” Drew asked. “Hey there,” I said, smiling. I rose up from my chair and rounded around to give him a hug. Drew had spent his first full week out of the office, so needless to say, he was a sight for sore eyes. I had yet to tell him about the dinner I had with my parents nor had I gotten an update from him on how things with the tattoo parlor were going. “Got some news for ya, man,” he said. “Hit me with it,” I said. “I signed the official papers for my tattoo parlor building.” “Holy shit, man. That’s awesome! Congratulations.” I gave him another hug before I furrowed my brow. “Wait, I thought you already did that?” I asked.
“Well, yes and no. I was trying out a few places, really scoping them out to find the right one for me. I’ve been doing some market testing this week. You know, getting out into the public and asking them questions on what they want.” “So that’s where you’ve been,” I said. “And here I thought you just abandoned us.” “Nope, actually working, dude. Anyway, I found the neighborhood with the most promise and signed the papers on the building yesterday.” “Have you sent everything over to Hailey?” I asked. “Didn’t she offer to help you decorate or something?” “She actually already got me her stuff. She gave me some ideas on how to make the environment cozier for people while they were there and then gave me some awesome color schemes to choose from. She’s a hell of a woman. Didn’t charge me a damn thing.” “That’s Hailey for you,” I said, grinning. “I take it things are going well for you two?” he asked. “For the most part, yeah.” “What does that mean?” “Eh, it’s along story and is probably born out of my paranoia of losing her. No big deal.” “Dude. Anything with you is a big deal to me. Sum it up in a few sentences,” he said. “I just get the feeling she’s hiding something. She isn’t drinking wine anymore, and she’s looking a little tired. She backed out of moving in with me because we’re both so busy, and she’s been canceling a lot of dates recently.” “She pregnant or some shit?” he asked. “Nah. She’s been on birth control for a while.” “Doesn’t mean she couldn’t be. That shit fails all the time.” “I know, but that’s not what’s going on. I know there’s something
“Maybe she’s stressed with work. The two of you have gotten a lot of attention since that showcase,” he said. “I know.” “Look, I’m never one to go against intuition. That shit’s powerful when it happens. If you think something’s wrong, then ask her about it. She loves you, and you love her. She’ll confide in you eventually if something’s up.” “You think?” I asked. “I know, dude. Look, I know things are rolling quickly with this parlor, and we aren’t seeing as much of each other as we used to, but I’m here for you, man. Seriously. You need to talk, just call. We’ll get a beer or something. Food. A burger. Speaking of, there’s a great burger joint across the street from the building I signed for. New lunch spot?” he asked. “Sounds like it,” I said, grinning. “I’m sorry I’ve bailed hard on this week,” he said. “No, no. It’s not a problem. I need to get used to running that kind of schedule anyway. Plus, with you gone, that opens up a lot of potential to hire more homeless men who need work. Especially with the influx of interest in our company with other areas outside of San Diego.” “Well, technically, it’s just your company now,” he said. “I submitted the liquidation papers last week and everything’s been approved.” “Drew, no matter what you do, this’ll always be our company. You built this shit with me. You leaving doesn’t change that fact.” “Thanks, man. That means a lot.” “So, what are these suggestions Hailey gave you?” I asked. “Just color schemes and potential designs for the building. I gotta go by her gallery and drop off my portfolio of tattoos and sketches so she can do whatever she wants with them.” “Well, she’s always there, so I’m sure you’ll catch her,” I said. “You couldn’t have been any saltier saying that,” he said, chuckling. “I just don’t understand why she doesn’t hire some help. I know she’s got the money, and she’d be less tired that way.” “Dude, I’m telling you. Talk to her. Sit her down with some lemon water or some shit and ask her outright what’s going on.” “But should I have to do that?” I asked. “Haven’t we been through enough to where she could tell me what it is?” “If you want to be real? The last time she held something back from you for your own good, you proved to her why she did it in the first place once you told her. She was probably anxious you’d blow up at her or some shit. Then when it all came tumbling out, you did.” “That happened because she held back something about my brother from me. Shelied to me, Drew.” “So if she had told you, say, day four of the construction project that she knew your brother and he was actually murdered and she had all his paintings, you wouldn’t have stormed off her property?” “I mean, it might not’ve gone down exactly how it happened,” I said. “But you would’ve been upset. You most certainly wouldn’t have gone out to dinner with her, right?” “No. Hell no, I wouldn’t have.” “Then you could argue that her holding that shit back from you is the reason you guys stood a chance in the first place, man.” I thought long and hard about Drew’s train of thought and wondered if that’s what was happening. I wondered if Hailey was scared of talking to me because she thought I was going to blow up at her again. The thought made me nauseous. “I’m not saying holding shit back from you is right on her part,” he said. “I’m just saying you’ve given her a reason to with the way you reacted the first time, warranted or not, dude.” “Shit,” I said, groaning.
