“My migraines started a few months ago, but I didn’t go to the doctor until about four weeks ago. Apparently, I had renal cell carcinoma that metastasized to my brain. That’s a kidney tumor that morphed into a brain tumor,” I said.
“Can’t they just do surgery?” my mother asked.
“Right now, it’s about shrinking the tumors as much as possible before that happens. A combination of very strong chemotherapy shots and immunotherapy treatments are being used to try and shrink them to surgical size. But the doctor wants to move on the surgery sooner so they can set a port and get me on full-sized chemo treatments.”
“When’s the surgery?” my mother asked. “Can we be there for it?” “Right now, it’s not scheduled,” I said. “Why not?” my father asked. “Because I haven’t agreed to it yet.” That silenced the entire table, and I could see the shock rolling over my parents faces. The more I told the story, the more I was set on not having the surgery. I wanted to live the rest of my life out in peace, not sickly and weak and unable to indulge in the one thing that had gotten me through everything. “Hailey, if there’s even a small chance—” “I haven’t agreed to the surgery yet, Dad,” I said harshly. He nodded his head, but I could tell he had much still to say. “Do you remember the time Hailey fell out of that tree?” Anna asked. “What?” my mother asked. “The tree in the backyard you and Dad cut down a few years later. The massive oak tree? Remember how she climbed up it because I told her she couldn’t?” “I remember that,” I said. “That was when I broke my ankle, right?” “Yep!” Anna exclaimed. “Dad was so pissed, and Mom was freaking out about your foot being turned all cockeyed, and there I was taking a picture.” “Do you still have that picture?” I asked. “I have no idea. I have boxes and boxes of pictures I developed over the years. We’ll have to bust them out sometime and go through them.” The looks my parents were giving Anna were akin to her trying to chop her own arm off, but I knew what she was trying to do. And I loved her for it. “My favorite memory of Hailey was the first time she tried to bake a cake on her own,” my father said. “She got the flour everywhere. Even sniffed it up her nose! I had to take her to the doctor because I didn’t know if that much flour up a child’s nose was lethal or something.”
Anna started giggling as a small smile spread across my face. “Wanna know mine?” my mother asked. “It was the first time she decided she was going to read our nighttime story instead of me. She took the book while it was upside down and began reciting the whole thing. Your father freaked because he was around the corner and thought you were legitimately reading, but really you had just memorized the damn thing.” I couldn’t help but giggle at the story while my father’s laughter grew and grew. “Oh, and remember the time she first brought a boy home? What was she, seventeen? Eighteen? You hadn’t quite gone off to college yet.” That statement halted the entire conversation, and suddenly, my mother burst into tears. “Mom, what’s wrong?” Anna asked. But I knew what was wrong, and I knew what was coming. “I’m so sorry, Hailey,” she said through her tears. “I-I’m so very sor
ry.”
I watched my father reach over, a tear streaking down his cheek as he cupped my mother’s arm. “We should’ve never done what we did to you girls,” she said. “We thought we were doing what was best and that maybe you were going through a phase and that us not talking for a while would bring you back. But it spiraled so far out of control, and we didn’t know what to do.” I sat there solemnly while everyone cried around me, and for the first time since my world had been turned upside down, I could summon no tears for the moment. “I’m sorry, too, Hailey. Your mother was the one who eventually wanted to reach out, but I was stubborn. Angry. Hurt. Disappointed. So many things I shouldn’t have been toward my daughter who only wanted to follow her dreams. I’m sorry. To both of you,” my father said. “Life’s too short for all this,” my mother said, “and when Anna called us, I just crumbled to the floor. I’m so glad you guys came for dinner and that we’re all here. Together. Like it should’ve been.” I saw Anna getting teary-eyed, and I reached over for her hand. I wanted to forgive them. Really, I needed to forgive them. I needed to let go and keep charging forward. I didn’t know how much time I was going to have left on this planet, and I didn’t want to spend it being angry or resentful or hurt. I just wanted to spend it with the people I loved most, the people I’d never stopped loving in the first place. “I forgive you guys,” I said. “Me too,” Anna said. “But I need you guys to do something for me.” Their crying slowed down while everyone turned their faces to me. “What is it, sweetheart?” my father asked. “If you’
