Just give in.
As we finished off the joint, and I was trying not to focus too hard on Butcher, all I could think about was how it would feel to just let go. For once in my life. To just say fuck everything and everyone and give myself something that would most definitely feel good.
But no. I couldn’t, could I? I had to be strong, stronger than letting my emotions dictate how I felt. I cleared my throat, my mouth dry, my tongue feeling thick. I was high, felt like I was floating.
“You’re strong, a fighter,” Butcher finally said, and I felt surprise fill me, but I didn’t say anything in response. “I wouldn’t have pegged you for a runner, but I guess snatching money from a motherfucker like Henry will make anyone do anything.”
I felt my anger grow. “You don’t know the first thing about any of this.” I hissed those words out, my emotions running rampant, my desire to hit him, lash out, to use him, riding me hard. “I didn’t run.” Those words were spit out of me like acid. “I survived.”
The light behind him cast the front of him in deep shadows, making him seem bigger and stronger. “Fair enough.” He took one more step toward me.
My heart was beating so fast and hard. I wondered if he could hear it. Could he see it?
I felt the truth bubble up, not knowing why I was about to tell him about me, about what I wanted to do with my life.
“I know about you, Poppy.” His voice stopped me from saying anything. “I know about you, and not because I looked up information on you, not because I had my guy search you and find everything out.” He took another step closer. “And not because I followed you… stalked you, Poppy.” He was just a foot from where I stood, the highness from the pot making things seem almost dreamlike.
“You don’t know anything about me,” I whispered.
“Poppy… God, Poppy, how innocent you really are.” All he did was cock a dark eyebrow at me, as if challenging me to deny it, lie about it.
I dropped my focus to the ground, trying to breathe nice and easy, trying to make it look like he wasn’t affecting me, like I wasn’t about to lose it and say fuck it all.
But the feel of his finger on my chin, the feeling of him adding pressure and bringing my head up, and looking into his eyes once more, had everything else fading away. Had my resistance crumbling.
He said nothing for long seconds, just stared at me, as if able to read me so clearly.
“You’re afraid. Scared of everything, of this… of us.”
My breath caught and still I stayed silent.
“That’s okay, baby,” he murmured deeply. “You don’t have to say a word for me to know exactly who you are, exactly what you want and need.”
And then he leaned down and captured my mouth with his. A gasp left me at the feel of his powerful kiss, at the feel of his strong lips on mine, of his tongue stroking, taking what he wanted.
Butcher’s kiss was hard, demanding, and when his hands landed on each side of my face, tilting my head, holding me in place, controlling me so I was helpless against him, all I could do was feel all of him. And I didn’t stop him, didn’t push him away. I wanted more. So much more.
And God did it feel incredible.
I didn’t care about anything at this moment. I only focused on Butcher and how he made me feel.
This whole situation was bad for me, and hell, Butcher was the worst kind of bad I could get involved with right now, but I didn’t care. Because in this moment, all I could think about was how it felt to have him finally kissing me. All I worried about was how far I’d let this go. Everything else was a distant, long-forgotten memory.
Butcher shoved me back against the wall, the cold, rough surface causing a gasp to leave me, the sensation of his hard chest against mine, sandwiching me between him and the building, having desire move through me like a freight train.
I moaned.
“That’s it, girl. That’s so fucking it, Poppy.” He cupped my hips, his big hands making me feel small and feminine. Then again, he didn’t need to touch me to make me feel that way around him.
He was a force to be reckoned with all on his own.
He slid his hands down my hips, over the base of my spine, and cupped my ass, squeezing the mounds and causing a shot of lust to claim me. For a second, he just held the globes, but then he let out this low groan against my mouth, curled his fingers into the denim of my pants, and pulled me fully against him.