I smile softly at him.
“Of course,” I say quietly.
Ethan’s body relaxes and he pulls the blankets over us both. Then he passes out, falling instantly into a deep sleep from both exhaustion and the alcohol. I’m not surprised; between how much he drank, the shock of the letter from Polly and what just happened between us, it’s only natural that he would fall unconscious.
It makes me jealous. I wish I could so easily drop into sleep and pretend that this didn’t happen until the morning.
But I’m wide awake. I stare up at the ceiling. I still can’t believe that that just happened. It feels like déjà vu; just like ten years ago, Ethan initiated a kiss that went way further than either of us had originally intended. And, just like ten years ago, I had gone along with it instead of pushing him away, like I should have, too caught up in the sensation of Ethan being the one who was touching me.
Really, I’m such an idiot.
I turn my head and look at Ethan. His features have smoothed out in sleep. He’s peaceful and I know that this will be one of the last times, in the coming weeks, that he’ll look like that. Polly’s arrival will put lines of stress on his face as he struggles to deal with her presence and all the things he didn’t deal with ten years ago.
Then there’s me, who is meant to be leaving, on top of all that.
I snort quietly, making Ethan shift in his sleep. Leave? Despite what just happened between us, and how awkward it will no doubt be, there’s no way I can leave just yet. The appearance of Polly has changed everything.
Or maybe, a voice that sounds a little like Susie says in the back of my mind, you were just looking for an excuse to put the decision off.
I can’t deny that possibility. As much as I want to go, I’ve also jumped at the first opportunity to not go.
The point still stands, though. How can I possibly run off and leave Ethan behind when his ex-wife is about to show up? At the very least, I need to stick around for just a little longer and see this through.
“You have a life to live. You’re not Lily’s mother. You need to live your life without chaining yourself to us!”
“But you need to do less so you can do you stuff, okay?”
“So go do that, okay? We’ll live. We’ll figure it out.”
I choke on a wet laugh as I remember what Ethan said right before he kissed me. It had been so beautiful. Of course, Ethan isn’t stupid. He’s probably noticed that something is up with me. He’s also noticed how much he and Lily rely on me. And, apparently, he’s been thinking about it and come to the realization that he wants me in his life, but he wants me to be happy more.
Yet, it’s also this that firms my decision to put off the job for just a little longer. All Ethan wants is for me to be happy. I can’t leave until I know that he’s happy.
I sigh. I know that our sleeping together for the second time isn’t going to change anything. We’ll talk a little about it in the morning, and we’ll make the decision, once more, to forget all about it. We’re still friends, we can still talk with each other without remembering how it felt to have sex. Nothing is going to change, and I have no hope, this time, that it will.
I spy my phone on the floor, half out of the pocket of my jeans. Carefully, I lean over the bed and grab it. Ethan grumbles in his sleep and turns over, and I can’t help but giggle at the sight.
Then I open my messages. I hesitate before composing one and sending it to Albert.
I’m still thinking about the job. Sorry it’s taking so long. Can I please just have a little longer? I’ve had a family emergency, and I need to deal with that. I understand if you want to offer the job to someone else.
I don’t expect to get a message back, because it’s almost ten at night. As such, I’m surprised when my phone vibrates barely a minute later.
I understand. Please take the time you need. The job does not officially start for another three months, so you do have a little longer. I just need an answer in the next few weeks. Please don’t hesitate to ask if you need anything.
I feel a surge of affection for my boss. I’ve no doubt that the main office is putting pressure on him for an answer from me, despite how far away the job opening is, but this is Albert’s promise to run interference for me for a little longer. It almost makes me want to message back and tell him to forget about it, because I’m far happier working at our smaller office with him and my other coworkers.
I shake my head. No, I said I would think properly about it, and I will.
When Polly is out of the picture, anyway.
Chapter Nine
Ethan
It takes a moment, when I wake, to remember why I’m naked.
I remember drinking last night. In fact, I remember drinking heavily. I kick myself for it now as my head starts pounding. God, I’m such an idiot. Why the fuck did I think that was a good idea? If I remember rightly, I had intended to have just a few drinks before I went to bed.