ve seen the error of your ways, so to speak, then I have a favor to ask of you. Anna here has some wonderful ideas for her future, ideas we’ve been tossing around with some friends of ours.” “Hailey, don’t,” Anna said. “What are they?” my mother asked. “She wanted to provide low-cost legal aid to those who need it the most in the San Diego area. She’s really passionate about it. It’s the only thing that kept her going at the firm when she worked here. She’d have people who would come in and need her help but couldn’t afford her rates, so she took the pro bono work behind your backs. I want you two to promise me you’ll support her. She's going to need it after I’m gone.” “Hailey, don’t talk like that,” my father said. “I need you two to promise me you’ll be here for her. For me,” I said. “Oh, Hailey,” my mother said, sniffling. I looked over at Anna, and the shocked look on her face punched me in the gut. But I needed to make sure she would be supported while I was gone. Anna was never as strong as me when it came to our parents, and the last thing I wanted was for her to slip back into a life she didn’t like after I was gone. I wanted her to continue chasing her dreams and her passions. I didn’t want her to be sucked back a place that hadn’t felt like home to her in years. “Promise me, please,” I said. “We promise,” my father said. “I’ll even help her set up her own practice if that’s what she wants.” “Me, too,” my mother said. “We promise.” “You can’t change the past,” I said. “What’s done is done. But you can change the future. You can make it better. Anna’s still young, and the two of you still have a lot of life to live.” “You do, too, Hailey,” my father said. “Don’t forget that.” “My body would tell you differently,” I said. “Honey, are you sure you don’t want us to talk to the doctor or something?” my mother asked. “I can easily get into contact with the top brain surgeons in the nation,” my father said. “At the drop of a hat.” “I’m sure,” I said, nodding. “Whether Anna believes it or not, I’ve spent a great deal of time thinking this through. I want to spend what life I have left enjoying it and smiling, not sitting in a chair connected to a port while I waste away with poison in my body. I’ve done the research, and I’ve called and gotten the respective second opinions.” “Wait, you have?” Anna asked. “I’m not sitting in my apartment wallowing in my own sorrows, sis,” I said, grinning. “And even with the surgery done now, I still only have a thirty percent chance of recovery. The odds of me dying from the common cold because my body can’t fight it off are higher than my actual recovery odds now. I’ve given this a lot of thought. Trust me.” Tears were streaming down all their faces as my mom reached out for my other hand.
“We love you, Hailey. I know it hasn’t seemed like it over the years, but we love you dearly. You’re our daughter, and all we ever wanted was for you to be your best.” “And I have become my best,” I said, smiling. “Opened my own art gallery and everything.” “You did?” my father asked. “I did, and it’s actually doing really well. That’s the next thing on my list, actually, figuring out what to do with it and who to give it over to.” “You know I’ll take it over if you want me to,” Anna said. “Not if you’re going to be doing all that low-cost legal aid work. There’s a lot of it needed in San Diego alone. You’ll be busy,” I said, grinning. “Well, we’ll help you with whatever you need,” my father said. “Just tell us what you want us to do, and we’ll do it,” my mother said. “Right now, all I need from the two of you is to support Anna, so she’s not sucked back into a world she hates,” I said. “I’ve already got ideas running through my head if you want to talk about them later?” my mother asked Anna. “I’d really like that,” Anna said, smiling. The rest of the dinner was spent listening to my family talk amongst themselves. Anna and my mother were going back and forth on ways to arrange her new life, so she could help the most people she could. My father was giving his own input where he could, and even went so far as to suggest that he could travel in a couple days a week to provide low-cost healthcare to those she takes on as clients. I smiled and shook my head, watching my family that had been at odds for years pool their knowledge and resources together to help and reconcile instead of to debase and cut out. But in the back of my mind, I was still worried about Bryan and what I would tell him if anything. Was I making the right decision to break off with him? I worried about whether I should at all. I had no idea what my next move was, and it hurt. It hurt to watch Anna plan her future with my parents while dwelling on the fact that I didn’t have a future anymore.