“Yeah, well. Relationships are shit. It’s why I don’t do them often,” he said. “Anyway, it’s gonna take a few months to get the building ready. There’s a lot that has to be done to it, but it’s gonna look awesome.” “No segue, huh?” I asked. “Just going to hop right back into you and your stuff.” “You’re bad at dwelling on shit. I’m trying to make sure you don’t. I wanna thank you for supporting me in this, though. I really feel like I’m moving forward with the rest of my life and settling into a lane I’ve wanted to take up for a while.” “I’m glad I could help,” I said as I patted his arm. “We can usher in your opening with a new tattoo somewhere on my body.” “I’m not doing it for free,” he said. “Wouldn’t dream of it. I want to be your first customer.” “Deal,” he said, smiling. “Now, time to talk about you.” “Didn’t we just do that?” I asked. “Have you ever thought about leaving this place behind?” he asked. “Now you sound like my father. What is it?” I asked. “Whoa. Harsh words. Let’s tone down that language a bit,” he said, grinning. “All I’m saying is, I could see you starting a foundation or something like that, dude.” “A foundation?” “Yeah, like a charity or something. We all know your true passion is helping people, not construction. The only thing that makes this job bearable for you is that you’re helping people.” “I like helping people. Why can’t I do that and have a business?” I asked. “No one’s saying you can’t. I’m just saying that my happiness lies in tattooing. Yours doesn’t lie in construction, but it lies in a facet of the business we’ve built.” “I guess if we’re talking candidly, then yes. I’ve thought about handing this over to someone else, keeping a slice for myself, and doing something else. But it’s way too fast, especially with you just now leaving. My relationship with Hailey is a bit strained at the moment because we’re so busy, and there’s this looming shadow that keeps following us, and that’s enough for me to deal with right now.” “I still think you’re worrying too much,” he said. “I don’t think I am. In fact, I know I’m not.” “Strong words coming from you. Why don’t you go out and do something fun? You know, get your mind off things.” “Fun,” I said. “Like a bouncy house or a ball pit.” “No, you asshole. Like a fun date with Hailey or an impromptu weekend road trip. Something like that that gets you out of the city for a bit.” “That actually doesn’t sound like a bad idea. Think Hailey would go for it?” I asked. “Sure, and if she doesn’t,
I’ll go with you. Been a while since we’ve done something like that. It can be fun even if the girls aren’t there. Speaking of, you talked to Anna lately?” “Why would I have talked to Anna?” I asked. “Well, the two of you seemed to develop some sort of pseudofriendship. I figured if something was up with Hailey, you would’ve bugged her about it.” “Nope. I actually haven’t talked to Anna in a week or so. Why?” I asked. “Just wonderin’.” “Uh-huh,” I said, smirking. “Just wondering. All right. I take it you haven’t called her yet?” “Nope. Haven’t had the time. This parlor’s taken up most of it, and then sleep gets the rest.” “I’m sure. Well, if you want to know how she is, dig out her number and ask her yourself.” “Dude, it was just a passing question. Chill out.” The way Drew was trying to play this all off was funny to me. I could tell he was curious about any information I had on her, and the truth was, I had talked to her recently. I ran into her in the grocery store and talked with her for a little bit, but there was this dubious stare she was giving me the entire time. She was looking at me with pity in her eyes like something had happened to me that required her sorrow. It only confirmed to me that something was wrong with Hailey, but I knew better than to press her sister for that information. “Hey, I got an idea,” Drew said. “What’s that?” I asked. “Why don’t the four of us get together?’ “The four of who?” I asked. “Dude, don’t be a dick. Look, it’s obvious you’re worried about Hailey. If we all get together and just eat and hang out, you’ll get a fresh pair of eyes on her. I still think you’re being weird about it, but if it’s as obvious as you say it is, maybe she’ll talk about it with more people around. Especially if one of those people happens to be her sister.” “That doesn’t sound like a bad idea,” I said. “And then you can ask Anna how she’s doing yourself.” “You’re gonna be a dick about this, aren’t you?” he asked. “The entire time,” I said, chuckling. “I’ll give Hailey a call and see what I can arrange. I’ll let you know.” “Thanks, dude. Well, I’ll leave you to this torture chamber you seem to have set up for yourself. You convinced to go electronic yet?’ The look I shot him pulled a chuckle from deep in his stomach. “I’m tellin’ya, we should’ve done it from the beginning.” “Yeah, yeah. Get back to that parlor of yours and slap some paint on it or something,” I said. “Better than what you’re doing here!” He shut the door behind him, and I sighed. I didn’t know what to do from here. There was only so much I could do if Hailey didn’t want to talk to me, and I knew Hailey well enough to know she wouldn’t talk in a group setting like that. I got the feeling Anna already knew, which made me a bit jealous even though Anna was her sister. I mean, what was so terrible and so risqué that she couldn’t tell the man she proclaimed to love? Even the way she told me she loved me a few days ago sounded so ominous. I shook the thought from my head as my cellphone started ringing. I picked it up and put it to my ear, not bothering to look at who was calling me. “Hello?” I asked. “Hey there,” Hailey said. “Such a sweet voice pouring through this phone,” I said, smiling. “Drew and I were just talking about you.” “Oh, Drew was there? Did he say anything about the parlor?’ “Just that you were a damn fine woman for doing what you’re doing for him,” I said. “Well, he’s more than welcome. I’m glad to be able to help.” “Listen, Drew is wanting me to set up a double-date between the two of us and him and Anna. Think she’d go for it?” “Go for it? She’d get ready for it and then wait by the door like a sad, lost little dog. She’s been on my back about Drew for the last few days asking me if I’ve heard from him and all that crap.” I smiled at how chipper she sounded. It was the first time in a while she’d sounded this happy. “So, is that a yes to the double-date?” I asked. “It’s a double yes,” she said. “I see what you did there.” “Well, wait until you see what I wear to dinner.” “As long as it matches my floors, I don’t care what you wear,” I said. “Such a shame. I wanted it to match my lingerie.” I shivered at the thought of her luscious, supple curves stuffed into throngs of silk and lace.
“Mmm, what an image,” I said.
“Down boy. I still need to talk to Anna about it. When were we thinking?” she asked. “This weekend?” “I could do this weekend. Saturday night?” “Aren’t you doing your art therapy classes Saturday night since the showcase was such a hit?” I asked. “I’ve only begun to advertise them. I still need to get people to sign up before I declare a start date,” she said. “Then this Saturday it is.” “I’ll give Anna a call and see what she’s doing, though I have a feeling she’ll be free, even if she has to call out of work.” “Then I’m looking forward to our fun little evening,” I said. “Me too,” she said. And had I not known any better, I could’ve sworn I heard a smile in Hailey’s voice. “You know I love you, right?” I asked. “And there’s nothing that could ever change that?” A silence fell on the conversation, and for a second, I thought she’d hung up the phone. “I know,” she said lightly. “And I love you too. No matter what.” Though for whatever reason, I didn’t feel like my stating that was going to change anything. “I’ll let you know what Anna says,” Hailey said. “I’ll be awaiting your phone call. I love you, Hailey.” “Love you, too, Bryan.”
Chapter 8