I bring my lips upwards into a smile and I wait awkwardly for him to do the same back. He doesn’t quite manage more than a sharp nod back. I guess we’re sticking to pretending that it didn’t happen. I suppose I can do that. I nod back and turn on my heels to leave him behind. If we’re going act like everything is normal, then not talking to one another is a big part of that. It’s probably a good thing. It means I can focus on work.
13
Carter
Just remain professional, I tell myself for what feels like the hundredth time. It’s fine, this is good.
I guess I assumed after my crazy round of drunken voicemails, we would be forced to have a discussion about what happened, but Raelyn has been back for a whole day now, our paths have even crossed and we have had to talk, and nothing has been said. I guess I told her that we could just act like nothing happened, and that’s what’s happening. It’s easier, it means that we can just blow past the whole thing like it’s nothing.
I sit at my desk for the last hour of the day, focusing on the admin work I need to complete. Emails and paper work that has been neglected since I’ve been preoccupied by Raelyn, files that need sorting. It’s a good, mundane task that consumes my brain as much as humanly possible while the day falls to an end. Just what I need.
That way, we’ve survived day one. Once we get passed that, we can do it all. We’ll be fine.
“See ya later, boss!” Gary calls through my office door. “Don’t spend all night here, okay?”
I nod and smile. “Sure, I won’t. I’ll be out of here soon. As soon as I finish up.”
Gary purses his lips. For a second, I think he might be about to make a comment with regards to me being a workaholic, but whatever he’s thinking he shuts himself up at the very last moment, never saying it aloud. He leaves without another word, but I’m too caught up with Raelyn’s shocking reappearance to really wonder what he was going to say. I know Gary. If it needed to be said, he would have done so.
God, she was beautiful… is beautiful. That’s what struck me the most. When I first saw her come crashing back into my life in the office doorway, her stunning looks grabbed me. She’s more gorgeous than anyone. And knowing what she looks like as she falls apart, at her most vulnerable moment, only makes it more unbearable. I can’t help but want that again. Even if it’s far too complicated.
“Right.” I finish scribbling my signature on the final piece of paper. “Time to go.”
It’s quiet, which I can only assume means everyone else has left, and that it’s time for me to do the same. I try to plan a decent night for myself when I get home, so I don’t get lost in the déjà vu. The last time I was here doing this it ended up as the night. She has probably left early though, to avoid it happening again. It’s for the best. We both know that it cannot, under any circumstances, happen again.
I turn off every light, I check absolutely everywhere, it’s almost time for me to leave. I am just about to close the door behind me when I hear clip clop footsteps which suggests that someone is still inside.
“Hello?” I call out through the darkness. “Who’s there?”
“Sorry, it’s me. I was just in the bathroom.” It’s Raelyn. I thought she’d gone. “I didn’t realize the time.”
“Oh right, well I’m just about to lock up if you are done now.”
“Yes. I am.” I feel her before I see her. The heat of her body almost pressing up against mine. It’s crazy how disorienting the darkness is, it makes sure that both of us lose our sense of normality. The sound of her breaths, even her heartbeats, I swear it’s the same as mine which is dangerous. We’re heading towards a slippery slope once more. “Sorry, I will just get out of your way.”
I reach out and grab her hand, forgetting absolutely everything that I have told myself. I just want to hold her in my arms once more and to remember what it feels like to connect with someone. The sky high walls that I built up around myself because of Anna and Daniel are peeling down bit by bit because of this woman. I might seem like I keep going back and forth on my feelings for her, but really, I know how I feel, I just keep trying to convince myself otherwise. It’s pointless though. The feelings will continue to resurface no matter what I want.
“Should we talk?” I ask quietly into the darkness, my words brushing against her lips.
“What is there to say?
” she asks with a certain coyness to her tone.
“I don’t know.” My hand is on her hip. How the hell did it get there? “But there must be something.”
She steps closer, closing the gap between us, and her body presses into mine. Whatever the hell I was planning on saying simply evaporates into thin air. I can’t keep hold of it any longer, it’s gone. Now, I’m all about feeling her again, and we all know what a dangerous path that it led me down the last time.
What if she leaves again? My brain unhelpfully screams. What if I push her away?
Yet my fingers are knotting up in her hair, completely ignoring my thoughts, and my lips are drawing even nearer to her, going for what they want, despite what I think about the whole thing. She’s rises to her tip of her toes as well to meet me, I’m not alone in this, so when we connect, we do so together. We are in sync, in harmony, and that has every cell inside my body blooming like a flower, only to explode in burning hot bliss. The kiss is soft and sensual, passionate, but in a more careful way. I’m still desperate for her, but there’s less of an urgency this time, as if we both know what we’re about to step into. This is far more purposeful.
Uh oh, this is worse. I know it’s worse, yet it’s so much better as well.
I step inside and close the door behind me, so again, it’s only Raelyn and I in this.
She grabs me and presses me up against the wall, taking control. Considering how confusing this is, it’s hot as all hell and it makes my cock strain painfully against my trousers. I need it to spring free already.
“Fucking hell, Carter,” she pants at me. “You don’t know what the hell you do to me.”