I realized then that I wasn’t sure of anything anymore. Breaking up with Bryan seemed to be the most logical thing to do, but it was in moments like this, when my head hurt and my side was throbbing and my stomach was rolling with nausea, that the only thing I wanted to do was curl up in his arms and cry.
But doing that meant I had to tell him I was dying, and I couldn’t look him in the eye and tell him that after everything else I’d put him through.
Chapter 15
Bryan
I
’d decided, after some serious thinking, to give Ellen a call. The mere
fact that I couldn’t shake the offer from my mind meant I needed more information about it. I took the liberty of calling her and telling her I was interested in more information, and I could tell she was thrilled. She suggested a restaurant on the other side of town that immediately reminded me of my parents, but I agreed to meet with her anyway.
This restaurant was the type of restaurant my parents frequented on a regular basis. The silken cloths that draped along the tables were held in place by lit candles. There was no menu, only the eight courses the chef would be serving that evening. There was a small wine pairing for each course as well as a small glass of ice water to sip from so someone didn’t get too drunk during the evening. But, if drunk was the intention, there was an open bar with a cocktail menu that housed absolutely no prices.
“Bryan,” Elle said, smiling. “So glad you could make it.”
“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” I said.
She stood and wrapped her arms around me, placing a small kiss on the side of my cheek. Her hands lingered a bit longer around my shoulders than a friendly hug would’ve entailed, and I could tell she was wearing expensive perfume. The pearls around her neck glittered while diamonds dangled from her ears, and the dress she had on suited her body perfectly. It was black and sultry, with a slit up the side that stopped halfway up her thigh.
It looked like she was dressed for a date rather than abusiness meeting. “So,” she said as we sat, “you’ve given more thought to my offer.” “Well, I’ve been turning it around in my head the past few days, and I figured that alone would warrant a bit more information.” “Can’t get me out of your head, can you?” she asked with a sly grin on her face. Oh, she was going to be a doozy to work with. “What exactly does an operations director do?” I asked. “Oh, pish posh. We’ll get to that in a second,” she said. “Let’s at least get you your first glass of wine.” She snapped, and a waiter suddenly appeared at our sides. I drew a deep breath through my nose and snickered while she chatted with the man. This was exactly how my mother would act in a place like this. Like she owned it. Like she had free reign of the people in it. I had no idea why money made people act this way, but if it continued like this the entire night, I’d have to reject her offer. The last person I was going to work alongside was someone who reminded me of my mother. A glass of red wine was set in front of both of us before the first course. It looked delightful as I spread my napkin in my lap, and I could tell Ellen was watching my every move. How I cut my food. How I held my posture up. How I quietly sipped my wine and waited for her to redirect the conversation back to why I was here in the first place. And when she was done eating her fill of me, she smiled. “The operations director has the biggest impact on the homeless community. You would be fielding all the projects and making sure we had enough volunteers to help. You would be taking care of the budgets for the projects. If you wanted free and total reign, I could even give you the power to callyour own meetings to get your own project ideas voted on and passed. You would be in the homeless community, coordinating your own projects and traveling around to help as many as you could.”
“Where does all this funding come from?” I asked.
“Wealthy donors, but the schmoozing is my part. You won’t have to attend any of those parties or charity balls. That’s my side of things. You’ll know when the money hits, and you can divvy it up as necessary,” she said.
“What are the project limits?” I asked.
“What do you mean?”
“Are there any specific projects you won’t take on?” I asked.
“Well, let’s just say there hasn’t been a project yet that has been turned down. The only thing we ask is that when a project is presented, we need to know how much it costs, how many volunteers are necessary, what the main goals are, and how long it will last.”
“Fair enough.”
“The work you’re doing on your own is good, but helping a few people here and there won’t work in the long run. It helps those individuals, sure, but not the issue as a whole. The homeless need more housing, more medical treatment, more access to places to clean themselves up, an area where they can track down jobs and secure interviews. We need to set up connections with local places who are willing to interview and hire the homeless. We don’t have any of this infrastructure
yet.” There was a switch that occurred in her at that moment. This vixen