“Okay, well I guess I will catch up with Carter later then.” I smile weakly, trying to pretend that everything is okay. “When he’s finished with whatever he’s doing. It will hold until then.”
“Well, I’m here. I’m about if you need me for anything, alright? You know that, don’t you?”
I smile at Leon gratefully and nod. He’s such a nice person. I’m so glad I have him in my life. The day that I hired him, I made the wisest decision possible. “Thank you, I appreciate it a lot.”
“I’m always here for you, okay?” He really thinks that I’m struggling. And I suppose I am.
“I’ll be alright.” I nod slowly, trying my best to convince him. “Thank you.”
I feel ill as Leon walks away. The information that he has given me is vital, but awful. I don’t like to think about this one bit. Carter could be with a client, he could be with a person he wants to merge with, he could be with a family member. It could be anyone in the world, but I have a feeling that it isn’t.
I need to figure it out. I cannot proceed until I know for sure, one way or the other what’s going on with Carter and this woman. But I can’t be brazen about it. I need to secretly discover the truth.
I wait until everyone else has left, everyone but Carter. His car is still parked outside so I know that he’s still around. I still haven’t seen him all day, nor have I laid eyes on the mysterious blonde woman that he’s been talking to. Now, I’m going to find out who she is and what’s going on. I need to know.
There aren’t many lights left on in the building, it has a weird atmosphere inside of it. It builds up anticipation within me. This is usually the buildup to when Carter and I hook up, when we hook up. I don’t know if that’s going to happen today, but butterflies flap in the pit of my stomach regardless. My thighs tremble, my heart pounds furiously, my mouth runs completely dry. The nerves get the better of me.
Time to find him, I think as I take a deep breath. Time to get this solved.
I tip toe through the building, afraid to make any sound, and I head towards Carter’s office. The only thing I can hear is my heart racing hard, vigorously, anxiously.
Voices? I ask myself curiously. Is that voices I can hear?
I don’t know why I’m questioning it. It’s clearly voices. Whoever Carter was in a meeting with today, and for whatever reason, it’s still going on now. That’s unbelievable. There’s no way this can be work related. I have been in business meetings with Carter. They are always precise and to the point, quick so that he can get back to work as soon as possible. Plus, as far as I know, he doesn’t often work with women. I’m the only one.
I get closer, torturing myself, until I can catch snippets of the voices.
“…oh, Carter, you know what it used to be like. You and me.”
I gulp. That doesn’t sound good at all. Her flirty, giggly voice is too much for me. I haven’t ever been like that with Carter. I don’t flirt. We just fight and
occasionally things happen. It’s only in my head that it’s become something more. Me and my stupid imagination. I want to smack myself for being so stupid.
“Who the fuck needs a spark for a shag?” Thomas’s words come flooding back to me, making me feel even worse about myself. “You don’t seem like the sort of woman who wants more.”
That’s not who I am, I haven’t ever been that person. But I’ve been acting like that with Carter. Acting out of character. Having fun, as Abbi describes it. But it doesn’t feel like fun right now. It’s the least fun that I’ve ever had. Maybe if Abbi could see what was going on with me she wouldn’t recommend this at all.
“Anna, we aren’t here to talk about you and me, are we?”
Even his cold reply doesn’t do anything to calm me down. I move closer and lean against the door. There’s a small window in the office door and I absolutely need to look through it. But I’m terrified that they will see me. I squeeze my eyes closed and try to steady my breath as much as I can. I have to make myself do it.
“We could talk about you and me, couldn’t we?” she says again.
“The time to talk about you and I has passed.”
“Has it though? There is always time to revisit things, don’t you think?”
“Anna, we aren’t here for that. We’re here to talk about…”
He stops talking. I don’t want to understand why. My brain is coming up with all kinds of conclusions that I can barely acknowledge. Images of them kissing, just like he kissed me.
No, he can’t kiss her like that! No way. Those kisses are just for me….
But they aren’t, not really, are they? Just because I want them to be.
I don’t even think about it, I know if I start thinking about it, I will end up running away, so I push myself up and I glance. I don’t see Carter, just the woman that he’s with. The gorgeous, beautiful, unbelievably stunning woman who’s in his office flirting with him. A woman that I can hardly even look at because she is so stunning. I would never stand next to her for fear of looking like a bag of crap. Compared to her, I’m nothing, I’m no one. I’m just a plain jane who doesn’t deserve even the slightest bit of attention.
What the hell is he doing with her? I demand silently. Why did he ever go anywhere near me?